I really do think I'm better than a lot of people in the sense that most people are really boring and have no personality.
The supervisors in the Phonathon don't understand that a 20 min break is not enough time to harvest all my crops in Farmville!!!!
I have the best farm out of most people I know, and I don't know if that's something to be proud of or not.
The only reason I work at the Phonathon is to talk to good characters and see if I can marry a rich man.
I hate it when the freshmen think they have some semblance of authority over people, especially upperclassmen. Who are you to tell me what to do? You suck.
I wish you would get your head out of your ass and stop thinking you're better than everyone. I don't care who you are or what sport you play; you're a bitch and no one likes you.
I am too drunk to be at work right now.
I can't stand most of the people I live with...
I need to move off-campus.
Bitchez
Dear idiots in my Individual Freedom vs. Authority class,
STFU and let the professor lecture. If you must interrupt the class with one of your pathetic attempts at an intelligent question, spit it out t-t-t-today, junior and DON'T continue to argue with the professor for 10 minutes after she's answered you. YOUR OFF-TOPIC AND IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS DO NOT MAKE YOU SOUND SMARTER. YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT WHO DIDNT READ THE BOOK. That goes for you too, soft-spoken Asian-American girl. If you find Plato and Hobbes THAT difficult to understand, go to her OFFICE HOURS and stop wasting class time. This is why office hours exist.
<3, Concerned in Class
Of course the fire alarm was set off by Leo 7. Who else?
Dear boys blasting music outside Centennial,
Journey? Really? Could you be any more trite?
I love my RA! And not only because of the free handjobs ...
To whoever complained about SUB last week, shut your mouth. We put on countless concerts in the tavern for FREE every month. Booking Bender is expensive. Be thankful for the concerts you do get.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Your pronoun has indicated your bias.
To the person who said Einstein Bros. Bagels was poorly run, their bagels are the BEST on campus, hands down. If you want to complain, complain about the stale bagels at Ward.
THANK YOU to whoever found and turned in my bag after I left it in TDR last week! Though the pills in it were mysteriously gone...
To the schlubby douchebag in my govt class: Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Now. You never say anything constructive and you clearly just love to hear yourself talk. You waste tons of time, and therefore my tuition dollars, in an otherwise interesting class and I hate you for it.
People who live on South side and whine about the Super Loop: get over it! An extra 10 minutes on the shuttle isn't going to kill you...and neither is the 5 minute walk from Katzen!
I was sexiled. Not by my roommate, but my roommate's parents. Who doesn't enjoy family weekend?
Whoa, where did all this anti-Gathering stuff come from? It's good to know I'm not the only person who thinks rock is ONLY the devil's music.
University donor dinners piss me off. I can't help it. I went to one two years ago, and the guy who sat next to me yammered on about his high-powered position at some office somewhere, how he took his girlfriend to Paris on a whim for New Year's Eve, and then he ate the seaweed (Yes. Seaweed.) off my plate. I felt very poor and awkward sitting next to him, and I felt that, as a student, I was a display for him. Like "Ohhh, this is who all of my money is going to..." Part of me wanted to smash my face into my plate and start jumping up and down like a monkey in a zoo because that's kind of what I felt like.
I also can't get my head around the thought that I'm donating quite a lot of money to this university. Something like $47,000 a year, while the dinner costs, at minimum, $1,000 a head. And yes, I'm getting an education in return, but how much of what I'm paying goes to fund things like...oh...our president's six-figure salary? Or dinners like this that most students can't go to? Or the salaries of our nepotistic Student Government execs?
It's just one of those things that makes me stop and think why I'm buying into this whole private university system. Especially when they take over the music building on a night where I would have liked to go play violin for awhile, but I suppose I can't begrudge them one day when I have 364 others. And yay, we can honour those who forked over the cash for said building ... but isn't AU something like 94 percent tuition dependent, anyway? Which means that we're funding most of our own education along with everything else?
Somebody please make me feel better about this...or tell me how horrendously wrong I am and how un-spirited I am about AU. Or tell me I'm being overly cynical or horribly ungrateful. I have no sources for my statistics, but the whole thing makes me rather ill.
Before going to college, I didn't know girls could masturbate. Thanks again for the life lessons, AU!
People working in those semi-transparent cubicles on the first floor of the library: they are not sound proof and you are still in a library. Speak accordingly.
Who still roots for the Angels? Nobody cares. Not even Danny Glover.
I spilled a lot of hot chocolate in TDR today. FML.
Phonathon...just five more hours of phone calls and those Uggs are mine
Phonathon, sometimes I hang up the phone and just sit here.
I expected that people here would care about school, then I realized that all the former private school kids riding daddy's visa don't give a shit.
Frat boys actually are really cool ... pause NOT!
Hey roommate, When I ask you if you want to come to the gym I really want you not to come, therefore maintaining physical dominance over you.
I'd get laid more at an Evangelical Christian college.
Thanks AU.
Love,
A straight female
Abstinence is very easily practiced for straight women at AU.
