EAGLE RANTS DURING FINALS WEEK … BECAUSE EDITING EAGLE RANTS IS MORE FUN THAN STUDYING. ENJOY! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
•I would be less inclined to ignore every email my RA sends out if he didn't label them all "important" regardless of how mundane their contents may be.
•Fuck Massachusetts.
•I was so deprived of Eagle Rants over Thanksgiving break that I considered searching around the site to see what else the Eagle had to offer. Luckily I came to senses though.
•Charlie, My last rant you changed the wording and took it out of context. Next time that happens I'm kickin' your ass. I know where you live. EDITOR’S NOTE: I didn’t ‘change’ the context so much as remove some context.
•Dear person sleeping in the AU Graduate Study Room, GO HOME AND SLEEP! YOUR SNORING IS DISTRACTING EVERYONE IN THE ROOM. The whole room has been laughing at you, yet you still cant hear us. Random people have shook you several times to make you stop snoring, and have made noises but you wont freaking wake up. When you finally wake up, you make an even louder noise as if you are being attacked, and go right back to sleep, moral of the story, go home and snore however loud as you please, just not here Sincerely, AU Undergrad sitting next to you
•24 hour prayer circle? In the McDowell Formal Lounge? Why don't they have it somewhere more appropriate? Like the spiritual center? Or at least somewhere that doesn't block the way of students trying to walk to their dorm without getting drenched!
•That was at least the fourth comment about single lesbians ... we should all meet up, or have a secret sign or something. I mean I guess that's a little bit what QWAC is for but that’s not my preferred method of meeting single ladies. Suggestions? Time is running short!
•Dear closeted boy: you can come out to me.
•I'd just like to say thanks to all the boys that hold doors open at AU. I come from a place where that's just common courtesy but sometimes people here don't seem to know what that is.
•To the person who referred to the "CentenitTRON" last week, it is actually called the "CenteniVATOR." Get your facts straight!
•I'm not angry or mad or anything. Maybe we should actually have a conversation sometime
•Dear Eagle Rants, let's make like a couple of shepherds and get the flock out of here.
•What does Charlie want for Christmas? EDITOR’S NOTE: A girlfriend.
•Dear Eagle Rants, What does love, got to do, got to do with it?
•Why is everyone still hating on the eagle's layout? It's not even new anymore, and I like it!!
•Pandora is my savior this finals period. Love.
•Whoever lives on the third floor in the east wing of the berks and SCREAMS for NO REASON at weird hours REALLLLY needs to get over that habit. like really, wtf??
•There were cockroaches in McKinley today. Cockroaches the size of small animals. I kid you not.
•I've got a bad case of baby dick; can the Health Center treat this, or will I just pay 20 dollars to be told I have a small penis?
•Am I the only one who didn't swoon over Inglorious Basterds?
•Dear friend, I CANNOT TAKE you talking about your weight anymore and constantly talking about everything I put in my mouth and what you put in your mouth. gained weight? yea u did! if you have a problem with it stop eating shit and hit the fucking gym! OR get it through your head that you are friggin beautiful because u are!
•I hate it when people call AU's basketball team an embarrassment. The basketball team may be an embarrassment but the team's failures fall short of the embarrassment this newspaper causes AU. No wonder all the other DC schools think AU sucks. Judging by our school newspaper quality, I would agree. EDITOR’S NOTE: What the hell! Displaced anger? Eagle Rants demands an apology.
•Dear Classmates, I know you are bored and not interested in my presentation, but yours wasn't exactly riveting. Get off your laptops and phones and listen to me for 10 minutes. Sincerely, Disgruntled Presenter
•My roommate's sleep schedule is the complete opposite of a normal human beings. She stays up all night and sleeps all day — WTF? Go to bed at a normal hour and maybe you won't sleep through all your classes!
•Is it wrong to use someone two years younger than me as a rebound since I know they're going abroad next semester anyway? He's so bloody cute.
•Stop complaining about the basketball team, you don't even show up to support them.
•My favorite part about the end of the semester is all the young people sharing their extra meal swipes. hurray for tdr! : )
•To the weightlifters at the gym--the Jacobs Fitness Center staff would really appreciate it if you PUT YOUR SHIT BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH IT
•I am going to say it slowly and clearly so that everyone can understand: YIELD. TO. PEDESTRIANS.
•ignore finals, blog instead: clawedvice.tumblr.com
•Hey, the fervor over the bullshit that is the (so-called) Super Loop has died down. Come on people, let's re-stoke the fires and get ourselves a shuttle system that doesn't suck as much ass!
•I'm glad the soccer girls can finally start going out. They're fine.
•To One Of My Former Best Friends (who I'm not going to name in this rant because it wouldn't help): We were friends for a year and a half and then over the summer you decided to stop talking to me. Then I saw you today and you looked right at me and didn't say anything. You looked like you were in a hurry, but you could have at least said hi. What gives?
