• Dear loud girls of Leonard 8, You're loud and everyone hates you. I don't know why you think 3 o'clock in the morning is a good time to chat it up with everyone you know. You have a very loud voice. We don't appreciate it.
• Dear Leonard 8,
Is it necessary for you all to be Skyping or talking on the phone during every hour of the day? Especially in front of my room?
• The pep rally tonight was pathetic.
• TDR has the Comfort Zone and the Danger Zone: Cucina Verde. That shit never looks edible.
• It's humbling to think that right now, somewhere in the United States, a former child actor is probably almost as high as I am.
• I think we can all agree that the third season of "So Weird" was not as good as the first two.
• If Lincoln were alive today, he would be really old.
• My long-distance boyfriend can't get it up on those rare occasions when we get to be in the same state. I'm an honest woman and I love him, but if he doesn't give me an orgasm over winter break I may break up with him. Yes it's shallow, but I've got needs. For serious.
• I haven't had TDR or the Tav once since I've moved off campus. IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING.
• I can't wait to graduate and move back to New York aka A REAL CITY.
• I paid $8 for a sandwich at the Katzen Cafe. Yeah.
• To the unbelievably perfect, cute boy I am seeing: I think I am falling in love with you, but I'm afraid to tell you. I need to leave here, but I need to have you in my life too!
• Dear Eagle- Stop posting page long advertisements that no one cares about and start putting eagle rants back in your papers. Rants are why people read it!
• Is Charlie a Boxers or Briefs kind of guy? EDITOR'S NOTE: Neither.
• Are we ADD? What happened to the follow up to the Thurber Story?
• A legitimate off-campus fraternity? Thank God. AU greek life is crap, and filled with whiny jerks. If they hate ZP so badly, sign me up for the next ZP rush.
• Yes, I'm playing Mafia Wars in class. This is a Gen Ed and I'm still getting an A. Stop caring about what I do with my class time.
• Hey 5th floor Anderson basketball team, I understand that having to walk an extra 12 feet to the men's room on the other side of the dorm is difficult, but using the ladies restroom is still gross. No wonder the Eagles suck this year, none of their players know how to aim.
• OK. 6 to 8 page paper is NOT going to happen. I'm trying, but I only have a paragraph done and it's due TOMORROW. Not to mention all the events I have to attend for other classes so I can write my awesome "reaction" papers for them ... seriously? You want me to pay $45 for a ticket to a concert and then write a 10 page paper about it? I'd rather enjoy myself watching Maroon 5 at GW ... *sigh*
• Why is there no research on quiet hours the noise policy here at AU? And why is there no enforcement of said policy? really? REALLY???
• Why can I not focus in my room anymore? can I get some tips on how to focus? Oh! Could The Eagle write a story on focusing and studying tips because finals are coming up in about a month? it would be greatly appreciated.
• Dude. Where are all the AU fellas who love a girl above a size 2? FOR REALS.
• Zeta Psi, we support you.
• Dear girls in front of me in the library, Stop having fun. The second floor is for ANTIFUN. Go dance to Miley Cyrus (or whatever is playing in your mind for your silent dance party) in your room.
Love, Someone who's making a legitimate effort to pass college
• Dear ridiculously cute APO boy, Ask me out. I'd really love to get to know you better. TDR date please? xoxo Frustrated Lady
• I miss using AIM. Especially reading people's profiles.
• The Eagle should have a "Missed Connection" section just like Craigslist. It would make reading it so much more entertaining.
• One more reason having a dry campus sucks: I can't cook with wine.
• Bob Vitas: I think you're busy and Ima let you finish, but I'm so busy I didn't even have time to nominate myself for AU's Busiest Student.
• The more you frat snobs hate ZP, the more I want to be a member.
• I am terrified to be the roommate that never leaves the room.
• Listen, just because I go home to visit my boyfriend doesn't mean you can talk shit. I love AU, but I also love being with my boyfriend. You have everything you love in one area code, LUCKY YOU. Also, please stop telling me that when you two were apart for summer break it was worse, because last time I checked, summer is THREE MONTHS. I'm apart from him almost all YEAR.
• I whole heartedly believe in Karma. There is no need to seek revenge, the powers of the cosmos will get the assholes messing with my life in the long run. And when they finally do get what's coming to them, all I will do is sit back, relax and be entertained.
