• @• Fun game/topic to discuss: What is your most important goal in life? Sum it up in one sentence. My most important goal in life is to be genuinely happy and enjoy life.
• Life goal in one sentence: My ultimate goal is to be a wonderful, nurturing, loving, mother and have a functional and happy family that is close to one another and supportive of one another and basically everything I never had growing up.
• That awkward moment when you hear gay sex for the first time. . . #Inevitable@AU
• BOO you whore!!!
• So. Much. Sexual. Tension. Can we just make out already girl?!
• Why weren't you in class today? I wanted to ask you out girl!
• Pick one of us or we're both going to hate you. -Guys You Like and keep flirting with
• When you reach out to me I just want to cry. How can you want to see me when I treated you so terribly? I miss you but I can't tell you this. None of my friends would understand since I trashed you after we broke up. I just miss the sound of your voice, but I know you'll never forgive me.
• You're so much better at sex than my girlfriend.
• I'm on a mission. I had sex almost every day with my then-girlfriend in HS. Since then my relationships at AU haven't been as sexually active. At the risk of sounding like a manwhore, I'm really looking for a girl to start hooking up with regularly. I'm not opposed to dating if she wants, that's always fun, but I seriously need sex.
• My girlfriend's vagina smells awful but I love going down on her. I feel like it's something I should want to do for her since I love her so much and want to pleasure her. How can I kindly suggest something so it doesn't smell so strong? I'm sure men can smell bad down there too, but I always clean right before. . . Help!
• so after three and a half years you just want to be FRIENDS!!! GTFO you stupid fhsdajfklsdajfkl;
• Death is hard to deal with. However, we all must stay focused and carry on. I know this will affect me for the rest of my days but I have to move on
• Does anyone know how to turn CD cover art / MP3 cover art into posters?
• DARK RANTS SHOULD ALWAYS EXIST. DARK RANTS FOREVER.
• DANG. I've never seen these rants before, but you people are nuts! I like it.
• Thank God I'm going abroad next semester and have an excuse to drink all of the alcohol that I have left over. I'm going to need it to get through these last couple of weeks.
• YOU'RE SO CUTE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
• There are two doors for a reason, you jerk. Keep to the right!
• Please don't misconstrue how I act on Facebook with disinterest. I forget half the time that chat exists.
• No matter how cute I think you are, 99% of the time I won't answer one-word responses.
• Ya'll should come to AmericanU on reddit. It's pretty dead, and I want it to be a bit more lively!
• Why does The Eagle always give the Student Union Board free advertising? There are at least 3 concerts happening this weekend! WVAU and Dime a Dozen are both doing concerts during the same evening! But The Eagle isn't doing journalism, they're just repeating SUB's advertising language verbatim.
• Original "don't want to be here for the next 4 years" ranter here. It's a situation where I always thought I would be in college and love it because I love learning, but I realized I actually don't want to sit in a classroom and do textbook problems for the next 4 years of my life. It's not specifically an AU thing, I'd feel this way anywhere, it's just not wanting college when it's always what's been my path.
• @"I’m also a Junior single lesbian who happens to be a femme. I wish I could meet a girl but I’m too socially awkward. womp womp." Ahhh the elusive AU femme has appeared! Don't be awkward/shy, I know there are plenty of girls who would love to get to know you.
• "work hard, twerk hard. laugh loud, be proud. always chug, and always hug." best rant all year
• Holy hell you can't sing. Make it stop.
• I really really like a girl on my floor but she's too good for me and I'm too much of an embarrassment in every aspect of my life to even think about the possibility of being with her.
• I'm so flipping stressed right now. It's making me want to start cutting again.
• collegiate acb is way funnier than college acb. Books that will never be read - best thread ever.
• @Carrie Underwood Ranter, you have no idea how happy it makes me that at least 1 other person at this school loves her/Country music!! :) "I ain't in Checotah anymore..."
• @spent all break fantasizing about you. . ."- I feel ya. Try talking to your crush?
• @"junior single femme lesbian" are you into other femmes or masculine girls. I think it's easier to spot butch lesbians and feminine gay males. since you're a femme you should go to QWAC or the GU/AU mixer on Friday. I'll be there! Hopefully you are too. -another socially awkward lesbian
• Holy Yahweh! I found the mini cloned version of Kevin durant at AU! Day = made
• Spotifyyyyy me Spotifyyyy me
• Rule #26 of Eaglesecure: If Eaglesecure micraculously starts working for you, don't start bragging to others about how Eaglesecure is actually working for you, or else Eaglesecure will immediately stop working for you again.
• Thank God for the free hugs outside MGC today. I might have imploded from stress induced depression without it.