•It is 3:30 on a Sunday and I want ice cream. Screw you, TDR.
•I've been to the perch three times in the last three days, and now have three perch mugs. Why can't they just give me a paper cup?
•Hey, Greek Life. No one cares about who hooked up with who, what parties are good, why your formal is going to rule/suck/be on the same day as someone else's. We care so much less when you're gabbing about it in the library during finals. We get it that you're academic outcasts and care more about drinking than graduating, so how about you shut up when we're trying to actually study
•Ah, the end of the semester. Time to dust off our anti-bookstore rants. I'll start: WHY DOES THE BOOKSTORE NOT BUY ANY OF MY BOOKS BACK?!
•How about them boys. The AU wrestling should be given high praise. Our basketball is rebuilding and getting better. Please support the wrestling team. Can you imagine not pigging out during the holidays. How about them boys.
•I’m in the lit lounge. Trying to do finals work. I dont want to hear you discuss your theses and final projects with the entire room. THANKS.
•WHY ARE THERE NO RANTS TODAY??? IT WOULD HAVE MADE FINALS WEEK SO MUCH BETTER.
•I officially have a dating pool of zero. FML.
•WHY ARE THERE NO EAGLE RANTS DURING FINALS WEEK??? i... neeed.... distraction..... facebook... not.... enough.... EDITOR’S NOTE: Ask and ye shall receive.
• Light me up, put me on top, lets falalalalalalalala. the only place you wanna be is underneath my christmas treee. I LOVE LADY GAGA XMAS SONGS. HOT.
•Wanted male (for a female) : must enjoy reading Auden outside, and playing in piles of leaves. Must prefer dusk to morning, and be able to name constellations. Must smile at all living things, the easy stuff like daffodils, but even the rats that live near McKinley. Must not be arrogant or high minded, or be overly preppy and "intellectual". Must instead enjoy words, the world, and people just because they are worth the effort. Must be witty, dry humored, and quote the occasional Shakespearean insult. Must be generous with charity and friends- and always give to the Salvation Army guy. And, most importantly- Must want adventure. — come find me. I'll be forever waiting patiently EDITOR’S NOTE: Correction … I want whoever wrote this for Christmas.
•Dear Worst Roommate Ever, I secretly hate you with the fire of a thousand suns. Just be thankful that I hate you less than the rest of our floor does. Please transfer to your local community college before I dump a bucket of your disgusting (THINGS TOO DISGUSTING FOR WORDS EDITED OUT) under your blankets because THEY SHOULDN'T BE ON MY SIDE OF THE ROOM. Oh, and the next time you go take my stuff when I'm gone, do a better job of covering your tracks. Love, The Roommate Who Acts Their Age P.S.- I hope you burp endlessly on your date today. The boy didn't heed my warning...
•To Graham Vyse: Being the Editorial Page Editor doesn't mean you have the right to be a pompous ass to the newbies. EDITOR’S NOTE: The Eagle would like to congratulate former-columnist Joe Wenner for his promotion to editorial page editor. Graham called it a semester and will now be working exclusively on his “Political Scoop” news commentary. If you would like to write for the ed page next semester e-mail Joe at edpage@theeagleonline.com.
•Dear everyone who does not live on Centennial 2, Stop using our laundry room. Seriously. I understand that it's free, and that's nice, but one of our dryers already broke and the other one barely works. Also, you're starting to drive people who ACTUALLY LIVE ON THE FLOOR to use other floor's laundry rooms because ours is constantly in use by people who don't actually live here. It's really annoying. Stop. Love, Me
•Dear tall cute boy on Leonard 5 (I think?), I love how your definition of being a gentleman is not only helping me finish my disgusting vodka/rum concoction, but also opening doors and walking me home. Please please please, a TDR date is in order. Sincerely, female James Bond watcher from McDowell 4
•I just spent the last three hours reading every single page of Eagle rants. MLIAU.
•Major life dilemma: How quickly will I get fired from my internship if someone finds me fast asleep in the corner of the copy room?
•Is there any way to make the journalism classes here have to write like a weekly piece that could be put into the eagle, or something along those lines. The quality of work is truly terrible and us phone-a-thon workers have nothing to do at work EDITOR'S NOTE: No.
•Sometimes when I lip sing along to really sad songs, my eyes start to tear up and I feel like I should cry.
•Where are the rants?!? I need procrastinate during finals, so WHERE ART THOU EAGLE RANTS? Jeez.
•Finals... FUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKK
•Fuck it being warmer at the National Mall. I went there to see a snowy capital building, and do you know what I got? Rain. And cold. And wind.
•Winter Weather... FUUUUUUUUUCCKKKK-cicles
•Someone should make a PS3 and a Resident Evil 5 magically appear in my dorm room. And by someone, I mean you.
•Merry Chismahanukwanzaca bitches!