In high school, I was considered the hottest girl in our class, thus far at AU one lesbian has flirted with me ... and that's it. I love college.
Phonathon is especially fun when you get peanut butter on your headset microphone. Also its fun when the person your calling answers whilst you are sucking the peanut butter off of the microphone, and then he asks if this is a 900 number ... I said it was.
To the frat boys on my floor who find it necessary to keep the door open while they obnoxiously shout at sports on TV - you're trying to be masculine; we get it. Now please shut the fuck up.
I'm in love with a boy in one of my classes. I don't think he remembers my name.
Dear beautiful girl from Visual Literacy LC, realize that I'm crushing on you. Thanks.
If I ever find out who is attempting to play "a whole new world" over and over and over again on south side I am going to take their clarinet or whatever the hell it is and beat them over the head with it until they never want to touch a musical instrument again in their life.
Every grad student feels a little creepy in class with young undergrads (or maybe just unhip).
Eagle Rants should have a Facebook fan page.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Duly noted.
Dear Male Basketball Players: You do not need to bring a basketball with you wherever you go? Are you confused about your identity without it? We all get that you are a basketball player. Your basketball jersey, shorts, and shoes give it away. Oh, and your exceedingly obnoxious behavior.
To the girls who wear scarves when it is 67 degrees outside: You do not look fashionable. You look like a robot of conformity who follows perceived fashion trends in a desperate attempt to fit in.
What's with all the pot busts on campus? I don't smoke myself, but I thought we were an open minded college ... I guess not.
My roommate is sexy, and I want to bone her.
I miss Juicy Campus. If I'm not destroying someone else's reputation, I don't know how to spend my free time.
Someone in my dorm is engaged. Creepy.
Thanks to Eagle Rants, I no longer need cocaine.
Why are there creepy homeless people roaming campus each night? Can campus security please leave the donut shop and do something about this. Much appreciated.
Why is the health center too lame to bill the co-pay home instead of making us pay on the spot? Next time I get sick, I will skip paying $20 to go to the health center and will instead spread my untreated swine flu all around campus. Thank you student health center.
My boyfriend doesn't know I'm a lesbian and every time I have sex with him, I imagine my best friend instead of him. Should I tell him?
Girl with red hair in my IR class: stop putting down everyone else's comments. You aren't as smart as you think. And you're very rude.
It's called covering your mouth when you cough. It isn't that hard, you disgusting proles.
Why does the library spend their money buying TV shows that we can get for free at the public library or online, meanwhile there supposedly aren't enough funds to keep the gym open on weekend nights ... WTF.
Are all the girls on this campus drunken skanks? Just checking.
My adviser scares me. Not gonna lie, she looks like a vampire.
The music in TDR makes my ears bleed. Turn it OFF!
If TDR doesn't bring back the trays, I am going to leave my Escalade running on a full tank of gas every single night.
Dear TDR: Bring back the trays NOW! We all know that you didn't get rid of them for environmental reasons. You got rid of them in a cheap effort to cut costs. BOOO
To intelligent girl with morals:
Hi! I am an intelligent guy with morals who is interested.
To everyone complaining about Ward Circle traffic: you do realize that it's not the university's responsibility to make sure your dumb ass knows how to cross a street, right?
I just got kicked out of the SOC because the lab is being used and the classrooms are being used. What happened to free printing and computer access? :(
Why do professors want reaction papers? They're just going to grade them, hand them back, mark them down in their books, and then forget them. You really don't care about my reaction to whatever topic/event I had to write about, you just want to give me a bad grade because I don't know how to "react" properly. Please stop making me feel bad about myself. Thanks.
You whining little artsy bastards make me sick. The Katzen Building is closed for eight hours! Get over it. Why shouldn't a building paid for by donors be used for an annual event that thanks donors and encourages more donors to contribute money that perpetuates your privileged lifestyles. You take being spoiled to a new level. The real world awaits you, beware.
To all the people in the police blotter who are upset that your wallets are stolen ... DONT LEAVE THEM UNATTENDED ON A TABLE IN MGC OR TDR!!!! It's not that hard!
Hey, all my friends are turning gay!! There has to be something special about AU :)
Everybody who complains about the fact that there are no good straight guys are just really complaining that they can't get good looking straight guys. There are plenty of average, homely, or subpar looking straight guys out there.
- Average/homely straight guy
I know that leggings are really comfortable, but if I can see skin through the fabric then they do NOT qualify as acceptable pants for class.
Seriously kids, we're in college now. Why do some people still think it's cool to chew gum with their mouths open in a quiet study room?
"Giggity" is such a versatile word.
Big Goofy will have a breakout year for the AU BBall team this year. Book it.
Dear person who outbid me on green corduroys,
YOU SUCK. WHY DO YOU WANT THEM ANYWAY? MY HALLOWEEN IS RUINED.
Title 9 is the reason no one gives a shit about AU sports.
Cars pealing out, Jersey girls screaming obscenities, wtf AU? You make it impossible for me to keep my windows open and study at the same time.
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