Just because you CAN be in a 400-level Spanish course does not mean you SHOULD.
If you have to make a phone call, do it outside the bathroom. That's just awkward to hear someone peeing in the background. Really, really awkward. Yeah, that'd be great.
To my ex love interest: Thank you for curing my alcohol problem. Now that I'm sober, I'll never resort to dating a whiny, self-interested crybaby like you.
Yo AU, I'ma let you finish, but Georgetown/GW are much better schools!
Does anyone else ever passively aggressively hint to their best friend that her boyfriend is gay?
I made out this weekend with a drunk European man wearing lederhosen. It was infinitely better than hooking up with my ex-gf.
I must be totally insane to still love someone who's hurt me so badly. But I'm not petty, so thanks for the memories.
I love watching the freshmen herd. It's sort of like the zebra show on Animal Planet. That is if zebras leered at the opposite sex while vomiting in their underpants.
The sex column is dumb. I don't want to read about your anal experience.
I hate how at this school you have to make sure a guy is straight before you make sure he's single. SO ANNOYING.
I have recently met several straight, attractive, apparently single young men at AU. Maybe it is time for change! But I'm too scared of rejection to say ANYTHING to them. Come on guys, do the work!
My redheaded TA is so cute. She makes going to my 8:30 feel like it's at least 2:30 in the afternoon.
I left my zipper un-zipped all day to see if anyone would notice. They did. And now, I'm apparently considered a pervert by many people on campus.
To the cute girl in my politics class - I would so consider you more attractive if you weren't conservative.
To the neighbors across the hall and to the left of my room: Could you PLEASE keep your voices down after quiet hours? My roommates and I can hear EVERY word you're saying when your normal conversation voice is yelling. I don't CARE about Tristan and I don't care who got hit in the temple by the door to your room. My roommates and I generally have early classes and would like to get a decent amount of sleep without your yelling across the hall. Thank you.
Dear TDR Hottie, you make each bite of even the chewiest meatloaf and greasiest mashed potatoes taste like heaven whenever you come to TDR at 5 p.m. everyday.
I DON'T remember ANY of my new friends' names because I compare them to celebrities. You might be talkin' up a storm but, all I'm thinkin' is "Just dance, gonna be okay, doo doo doo doo..."
I can't find the Eagle Rants online! Put them up, the majority of us don't read the newspaper except online!
EDITORS NOTE: They were placed prominently on our homepage last week! Look carefully.
Today, while taking a shower, I saw a little black curly hair on my suitemate's loofah. Disgusted, I turned away only to realize later that it had fallen on my leg. It traveled from there down to my foot. I couldn't shake it off! Pleeease suitemates, step up the hygiene!
It is a well-known fact that the class of 2013 is boring.
Professors should learn how to get their acts together. If I'm expected to be on top of everything constantly, so should they.
Dear Eagle: More rants, more often. Phonathon workers are bored. XOXO, Calling for a Couple of Reasons
I wish that Charlie Szold would divorce Alexander Hamilton on his Facebook so I can go after him instead (Charlie, that is, I'm more of a Jefferson guy myself.)
EDITORS NOTE: Never.
Seeing an upside-down flag on the parking garage was a pleasant change from aesthetically offensive day-glo sorority banners that never come down. Thanks AWOL!
I think I'm a really nice person, but I can't seem to find someone who wants me. Any single, intelligent, activist-y gay boys out there?
Does anyone ever get drunk or high and submit Eagle Rants? Can this turn into Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy?
To the kids with all of the Kanye West imitations: so last week.
Dear AU, Get transported more often! Make having a dorm room facing the LA quad worth my while, please. Thank you.
To the self-righteous douchebag who ranted about AWOL: Have you ever been outside of this cozy, sequestered section of N.W. D.C. and taken a good look at how the actual citizens of certain areas of D.C. live? You obviously don't know anything about how other people in this country live. Thousands of kids across the United States go to bed hungry every night, and don't even consider themselves worthy of the opportunities that you're being handed. We are a nation divided in which people like you are living in ignorance while others suffer. #$@! you.
To the kid against AWOL's flag display: I know you were raised on mommy and daddy's money and probably have never seen a poor person in your life, but in case you weren't on this planet for the last few years, there ARE a lot of things that need help in this world. Grow up and learn that some people have different priorities and aren't as self-righteous as you.
The freshmen this year suck. Soooooo boring.
Yo Eagle, thanks for being a constant beacon on this campus, in that I can count on you year after year to deliver trite poorly written articles. Thanks for sucking!
EDITORS NOTE: We do have feelings. Constructive criticism? You're trite.
I stood still in TDR and was off to the side while I was talking to my friend. Someone ran right into my back. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!
Yo George, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish, but Nick is one of the best Clooneys of all time!
I saw you at Church on Sunday night wearing that blue T-shirt. I saw you mouth the words 'No, no, no, are you kidding me?' I wanted to reach across and hug you. It took a lot of courage to sit there and listen. I was surprised when you came back after walking out.
Ughhhhhh I can barely even stand to read The Eagle anymore... why does the new layout SUCK SO BAD?! No, seriously, I need an answer for this. You can't read ANYTHING.
EDITORS NOTE: Layout? Really? Content maybe ... but layout?
The American University Student Government is almost as incompetent as the Obama administration!!
