Just forget it. That doctor's appointment next week? Cancel it. Dinner at the Smiths' house? Absolutely not. Vacation at the beach this summer? Please, don't make me laugh. Cancel it. What's the point? It's all over, isn't it? I mean, that's what I've been told. Everywhere I turn, we're all doomed. I'm surrounded by Chicken Littles and the sky really is falling, or melting anyway.
But how were we supposed to know that the ice caps were so important? I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Remember that nagging, judgmental pain in the back of your head? The one you get every time you turn the heat on? Or, how about the fury you felt when they decided to drill for oil in Alaska's wildlife reserve? Better yet, the blind rage you feel as George Bush blunders our country into oblivion with his careless and thoughtless environmental policies. How could he - how could they, those fat cats in Washington, not recognize the damage they have caused? In fact, how dare they send us to war over oil? Haven't we done enough already?
Well, the answer to that question really depends on what you mean by "we." Do you mean "we" as in the mystical and all-powerful giant blood-thirsty, callous corporations? Or how about "we" as in those fat cats in Washington I mentioned previously? Or how about "we" as in, well, us. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, you want to blame someone for our war in Iraq, blame "we." Global warming? That's a "we," too. The Exxon Valdez incident? "We" did it.
Sad to know the truth, isn't it? It's painful to realize that the blood of drowned polar bears and sun-cooked penguins covers our hands. It's hard to swallow that it's not Exxon Mobil responsible for the impending flooding of coastal regions across the globe, so we better fess up soon.
Someone told me once that admitting we have a problem is the first step to solving it. A few years back, during the mini energy crisis when gas prices soared over the $3 mark, Exxon posted their largest quarterly profit ever. Of course this infuriated everyone. It seemed unfair that while we shelled out $50 from Tommy or Stacy's college fund to fill up our Jeep, they were literally rolling in the dough (think Daffy Duck swimming through his gold vaults). Here's a lesser-known fact - "we" kept driving! And we drove more than usual, despite heinous gas prices, scientific realizations that the world really is getting warmer and Al Gore on television telling romantic stories about his childhood on a tobacco farm.
So who's at fault, the drug dealer or the drug addict? Maybe we're both terrible. We live in a country surrounded by people demanding that we do as they say, but never as they do. We see that in Al Gore, who spouts environmental garble and then backs it up with an utterly ridiculous personal electrical bill. We see it in the movie stars who drive hybrid cars and then take private jets over to California.
If you want to go on spouting greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, so be it. I, personally, plan on making absolutely no changes in my oil habits. I like driving my car. I like my inefficient incandescent bulbs. I like keeping my house warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and I've come to terms with that. If you want to call me ignorant, that's fine, too, but you damn well better not do it in a Hummer.
Charlie Szold is a freshman in the School of Public Affairs and a conservative columnist for The Eagle.
