• Seriously, bring the AU threesome back now. I need a good read.
• Bring back the AU threesome NOW!
• It's about time we got some clean, renewable energy at AU.
• To the editor: I was appalled by your misuse of the word "literally" in the last edition of "Eagle Rants." As someone interested in the field of journalism, please be an advocate for this abused word and treat it with the respect it deserves! EDITOR'S NOTE: My apologies. Won't happen again.
• Awesome AU ... I tried to get housing in my current dorm at 9:00 am, and there wasn't a single room left. I pity anyone who had less than 53 credits - because my 71 credits got me bumped to a campus wide room draw. We'll see how that goes.
• Dear Dav, I am severely disappointed. I desperately wanted coffee this morning. I went before my 9:55 & my 11:20, and both times the line was out the door! As a college student, I need my caffeine!!!!! Please be more competent! One of your fans :(
• AU has really not prepared me for finding a job. I have basically no marketable skills... EDITOR'S NOTE: Should have been a journalism major.
• I miss smoking. It was so pleasant to sit outside and blow off steam [smoke]. But I hate, hate, hate smelling like it for hours after and showering is just a hassle. HELP ME.
• Working the Phonathon tonight and just called a man who refused to donate because AU has gone to the "Clintons, Kennedys, and the queers." Drinking, womanizing, and partying. Sounds like my sort of school.
• People need to quit complaining about students walking on the treadmill. I will get my fair 30 minutes walking or running. If you don't want to wait, get there earlier next time.
• What's up with the Student Government campaigns? Is anyone normal running? Running around pretending you're Superman doesn't mean you have leadership experience. And your Web site looks like a 4 yr old did it, so NO you can't handle the "big boy" Student Government Web site either.
• Could TDR try to be more vegan friendly? Some vegan ice cream would be rad!
• Anyone else feeling the lack of moderation in social scene? I am neither a turtle nor crazy kid ... Anyone down for a museum visit followed by a fun dinner??
• Andy McCraken, way to go. you are the cheese to my macaroni. that came out a lot creepier than I thought...
• What do Tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze?
• I love the Australian in my upper-level SIS class. He is cute, intelligent, and let me borrow his computer when my Mac wouldn't let me do my presentation. Thank you for being such a gentleman.
• I do not understand people. You have to know how completely obnoxious it is to play your music loud enough for the entire floor to hear. You can't honestly believe that you're NOT bothering people. I really don't understand the mentality that allows you to do something that you KNOW IS ANNOYING and just not give a shit.
• I went to a bar one time that had pages from the newspaper on the wall in the bathroom, above the urinals. This gave me an idea: do the same thing here on campus, with The Eagle. Read The Eagle while you take a "The Eagle." EDITOR'S NOTE: Literally, one of the most creative insults ever.
• Why are all beautiful girls taken? What's the point of partying with AU students when you only get to dance with ugly or fat ones?
• Best Editorial Decision since hiring Charlie? Not printing an issue on the Ides of March!
• Daylight savings makes me want to "fall back" in time and "spring forward" in to Benjamin Franklin's spine with a knife.
• Any of our dear ROTC cadets wanna meet up and play soldier this coming week? I'm so full of energy and need some exercise. We can march, drill and call each other "sir" and "ma'am" all day long. Let's pretend that we are protecting Americans from those pesky terrorists and tyrannical tyrants. Meet me at Georgetown or here on campus if AU permits.
• I hoped I had never chosen American University to attend.
• I just popped a zit on my head, and it's oozing so much that I'm getting light headed. Eww.
• I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that American University doesn't have any love for me to find. I gotta get outta here.
• I'm attracted to my brother's best friend. Damn it.
• I know this isn't really rant material but does anyone know of any charitable organizations that need volunteers? I have WAY too much free time.
• The fact that I don't drink or do drugs does not mean I'm "judging" you. I really could not care less how you spend your time. Get over yourself.
• I thought I was a late bloomer because I didn't have a boyfriend or kiss anyone until I was 16 ... but I'm from the South and now all my friends are getting married. Such a mind fuck.
