Get It Together: Dealing with ‘monthly friends’ and boyfriends
“Get It Together” is a weekly advice column published every Friday in which columnists Jalen and Grace weigh in their separate answers to readers’ questions.
Dear Jalen and Grace,
I cheated on my boyfriend, but I want to break up with him. Do I need to tell him I cheated, or is that unnecessary?
Jalen: He deserves to know. You can’t betray somebody’s trust without taking responsibility. I don’t know your relationship’s ups and downs, but that’s not fair to your boyfriend at all. You need to be honest with him and yourself. It’ll definitely suck and there is a high possibility that you’ll be called some choice words, but you have to come clean and end it.
Grace: Consider for yourself just how important the fact that you cheated is to your breakup. Depending on your situation, it might not be necessary. Think about just how open you want to be with your boyfriend and why you’re breaking up with him in the first place. If you don’t feel guilty about it, and you personally think it will just hurt him more than it needs to, then don’t tell him. But if it’s eating you up inside and you feel guilty, it will make you feel a lot better if to get it off your chest.
Hey Jalen and Grace,
If I have my period, and that is the reason I can’t hook up with a certain guy this week, should I just tell them? Or should I just give him a lame excuse that will keep him off my case for a few days? I don’t want to be TMI, but I don’t also want to seem like I am avoiding him.
Don’t Care to Overshare
J: OK, so I’m going to give you the best I got because I have never and will never been on either side of your predicament. I think you should tell him. You don’t want to look like a jerk, so I think it would just be a courtesy to let him know. We are all in college, so everyone has had a health class and knows what happens every month for women. Just let him know that you weren’t trying to avoid him, and that you had your “monthly visitor” (is that what girls say?) and he should be fine with it. If he gets grossed out or is some childish mess, keep it moving.
G: Just tell him you have your period. If you two are going to potentially hook up this weekend, I’m sure he’d be down to hook up next weekend when you don’t have your period. If you make up some other reason, he’ll think you’re avoiding him. At this age, he’ll respect your honesty rather than think it’s TMI. And if he does think it’s TMI, he’s probably too immature to be hooking up in the first place.
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