Today’s trending topics: New Jersey, nerds and AUCC strike back.
Today’s top rant: I find it difficult to masturbate when the librarian is threatening to call security. How about some consideration?!
Where the hell is Arty Ward week? Impeach the VP for being negligent of his duties. What a joke!
Can someone explain to me why I stay up till 4 in the morning? K thx.
This isn’t high school anymore; this is college. I hope you remember how much fun you had partying it up when you can’t get a job in four years.
I thought coming to AU meant I’d be meeting other intellectual types. Why am I surrounded by easy, slutty girls and wannabe-jock frat boys?
It’s October and I got a sunburn! FML! I’m Irish. FML again!
Dear cute redhead girl with the eyebrow ring ... Why do you have to smoke, it’s such a deal-breaker...
I am a sophomore, and I love the freshmen. They make me feel less like an alcoholic.
My girlfriend and I are celebrating our one-year anniversary this week. It’s also the three-month anniversary of the first time I cheated on her.
I recently became an AU Ambassador. Some of them are normal, but most of them are really weird and socially awkward. It makes me fear for our image.
LeVar Burton has his own Web site. He may even be on Facebook. Only one way to find out.
I’ve decided that my first son will be named Launchpad McQuack. Interested ladies?
I don’t have time for a girlfriend! That doesn’t make me gay, does it?
Batman’s parents were killed after walking home through the quaint neighborhood of Crime Alley. I think Batman’d realize that they were asking to be gunned down. Crime Alley.
I can accept sending a monkey, dog, or even a cat in an experimental rocket to make sure its safe. But why a horse? Also, who names a horse Comet?
Multimedia productions has a couple of babes teaching it ... SOC students? Give me some love!!!
Superman’s pets all ended up on Earth because Superman’s father decided to test his rocket before he stuffed his newborn son into it.
So what if my penis only measures 2 inches? It’s 3.5 inches when erect. So there.
OMG!! That Asian guy with the pink sweater in the library is so HOT!!
Forget about Eagle’s Nest; I think the people that work at Mudbox should get more “thank you’s.” They are simply the best!
Have you ever noticed how girls say “Thiiink Youuu” instead of “Thank you” like normal human beings? Weird, right? EDITOR’S NOTE: This is my rant.
To the girl that I walked home tonight: I don’t know if you are interested or not, but I think you are really pretty and would like to take you out on a date!
The article about Sonya was probably the best article I’ve ever seen in The Eagle. Sonya for President!
We the people, in order to form a more perfect union ... Ahhhh... priceless!
New Jersey is the boss of all the other states. You hate it because it has power over you, but without it, you’d be poor.
To whoever writes the editor’s notes: If you don’t apologize for that last comment last time, I will find out where you live and tease you about it.
Making fun of New Jersey is just lazy. Be creative, make fun of some other states. It’s not hard, pick on an easy one like Connecticut or Wyoming! I’m talking to you, guy who writes the editor’s notes!
Eagle Rant Editor: It’s too bad we don’t pick up our trash in New Jersey. Hopefully that doesn’t stop from going there in the future. I don’t know how we could survive without the guy who copies and pastes Eagle Rants. EDITOR’S NOTE: This was an extremely personal attack against me. What would you do if I left?
To Miss Whinypants: for the socially maladjusted such as myself, video-game-gasms are all we have. And that last kill in Halo feels so much better at 3 a.m.
Reminder: Turtle cried when he and Drama were watching Brian’s Song back in season 3.
I can’t decide if I want to take up smoking again. On one hand, it might kill me and I will be looked down upon by my family and friends. On the other, I enjoy it and it wasn’t a bad stress reliever last semester. Do any fellow ranters have any advice?
Hey ranters who hate the AUCC, you had the chance to be in the caucus, you had the chance to present a coherent budget, you had the chance to defend your budget. And now you have a chance to appeal that budget allocation you got. It isn’t the AUCC’s fault that you either put together a terrible budget, were too lazy to do a budget hearing, or don’t need the money you think you deserve.
To the person whining about AUIM, if you didn’t get in you either didn’t get noticed or weren’t good enough. People notice their friends more, and when there are almost 100 girls in such a tiny space, you’re not going to see everyone. So maybe you should lay off the schadenfreude and actually take a dance class or two. Or don’t, because none of us want to deal with a bitch in rehearsal anyway.
Dear Leo 7, You guys ARE the worst behaved residents in Leonard, even since last year, when most of you lived in Leo 8. You’re not in high school anymore. Grow up.
I want a foursome with the AU threesome!
Dear AU, Can you please remove the rats from campus? I don’t like them. Signed, Standing on a Chair
I want to see more really funny, frilly, and fantastic toys around our school. They may waste my tuition dollars, but those public safety scooters make me happy.
OOOOOF. You are soo good looking cat.
On a scale of 1-10, SPA classes are filled with douche bags. 10.
You can’t just go around using Tobasco Sauce like Texas Pete’s. It’s just not the same shit.
