When writing every other week for The Eagle, it is hard to decide what exactly to write about. I haven't really found the right formula. At any time, there are a dozen different things I could cover. Seeing as how this will be my last column, I want to use the space provided to list some things that, with any luck, will occur in the next 12 months.
Without further ado, I hope that in the near future:
-In one of his more candid moments, President Bush will admit that the invasion of Iraq was a terrible, horribly executed idea. He will go on further to explain that in terms of human life, money and America's standing in the world, the invasion and occupation of Iraq is indefensible. The president will then call for a complete withdrawal of American forces. All while Dick Cheney is standing behind the president, nodding his head in approval.
-Voters will avoid the Republican and Democratic parties and instead throw their support behind a third party, resulting in beautiful political chaos.
-Rush Limbaugh will make a racially insensitive or sexist comment and will be fired from his radio program.
-People born after 1945 will start making painful sacrifices involving Social Security and Medicare in the interest of those born after 1975.
-A high-profile male professional athlete will come out of the closet and proudly proclaim his homosexuality, thus, becoming the Jackie Robinson for the GLBTA community around the world.
-Marijuana will be decriminalized.
-Mandatory drug tests at the workplace will also determine whether someone has drank alcohol in the last 30 days.
-All fast-food chains will start offering hamburgers that have whole-wheat buns, spinach and other optional vegetables. They will also put veggie burgers on the menu.
-Paris Hilton will declare bankruptcy.
And, on a more local level:
-American University will forsake the inevitable and decide to not raise tuition for at least one year.
-The AU Student Government will not take itself so seriously (or even do everyone a favor by supporting its own dissolution).
-American University will adopt "green" as its third school color.
-The sociology course White Privilege and Social Justice will be included in the General Education required curriculum.
-Tuition breaks will be extended to service employees of American University (including Aramark employees.)
-The American University Library will do away with its desk chairs and purchase new ones that do not cause chronic lower back pain.
-Frisbee golf will be offered as a course for credit.
-I will never be contacted by any sort of alumni association asking for donations.
Probably none of my predictions will come to pass, but it felt good writing them down. The process of writing this column was an exercise in doing something I've wanted to do for a long time. Now it is over and I'm glad I had such an opportunity. I need to turn my attention to the most pressing issue of the day. graduating!
Tom Noble is a senior in the
School of Public Affairs.
