• Dear abroad students at AU, In the U.S. the use of emoticons is limited to flirting. Please stop sending mixed signals. Thanks!
• I can't wait for Glee tonight! It's just filled with such wonderful warm fuzzy feelings.
• If we're playing this badly against schools like CUA and Macon, how are we going to withstand the force of a major basketball school like Albany?
• Where can I buy an "I heart Charlie" shirt? EDITOR'S NOTE: Only from me personally.
• McDonald's McCafe McSucks and can McKiss my McAss.
• Dear AU Library: Who pays your fine anyway? Best, AU Student
• That was an EPIC fire alarm being sprung in the MGC last night.
• I just spotted a Marine in uniform on the quad. Nom nom nom!
• Dear Tavern, The chicken tenders were woefully miserable today. Please fix that.
•What's the point of fraternities and sororities? All you do is hang out with the same people every day. It's a sad way to meet new people, and you tend to be very inclusive.
• Alright everyone ... here's the truth. Everyone in AU are [sic] incompetent, unreliable, lazy and unmotivated to do anything. This is why we fail as a university compared to Georgetown and George Washington. They dream further and much better than us. Visualize AU as a valley of ashes where no one going to go anywhere with their degrees anyway. Just transfer, do it, I'm doing it, he's doing it, let's all do it. AU is garbage.
• My childhood nanny calls me more often than my parents. :( LOVE ME, DADDY!
• Contributing to Eagle Rants gives my life meaning. Thanks Editor. You have instilled in me a new will to live.
• To the guy who sits next to me in my GOVT class: You are a complete tool and I want to punch you in the face. Stop laughing at all the professor's jokes and answering all her rhetorical questions. You annoy the shit out of me.
• If I rant enough, will someone love me?
• Yesterday I spent 30 minutes doing homework and five hours watching Gossip Girl.
• I rant because I'm lonely, and my soul yearns to be understood.
• I love my long distance boyfriend so much. But I love my girlfriend (who he doesn't know about) even more. Houston, we have a problem.
• Does TDR actually wash their dishes? I am beginning to suspect. I demand disposable plates and utensils. EDITOR'S NOTE: Be careful what you wish for.
• Hi, it's me again, the girl in the one year relationship who still hasn't had an orgasm. So I am beginning to think my boyfriend is suspecting that my fake orgasms are fake. I really need The Eagle to do a good story of the orgasm speaker next week. Please?...
• Dear Editor, I was just wondering if you have the power to see what IP address the rants come from, thereby giving you the knowledge of how many students are doing the posting? What all do you know about the ranter when rants are submitted... EDITOR'S NOTE: We know nothing. It is completely anonymous.
•Sometimes when I Eagle Rant, I feel like I have the power to control the student body with my subliminal messages. muahahahaha
•Short boy with glasses in my JLS class: your mind turns me on.
•To the illogical person who has a problem with non-handicapped people pushing the handicapped button to open doors: Why would I voluntarily touch a germ infested handle in the middle of a swine flu epidemic when I could just as easily press a button with my foot and avoid touching the door? It's not like the button will start rejecting opening the door for handicapped people because non-handicapped people use it. Let's use our minds a little please.
•To whoever said they saw 13 of their Eagle Rants in a row: My record is 15. HA
• My father asked me if I was watching "the game" on Sunday. I replied that I didn't know there was a game. Oh, if I could bottle the disappointment in his voice! You've raised a pansy, sir.
• Dear very cute boy, You should talk to me more and before the semester ends! :]
• To the dick who stole my bike, My brakes are shoddy. I hope the bike falls apart while you're riding it. Sweet dreams douche bag. EDITOR'S NOTE: I would like to direct this Ranter to a previous article in The Eagle entitled "Rant: Fuck you Bike Thief." I believe you will empathize with the author.
• When did Eagle Rants become a dating service?
• Dear Eagle, Can you possible make a classifieds section for AU singles? If you can, can I please be the matchmaker??
• Last week, I posted about my roommate interested in a semi-formal date/snuggle buddy. If you're interested, e-mail loveisthelyrics@aim.com! Don't be shy!!!
• Unfortunately all the guys worth dating at AU are gay. Fortunately for me I swing both ways. But where are all the cute single not-straight girls?
• Dear Neighbor, I know you have a very healthy sex life but please keep in mind that our walls are not real walls so thumping against them is very audible. Your Neighbor trying to sleep
• To guy sitting next to me in my German class, I think you are soo HOT!!!
• How many rings do you have, Red Sox fan? If you were all that great you would have been at the World Series but you were not.
• People in my sociology class: when the professor is lecturing and you loudly talk over him about meaningless things, it is extremely rude and annoying to those of us trying to listen! I know you're bored but please shut up!
• Look, complaints about TDR should go on the TDR complaints board. Complaints about your roommate should go to your roommate. Complaints about your professor should go on evaluations, or Rate My Professors. Send these gripes where they'll do some good; quit forcing the people looking for entertainment to read about your legitimate and occasionally depressing concerns!
•To everyone complaining about people taking the elevator to the second or third floor: a) stop being assholes, not all disabilities are visible; b) how can it possibly make that much of a difference to you anyway?
• Threesome seekers: not lame, just can you think of any other place possibly in the world that would be sketchier to meet people than Eagle Rants?! Apparently, a lot of people can't, actually.
• Please stop whining about the lack of straight guys on campus. What is way more appalling and sad is the lack of lesbians and queer women on campus! Where my single ladies at?!
•Everyone at this school wants to save the world but all I want to do is work at a fashion magazine. I feel like such a freak.
• Dear neighbor, As much as I enjoy hearing your boyfriend have sex for a few minutes, then talking effing loudly for a few minutes, then have sex again, could you do it when I'm not laying in my bed a mere inches away from all of your excitement?
• I would just like to send out a big "fuck you" to the jerk who stole my phone at TDR tonight.
• Remember the first episode of Spellbinder where the dude goes into the parallel world? Haha, that was epic.
• To the piece of shit who stole my friend's iPhone: REALLY? YOUR PARENTS ARE PAYING TENS OF THOUSANDS OF $$$ TO GO HERE, DO YOU NEED TO BE STEALING SHIT?
• I HATE HALLOWEEN, but thanks to the people who made mine fun, anyway. Let's hang out again, I'm serious.
• Dear roommate, After learning about how much of a klepto you are at stores, etc...I semi-suspect you've stolen the earrings, cash and thermos I've lost since I've been here. It's unfortunate and probably wildly unlikely, but true. Love, Your worried roommate
• To the boy I'm actually obsessed with: I want us to date. And sit on the quad all day. And eat shitty TDR food. And watch movies. And hang out. Drunken hookups are so last month. Make a move! EDITOR'S NOTE: (Set to the tune of "Kiss the Girl" from "The Little Mermaid) Sha-la-la-la-la-la My, oh, my Look at the boy too shy He ain't gonna soberly kiss the girl Sha-la-la-la-la-la Aint it sad? Tell him or he won't ever Kiss the girl. Kapish?
• How sad is it that I submit tons of Eagle Rants because I know I have no chance of ever having a post secret posted online?
• To the boy (who lives 2 floors below me) that I met in the basement of a party while we were waiting for the cops to leave: I see you everywhere but neither of us do anything more than acknowledge the other's existence with longer-than-usual locked eye contact. Change this, I don't have the confidence to.
