Dear young man discussing your relationship in the Mudbox, This is a really personal conversation I'm overhearing. I don't feel like I know you well enough to listen to you talking about your girlfriend's "fish taco." Maybe you could take this conversation somewhere else? I have a test in an hour and a half. Thanks, Your concerned neighbor in the orange chair
To the girl waiting for a guy to ask her out: ask him out yourself. Why should guys always have to make the first move? Grow some lady-balls and git'r'done.
Why do people cross the street without looking? IDIOTS just walk in front of my car 'n assume I'm gonna stop ... NOPE.
The desk staff are people too. Please treat us that way by speaking to us in full sentences that include words like hello and not just your room number and name and expect us to read your mind. Thanks.
It's not winter anymore. You have no excuse to smoke by the doors anymore.
Holden Caulfield, drink a beer, go to a party, don't read a book. Try it for one weekend. Party with me, PLEASE. I just hope yer not a creeper. You seem too intellectual. I mean, it's scary, because I'm not that smart. I'll make you dumber for sure.
Dear Erik's Secret Admirers, OMG! Panda Bear Erik is hott!!!!! NEW New Erik's secret Admirer.
"Houlden" Caulfield: Seeing as the real Holden has a more than well-developed sense of self and would never misspell his own name, not even once, I think you're more of an Ackley. -Jane
I'm well aware that my major makes me a dick. But it's OK, everybody I'm dickish to, because there's no way I'll ever get a job, ever. See you at Burger King in a couple.
To my friends who joined sororities: just because you now have Greek letters on T-shirts doesn't mean you have the right to be a complete asshole - I miss our friendships.
Rants are recession proof! Buy buy rant rant!
The five-second rule does not count at Guapo's. End of story.
I can't / so I rant / not too elegant / there are holes in my pant / I don't say it to your face/ I hold it and brace / you are a mental case / but niiice butt
Dear Guy at Girl Talk Concert, No Worries, I thought you were pretty too.
You said quite clearly "count to 12! Not 15, but 12." We need a new safe word.
Nerdy AU is only going to get worse ... I've seen those tour groups, things are not looking good. Not at all.
HEY DOUCHEBAGS! Step away from the weights and look at yourself in the mirror in your freakin' room! I need to get to the 100s and I'm in the ZONE!
I think the April Fools issue, "The Albatross," should be published at least once a month. That was amazing! Embrace the comedy, Eagle staff :)
I paid $3 for a small soy latte at the DAV the other day. It was only half-filled of liquid. The other half was a foamy mess. Waste of money? PSSCH ... YEAH!
To the guy talking about ROTC, these students have "manned up" more than you ever could. Yes, even the girls. Let them complain, I don't hear you complaining when it's them serving our country instead of you.
Eagle Rants are full of cowards that are too scared to express themselves in real life. Man up! You hide behind this veil of secrecy and I would tell you this in person but I don't know who you are. I'm not scared to let people know how I feel. -Thomas Williams
I met this really hot guy named Glenn at the Tavern when I was doing homework. We hit it off but when he got in line he bought chicken tenders. Do you know what they do to those chickens?! Relationship over you animal killer!
Sometimes I pick my nose and eat it. Is it wrong? I don't think so but everyone else does. As a result I feel ashamed. Can't I just pick and eat in peace?
Dear Editor Charlie, I think you are very cute. We had a class together in SIS last spring and I should have asked you out. Are you single right now? Maybe next time I see you on campus I won't be so shy. EDITOR'S NOTE: I am very single!
I am feeling the love towards the athletes, ROTC, roommates and greek organizations ... I love heated debate, it seems to be the only thing to do on this campus ... hehehe.
I hate living in a triple. There are always bras and dirty underwear on the floor and one of my roommates always smacks her mouth when she chews SO LOUD!!!!!!!!
To my roommate: WHY ARE YOU SO AWKWARD?????
Why are there so many gay men on this campus and so few lesbians? I'm not a fan of this situation.
To the boy who rides the tricycle: I am afraid of being rude if I just asked you why you ride a tricycle. Plus, how do I know that YOU actually submitted that Eagle Rant? I wouldn't want to offend you if you didn't.
I act like a douchebag to everyone because I have no real people skills.
