Have you seen the Al Sharpton School of Public Affairs?
No? Well, wait a few months and you might see it. How? If he or any other donor puts up enough money, his name may grace the Ward Circle Building, home of the School of Public Affairs. According to Al Checchio, the vice president of Development, "[Ward] just so happens to be one of the few buildings on campus that may be available to be named for a gift of a certain magnitude."
Checchio also oversees the Capital Campaign, which is a $200 million fundraising campaign that seeks to improve the SIS and McKinley Buildings and complete the Katzen Arts Center and Greenberg Theatre. To date, $67 million has been raised; the campaign hopes to raise the remaining money by the end of the decade. While six years is an admittedly short amount of time, The Eagle, as well as many students, would like to see this money raised even sooner so we can also benefit from millions of dollars in donor aid.
While some may find our suggestions a bit odd, we hope that you'll find them amusing enough to get a chuckle. Enjoy!
1. The renovation of The Tavern got mixed reviews from students, so why don't we call it what it is - The Zach Morris Tavern. Heck, we could even call it the Mark-Paul Gosselaar Tavern and give the Saved By The Bell alum an honorary degree.
2. Our School of Law is currently nameless, so why don't we rename it in honor of everyone's favorite TV judge/AU alum - The Judge Judy School of Law. Picture this: The entranceway could have a stern Judy looking down on AU students entering her school's hallowed halls. Didn't do your homework? Judy has already sent a summons to the Dean's office.
3. For those of us with journalistic ambitions, we've got the Star Jones School of Communication.
4. Interested in serving the international community? We've got the Gao Zhan School of International Service. Over there, you can learn the fine art of diplomacy as well as the even finer art of spying!
5. For those of us who need help with academics, just walk on over to the Goldie Hawn Academic Support Center. Note to Ms. Hawn: We're also thinking of renaming Hughes. Interested?
6. In case we can't get the big buyers, we should also try for small investors. We can sell the rights to the TDR trays for $20 a pop. That way, when students steal them to go sledding, the sleds will have a personalized touch. Besides, how cool would it be to call home and say that you went sledding with Tony Perkins and Rick Leventhal?
7. Maybe if every undergraduate puts in $250, the student body might be able to buy the name to Ward. For seniors, if everyone puts in $1,000, the class can name the building itself. If you don't think that's a good idea, know that the University can do worse; Bender Arena was once named after Adnan Khashoggi, an indicted Saudi Arabian arms dealer.
8. Since everything from the Quad to the residence halls has a name, there is at least one remaining candidate: the Nebraska Parking Lot. Surely, some donor would like to see his or her name grace our overpriced and underused parking extravaganza.
9. Finally, The Eagle would like to know what suggestions you have for renaming our humble paper. Perhaps with a better name and better funding, we could also afford some better jokes.
