Friday
A male student injured his penis while having a "sex spree" with his girlfriend. The male's erection lasted longer than four hours and required immediate medical attention.
A female student in McDowell Hall reported that her roommate had thrown away her I.D. card. When the student left her room to search the garbage cans on her floor, her roommate locked her out of the room. Public Safety was contacted and the student was issued a citation for stupidity.
Saturday
A male student reported that his soap was missing from his shower stall after a 45-minute shower. After the student rubbed the bar of soap over his body, it disappeared.
Graffiti was reported in Bender Library. A group of senior citizens on a field trip were drawing scenes on elevator panels of naked men and women. The seniors were barred from campus property.
Sunday
A housing and dining staff member reported harassment when a student ate lunch with her and asked for an autograph.
Professor Campbell Chicken Soup reported an odd smell from McDowell Hall. Physical Plant was called to fumigate the building and now it smells like oranges.
Monday
A female student reported harassment by Facebook. She reported being "poked" multiple times by strangers from George Washington University.
Graffiti was reported at the Kay Spiritual Center when a male student was found writing "Dwarf hates God" on an exterior wall.
Tuesday
A stuck elevator was reported in Mary Graydon Center. An individual who was visiting campus thought the golden elevators were from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and attempted to visit Willy Wonka by pressing numerous buttons at once, therefore causing the electricity in the elevator to short out.
