I heard a dirty rumor that true love waits. Maybe you are waiting for Prince Charming in his white Land Rover or you are anticipating the arrival of your conservative king to slay the liberal dragons, but with all of the intensity of Washington, many women are waiting for Mr. Tonight as opposed to Mr. Right.
However, if after a few weeks in D.C., you are still willing to wait, it is possible to stay a college virgin. This is the ammunition you need to slay the virgin-hungry dragons and finish college sexually savvy yet still a virgin.
1. Act as Monica for the evening. Putting on your knee pads and surfing the ecstasy of oral sex may be a good way to fulfill your orgasm craving while still enjoying your virginal title. Now we all know that oral sex is not the equivalent of intercourse, which keeps many college women and government interns safe from pregnancy and sometimes from additional scandal. But if you aren't going all the way, oral action may be necessary to keep your virginal virtues intact while staying sexually satisfied. While I don't recommend romancing the older man or the Hill staffer, sexual relations with that woman can be a very good thing.
2. Talk dirty. While Linda Tripp may have scared some away from discussing their dirtiest sexual fantasies, phone sex may allow you to verbalize the desires looming in your head, without the messy wet spot or STD scares. It allows you to be sexual and loud, moaning and screaming the day away, without the actual act of penetration. Warning: This method of sexual satisfaction is guaranteed to leave you waiting by the phone.
3. And while true love waits, masturbate. There is no replacement for a man or romantic intimacy, but you can masturbate while you wait for your wedding night or Mr. Oh-So-Right. It gives you the big "O" and you can still say the big "no" to sex. Whether with your vibrator of choice or caveman style, you don't need trade in your virginity to buy yourself an orgasm.
4. Add spice to the sheets. Vibrators can help pass the time, adding a little kink to the bedroom, and may leave you feeling more woozy than any drink. Flavoring the pre-sex activity can be sexier than sex itself. Added equipment like edible body paint, fuzzy handcuffs, motion lotion and other Pleasure Palace goodies can add heat to the virginal flame. Just don't be afraid to be the bad cop.
5. Do not let the lines reel you in. Those big bad seniors may be big fish in a small pond, but don't fall for the bait to get you into bed. You'd be surprised at how creative those fisherman can be when they have spotted their next catch. Make sure you are prepared for lines like "Why would you want to deny yourself pleasure?" or other favorites like "You have no idea how good it will feel." The lines may be smooth, but if you want to keep your title as virgin queen, don't bite the bait.
6. Be loud in bed. Make sure your man of the evening or man of the hour knows that sex is not on your to-do list. If you are clear and up-front about what you want, many men may not bother to try to get sex if they know it's off limits. Most men are good listeners, and they'll understand that you are waiting for the fairy tale moment.
7. Sex, whether for a minute or a marathon, is still sex. You can't grow your virginity back, or buy a new one, so repeatedly remind yourself of your virginal goals. You can fill your four years with erotic enjoyment and save the sex for grad school.
e-mail sex@theeagleonline.com
