• To the person who has had sex in the library, you are a pig. Go back to whereever you come from and have sex in your own goddam library.
• Guys bring back the AU Threesome this semester. By far the best the Eagle has offered.
• Closed-toed shoes. Always.
• I live in an apartment all alone and I am terribly lonely.
• Am I the only one taking the LSAT who isn’t paying thousands of dollars to take a prep class? It seems like a waste of money to me.
• I’m a freshman and I don’t really know how to make friends…
• I love AU but I miss my LDR boyfriend. Why did he have to be smarter than me and get into an ivy league school? :(
• My fish is my best friend.
• Ditched my group of friends last year, resorted to Eagle Rants to try and find new friends. I'm pathetic.
• I really want to wear a cape to class the first day this semester and introduce myself as Count.
• What the hell is a Rubicon?
• I hate how all the sophomores walk around like they own the place. Hey sophomores: you're shit doesn't smell any different than anyone elses. Get over yourselves.
• I'm still into the same guy as I was last year. Question is: why?
• I love the racist "Don't rape" consent posters. Good job AU.
• To whoever found my wallet on the bus and actually turned it in without stealing my cash, I love you.
• The Eagle: Get your shit together.
• With tentative respect, A better informed and talented journalist.
• What is the rationale behind disbanding south west sauce?
• The Tavern got rid of the Southwestern sauce. What am I supposed to eat my chicken tenders with now?? I was looking forward to that sauce ALL SUMMER! Lame.
• Who really needs a four-hour class? Am I seriously expected to stay awake for that?
• "Wonk" is British slang for the drug ketamine. THE MORE YOU KNOW :D • Ok, I get adding new things to the Tavern menu but why take away some of the more popular items? There are no more chicken quesadillas, bacon cheese burgers, or southwest sauce. SHAME AU. SHAME.
• I've said it before and I'll say it again: The AU student health center needs a north side outpost. Not a full blown health center but a place where you can get medicine and a note saying that you are, in fact, sick. I know from experience that it is hell walking all the way to south side with the stomach flu. If my high school could do it, AU surely can.
• Jeez, all staffers involved in the wonk campaign need to be punished or fired. This is another way AU spends millions of dollars for useless and utterly stupid programs. This isn't the first or the last of stupid decisions by AU administrators.
• AU Threesome needs to come back ASAP. The Freshmen need to experience their wit.
• The term "wonk" reminds me of Willy Wonka. Is AU trying to attract young politically oriented Oompa Loompas?
• What. The. Hell. The Tavern no longer has cheese quesadillas! NOT ACCEPTABLE. Whose bright idea was it to get rid of one of the most popular food items? They have the cheese, they have the wrap...but now all they'll put in them is beans or veggies. GOSH DARN IT. Stop trying to make me skinny. All I want is my cheese quesadilla! :-( :-( >:(
• Could we please have more places that accept meal swipes? Also, i wouldn't mind having an Italian or Chinese place to eat on campus that took meal swipes... I dislike the greasy and the new menu at the Tavern (The service is SO slow, and why get rid of cheese quesadillas?) TDR also gets boring after a while....
• I'm a sophomore in a dorm, and I never thought that I would be so excited to get to know the freshman on my floor! I never thought they would be so awesome. :)
• Dear new (and possibly returning) students on the AU shuttle: If you are standing on the bus, and there is lots of room around you, and you happen to notice A WHOLE CROWD OF PEOPLE hanging off the front of the bus, here's a hint: MOVE FURTHER BACK! Seriously, people. No one cares about the conversation you're having that's making you hog the aisle. Sincerely, A Disgruntled Senior • So I wonked that exam last night.
• I was wonking in my room last night, and my roommate walked in and he said "What the wonk are you woking doing?"
• My TA is so hot, I want to wonk her with my wonker!
• Going this whole summer without Eagle Rants was TORTURE! I was starting to twitch and have cravings.
• I sign up to get junk mail catalogs so that I can actually have mail in my mailbox.
• Man, Prof. Cowell-Meyers is hard. I just wonked her test :-(
• The Gathering is full of really nice people! As a freshman, it's nice to be able to make friends without being drunk, just saying.
• Dear Statistics- If, at some point in my life, I ever need use of you, do you know what I will use? A computer. Which makes the three days a week I spend learning you a waste of time. I hope you're happy, you stupid subject. Sincerely, A. Angry Student. • I like the new buses AND the Super Loop is gone. Wow! AU un-fail!
• Am I the only sophomore here who's a virgin? Seems like everyone else is getting some
• No one cares how popular your Facebook is.
• WHERE IS THE 2-FIX BUTTON!?!?!
• As a student with a disability I'm shocked at how insensitive the faculty are on their syllabus handouts.
Rant here!
