• The Phonathon sucks. The supervisors evaluate the callers on the phone and then get on their case when they don't execute a call perfectly. The supervisors give you all these lines to say, but phone conversations are never uniform. If I wasn't so poor, I would leave this job in an instant.
• Libertarians are spamming the editorials
• Girl in Cross Cultural class, You are not an expert on Uganda. Accept it.
• I'm looking for less snark and more anger in my Eagle Rants.
• Whoever keeps pulling the goddamn fire alarm in the middle of the night, I hate you. I am sleep-deprived enough without you interrupting the few hours I do get to sleep.
• Dear Roommate, I fucking hate you. All of my discretionary time this semester is divided between pledging, eating and getting you the fuck out of my room.
• I think that in place of the Vagina Monologues we should have an Eagle Editor Monologue. This way we can portray different versions of Charlie: Angry Charlie when the column is late. Happy Charlie when the Mets win. (Like that happens) Sad Charlie when the Quick Fix (EDITOR’S NOTE: Quick take?) doesn't happen. Cheerful Charlie when the newspaper is read by everyone. Snowed in Charlie.
• I mean really. If asking the Bus Driver to turn up the heat gets you in trouble with the rent-a-cops what's next? Asking for your food to be cooked well?
• Women's Initiative is so edgy, they're doing the Vagina Monologues. OMG! How original is that? What's next? are we going to sit around and burn our bras?
• Charlie- If you could be any animal what animal would it be? Please say horse! You could be a Charlie Horse! EDITOR’S NOTE: Sorry, I would be a cat.
• Can the Eagle post usage statistics for which articles get the greatest number of hits? I think it would be interesting to see.
• The only thing that made Saturday nights fire alarm somewhat worthwhile: witnessing drunk biddies throwing up in trash cans. Other than that, god damn you American for having two fire alarms in one week.
• Watching curling has taken over my life. Who has time for homework?
• Curtis Burrell needs to stop violating our privacy! It is repulsive!
• I'm glad AU is kicking me off campus. I hate living here.
• Why are college students so fucking self-centered? Who raised you to think that it's acceptable to leave your disgusting messes in common areas? And why do you think it's okay to leave your dirty dishes in the kitchen for weeks? It's not okay. There are like fifty other people living on your floor, show some respect. Also: is it necessary for you to wake me up with your screaming at 3am? Really?
• I hope there are more people here that chill on a Friday night. I am hoping it makes me normal and not too much of a nerd.
• Am I the only one in Hughes Hall that thinks the "taj maha-stall times" (the flyer the bathrooms) is in poor taste?
• Let's have more than an elevator chat.
• We should declare war on Cyprus. Just sayin.
• To all women who love to write about their crushes from afar: Nobody knows who you're talking about. Your life is not a romantic comedy.
• I dislike elitism, but I am an elitist and therefore annoy myself.
• Yay, I'm not the only creepy pedo who finds Justin Bieber cute!
• Dear Sgt. Maurer, What the fuck were you thinking?!?!
• To the girls at the gym who were gossiping about some girl's outfit the other day: get a fucking hobby. When people hear you talk like that, it makes them that much less inclined to want to get to know you.
• So ... I understand that the lounge kitchen is communal. But my stuff really, really isn't.
• Tavern: What the hell? The new chicken tenders are freaking chicken filets! I expect one on a sandwich not three on a plate. Also, learn to cook them. The first order they gave me wasn't even cooked in the middle. It was cold and raw! Thankfully I noticed before taking a bite.
• I love how, before every AU sporting event, they tell us not to be profane. Uh, it's college sports? Is there any reason to go to college sporting events besides being profane?
• Vegans are awesome! Not really a rant, more of an absolute truth.
• I truly love the anonymity of rants. The whole "is that me or someone I know" wonderment is brilliant. Ambiguity is so underrated.
• I am all down for hugging a tree and shit but if homegirl needs a bag, homegirl getting a bag.
• I'm glad you printed my rant, but you edited it! Come on, it was good the way it was.
• DEAR EAGLE: YOU ARE MISSING THE POLICE BLOTTER FROM THE 3RD TO THE 10TH. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOREVER! FREAKING POST IT! EDITOR’S NOTE: Since we love our readers, you can find the blotter from the third to the tenth through this link.
• All of you complaining about the shuttle system the last week need to stfu. In case you haven't heard, the entire city's been in gridlock. Yes, it took me 45 minutes to get from campus to Tenley in my own car! Go rant to Mayor Fenty. Turds.
• To the people who complain about the snow. This is winter. No one cares. Move on.
• I need to stop having it bad for those tall white boys, they're awkward as fuck.
• So that whole housing crisis thing ... really isn't going to displace all too many people is it?
• It's just rude if you see someone coming to catch the shuttle and you just drive by, shuttle drivers. You HAVE to stop at Tenley, you can't just breeze by ... I know you have room for me.
• So, I don't have housing next year. Add that to list of reasons I may not be here in the fall.
• AU Threesome best thing to happen to this paper since Jen. Worst thing: no more AU Threesome articles. WTF! Bring them back.
• I'm sure the collapsed canopy is a great motivator for perspective students looking at AU!
• I hate it when I raise my hand because I understand the material, and then you decided to call on me when I don't. Then I sound like a dunce, cut me some slack.
• It is a shame when Metro and Metrobus run better then AU's Shuttle! What a failure, and btw, prospective students can walk our tuition dollars are currently paying for the shuttle!
• Why can't we all be more casual about sex? We're in the prime years of our lives here. Let's explore and experiment while we're all still looking fine.
• Dear Concerned Resident, - I just wanted to let you know that I sleep on the couch every week, and it's not even my lounge. Also, if you feel insecure because you don't have friends, you are welcome to come and join us. I understand that it is hard to be alone (especially around Valentines Day) but don't take your anger out on happy people who actually have others to care for them. You are sad. - Thanks for the concern, - Lounge Dweller
• In accordance with the event "Tell Him He's Handsome," let me say that I think you're incredibly handsome. You have no reason to be insecure.
• Ok, I get it's a lottery but I'm a little peeved that I signed up for the housing as soon as I got the email and still got a number in the 400s.