• God I wish I could just let out a big fart in class
• To the adorable ZY guy in my philo class: please talk to ME about the Spinoza reading. I tried starting up the convo last week. It's your turn.
• Dear AU SUB: The only reason we ever bought those stupid Bender Arena concert tickets was the $5 price tag. $20 for Jared Leto's untalented ass is never ever worth it. I'd go if it was $5, though mainly for MuteMath. I hope you learn that we pay you a lot of money for making things available to us at a reduced hardship, and you've failed us yet again.
• As part of the new Civitas program, the guy in the arboretum will be giving blow-jobs.
• I took the Metro to go shopping today. Now I am in my room, and I realize that the nasty BO smell has been following me everywhere. And no, it's not my BO, because I have put on deodorant twice today. Thanks Metro.
• Hipster glasses=douche. You're not trendy, you're a follower. BE YOUR OWN PERSON, FUCK!
• Alex Knepper is a perfect example of the backlash from the privileged majority that occurs when inequality is challenged.
• Is it just me, or do a lot of students here only care about themselves?? I know I was raised better than that.
• There is literally nothing about this school that I like aside from the professors; that includes the lot of you. AU students are the absolute worst and Eagle Rants just prove that.
• You will never meet these people you try to set yourself up with. FYI.
• Hot blond girl going to yoga on Friday morning, you should go more often so I can see how flexible you are!
• Roommate, learn to actually go to bed. You literally do nothing.
• Am I the only one who still misses the self-serve candy and trail mix in the Eagle's Nest? I want my gummy worms and chocolate covered coffee beans!
• Dear Dumbass Sophomore, You irritate me. It's not because you are the very embodiment of "that kid" and you make comments that are 1) unintelligible and 2) clearly just for participation points, or even because you like to flick through Web sites in an extremely distracting manner during class. It's not even because, when involved, you don't let anyone else speak because you think you're right. It's because you do all that ... and you pick your nose. We're in university. Get a tissue. Go use the bathroom. Don't jam your fingers in your nose. Sincerely, A Disgusted Senior
• Dear AU students who eat in TDR, Clean up your damn messes! I hate, absolutely HATE, sitting down to a table covered in exploded salad, a veritable chicken boneyard, and sticky masses of what looks to be an attempt to soak up fruit punch with those cheap-as-hell napkins that don't do much beyond looking brown. 1. Show the TDR workers a little respect 2. Even though they will clean up your mess, TDR is often too busy for them to get to the table, and when it's the only one left, I have to sit there. One question: Are you four years old? And I'm serious here, did your maturity level stop progressing around the time you graduated from velcro shoes, the safety swing, and your pacifier?
• Can a brotha get a courtesy flush please? ... damn.
• I heard Prescott is running as a write-in for SG President! Never Again!
• To the two annoying people in my Latin America class: YOU stop talking about political points you don't understand and YOU stop asking the teacher to repeat everything - WRITE IT DOWN WHEN SHE SAYS IT. AND LET US OTHER STUDENTS PARTICIPATE FOR ONCE!!
• Dude on the quiet floor, you are not being quiet with the way you are panicking every other minute. I am being quite literal.
• To the 18-year-old girl who's never been kissed: That was me up until welcome week. Take my advice ... just be more confident around guys and pay more attention to the ones you thought you would never look twice at, either 'cause you think they're above you or you're above them. Trust me, this worked almost TOO well for me ;) Good luck!
• Douglas Bell's blog is the best thing out there!
• Sheer genius when someone commented on the unbalanced social life. I drink but don't need to get plastered to have fun. Let's be friends. Low and behold, I love life outside of the AU community.
• Since getting a boyfriend, he and I have hooked up with more guys than we had before we got together. IN YOUR FACE HETEROS.
• Unwritten rule: Taking the elevator up to the SECOND floor makes you a jerk. Anything above that is fair game. Look it up.
• Youporn changed my life. I'm a girl.