• 'Tis the season to eat drink and be merry.
• I was about to rant, but class is over! yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
• Hey friend ... can we be more than friends? I wanna hold your hand.
• Fact: Fraternities don't respect women.
• Fact: Greek life does not promote socioeconomic diversity.
• Sometimes I find myself being extra spiteful in my Eagle rants; they bring out the worst in me. And I like it.
• Is it a "prereq" for the Scene "writers" to use "quotation marks" in every single one of their "headlines?"
• Elvis Costello, you used to look so good in tight pants. I'm swoonin' over you.
• Eagle Rants brings down my self-esteem sometimes, especially when I'm sitting around trying to come up with something remote scandalous for an Eagle Rant .. and then I can think of nothing :(
• RE: AU is garbage. I'm sorry that you only got into AU, and are now taking advantage of AU's easy grading policy to obtain a high enough GPA so schools like GWU or Georgetown will accept you. Best of luck with majoring in douchebaggery!
• After losing track of how many rants I've submitted, I have to pause and wonder, "Am I ranting too hard?" No.
• RE: If I rant enough, will someone love me? Yes.
• The Eagle's newest column, True Life: I Eagle Rant.
• I wish Sassy Chef would start poisoning the food in TDR so all of the self-entitled assholes who bitch about it will finally shut the fuck up.
• If I accomplish one thing before I graduate, I will find out the identity to Sassy Chef! MARK MY WORDS!
• Is it bad that I'd rather watch Oprah than go to my boring lit class?
• To the lame ass who basically bashed AU in the last rant - We know you're just some pompous Georgetown reject in disguise, so thanks for your enlightening review of AU, now get the fuck out, thanks.
• Originally I just wanted to write out the whole Boondock Saints prayer in this rant, but I figured it might be too long, so I talked myself out of it, and now this rant is basically pointless.
• I think everyone knows the SOC is actually where it's at!
• I learned long ago to imagine the audience naked during public speaking. But I have yet to figure out how to hide my resulting boner.
• I know what you did.
• Anyone interested in exploring the snuggie sutra (http://thesnuggiesutra.com/) with a single bisexual man, please e-mail snuggiesutra@gmail.com.
• GET DRUNK COMMENT ON THE EAGLE.
• Why did the AU administration think enough to admit us, but not enough to give us a say in how the university's run?
• When audio-visual dance/club mash-ups become the shit, you all will regret that you weren't at Eclectic Method.
• Why did the AU administration think enough to admit us, but not enough to give us a say in how the university's run?
• My roommate is an idiot.
• The SG travel subsidy should cover personal trips home.
• I wonder what percentage of these rants are all coming from the same 10 people.
• You don't think the Lego plane on my dresser has anything to do with my inability to get laid... do you?
• I don't understand how the Eagle's Nest gets away charging such outrageous prices. Everything there is marked up at least double what a normal store would sell it at. And their selection is horrible so that can't even cite that as a reason for high prices. The administration at this school needs to address this blatant abuse of the store's monopoly power on campus.
• I got a request for @spottedatau to follow me on Twitter. Discuss.
• Q: What's the protocol if someone sneezes on the quiet floor of the library? I'm a very polite person so I feel terrible not telling the person "bless you" but I clearly don't want to disturb the other people around us.
• Dear cute AV guy, I love it when you come to my classes to help out the professor. Stop staring and speak to me already.
• What is with the Charlie fan club, I mean really ... Come on, Chuckles.
• My dad has his secretary call and check up on me.
• I want more AU Threesome columns to be published. It's the only interesting thing to read in this "paper" EDITOR'S NOTE: Despite the snarky quotes, I will assume you are being serious and direct you to this issue's Scene section.
• Why are we losing to bad teams like Macon and St. Francis? It's time for Jeff Jones to go.
• What kind of mascot is Scobby Doo? I mean it's better than some lame Eagle, but who chooses Scooby Doo?
• What a touch choice, we can see that loser Arlen Specter, or we can see those losers the AU Eagles Basketball Team. Tough choice ...
• I just want the girl who was in my FSE group as one of the freshmen I lead that I'm so glad she found love with her girlfriend - I sat behind them on the shuttle and they seemed so happy - I hope it lasts forever! :)
• Klingonese should be taught at AU. It's more useful talking with my roommate than french or Spanish.
• I heard love-making noises from my RA's room. Yuck.
