Graduation is on the horizon. What am I going to do? Where am I going to be five, 10, 20 years from now? There are an endless number of vocations: social work, finance, politics, journalism, etc. All of these possibilities are fine career options and provide their own benefits and drawbacks.
At this moment, however, I would rather examine jobs that are out of my reach. These are the professions that were written off long ago when reality and genetics became wildly apparent and I was forced to address my own inadequacies. Long ago, I let go of ever being:
An athlete. Like a lot of boys my age, the first profession I ever considered was in sports. Basketball seemed like the safest bet; I won the free throw and knockout competitions at basketball camp when I was 8. Nevertheless, I aged and am now a moderate baller at best. Later on in high school, tennis also held promise. The problem was that I started playing too late and my talent never fully developed (or was insufficient to begin with.) Although I enjoy sports, it is never going to happen and I accepted that fact long ago. That was easy.
A doctor (or chemist, or biologist, or any other position in the field of science). Who doesn't want to be a doctor if they could? You get truckloads of respect and money while saving lives. Yeah, there are downsides (lawsuits, potentially killing people and attending medical school), but these are just speed bumps on the road of life. I wish to become a doctor in the same the way that I wish I could become a squirrel, or a fish: It would be cool, but come on! I have no grasp over the realm of science.
An artist. I have no ability paint or draw anything. When asked to describe my style (this has maybe happened once or twice in my life), I say that I am a nonobjective surrealist. This means that I can't draw anything resembling an object and that I seek to explain my odd color palettes as a representation of the subconscious. In other words, I am trying to mask my bullshit with a cool term. My poetry is pathetic and the only thing I can sculpt is a really cool sandcastle. I'm a horrible actor and I passionately hate thespians. They take themselves so seriously. Unlike athletes, who were forced to deal with losing, thespians are constantly showered with compliments and affection, even if none is due. Deep down, they know they are special and they are going to make it. Watch the film "Waiting for Guffman," and you will know what I'm talking about.
The only artistic area where I could possibly succeed is music, but I am way too level-headed to believe anything will ever come of that. My only hope in the music industry would be to attain the one hit wonder status, but I'll nip that one in the bud. I don't want to be the next Chumbawumba.
So I guess I can forget ever attending an Oscar party or some exotic medical conference in Geneva. I've pretty much relegated myself to normal obscurity and I'm OK with that. Fuck the paparazzi!
Tom Noble is a senior in the
School of Public Affairs.