• That moment where you realize you're studying abroad in about a month and you have a full blown panic attack.
• Tell me what you want. You definitely should have been running for the hills by now, and yet you're still here.
• Why must you continue to be attractive? Why must you walk past me in just a towel looking like Adonis while I'm in my baggy pajamas with bed hair? Just once I'd like to meet on equal terms. But nope, I'm going to continue to babble like an idiot whenever we chat in the hall and looking like a slob when we pass each other... *sigh* All the while you're continuously becoming better and better friends with my roommate. Blarg.
• @the terrified Lit Theory class: She asks you to treat the novel she uses as a theory in and of itself; you can't just toss some deconstruction paint and it and hope it sticks they have to be in conversation with one another. Treat the novel as a theory and you'll be fine.
• I wish the sinks despensed iced tea instead of water.
• I want a Blumpkin. Any girls down for this here at AU?
• i like you but your not single....... a man can only wait so long :(
• My roommate is a fat alcoholic, who tries really hard to go on diets but fails immensely. She is also full of herself, and needs to get some friends.
• Listening to girls talk on the shuttle bus makes me want to commit seppuku. Why is it that you sound like you swallowed and are choking on frogs? "UuuuuuuuuMy Innnnnnnnnnteeeeeeerrrrrnnnshhip is uuuuuuuuuuuuuusoooooo baaaaadd."
• They may not be doctors, but the Wellness Center is a great resource for sex education questions and have certified health educators who are super knowledgeable!
• It's 9 PM!! Where are the rants!!!! [Editor’s Note: Yesterday was very weird. Somehow I was convinced that I had already posted rants. I literally just realized as I went to do today’s rants that yesterdays weren’t up. I also had some flashes of involuntary sleep yesterday due to a week of sleep deprivation, which threw me off my game. Sorry about that.]
• To the guys right next to the entrance of MGC smoking. People like you are the reason AU wants to put a smoking ban in place. There is no need to stand right in front of the doors, and also throw it on the ground to smother it out. - I don't smoke and am opposed to the smoking ban. But seriously. You are the reason we cannot have nice things.
• *sigh* a man can dream though, a man can dream
• All the rants about 'you'll find love when you aren't looking for it' are helping me to have a little patience...BUT AT THE SAME TIME WHAT IF I NEVER FIND ANYONE AND I GROW OLD ALONE AHHHH
• I am attracted to EVERYONE today. But seriously.
• I miss sleep. And I don't think I'll get a good nights sleep until after exams probably.
• @Person who likes lovely hands. I wonder if that guy won a contest. name that reference
• and everything you do
• I still love you, and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I still want you back, and it really irks me that I do.
• Every living creature dies alone
• To the guy who thinks I have a stalker-ish crush on him because we keep randomly meeting up at places (shuttle stop, ward, megabytes, etc)... I DON'T LIKE YOU! It's just random and I really wish we could stop meeting like this because it's awkward for both of us.You have a gf and I'm not even jealous because...I DON'T LIKE YOU! ... So stop giving me looks like "Oh great, it's her!" or "Why is she always around" blah, blah, blah. Glad to get that off my chest...carry on people.
• Just tell me how you feel!!!!!
• just curious, how long does it actually take to edit and post rants? just curious. [Editor’s Note: 15-20 minutes]
• the prep for finals has begun for i am wearing a neon green headband in the library. peace out
• TALKING HAM TALKING HAM TALKING HAM....you are a talking ham
• posted 3 eagle rants for the first time. all 3 got posted. that's whatsuppp
• It would be so awesome to be an employee at AU; if you ever got fired people would protest until you got your job back...
• The awkward moment when 80% of Christians United for Israel's event is protesters who walk out...long live Gaza.
• eagle ranttssss
• I still can't believe that there was a round table completely taken up by ONE person at TDR at 6 o'clock when it was packed. Come on, big groups of friends need the space provided by the round tables, especially when it's already crowded, whereas an individual can sit at the end of one of the many long tables since they aren't socializing.
• It's the 29th and there are no 28th rants. NOT COOL
• As a psych major, I only read the Eagle Rants to diagnose the person behind each rant with some sort of disorder from the DSM IV. Currently, the most common disorder I've found is "Histrionic Personality Disorder." Google that shiznit!
• @H. No. Homestuck please leave.
• No rants tonight?
• i live on a makeshift frat sorority floor. god help me
• ERMAHGERD!
• Every time I see you part of me dies inside.
• “At a time like this that’s all you can think to say?”
• To those two talking about effing poetry on the silent floor, y'all can go EF yourselves. REAL HARD.
• #tenleyrumisdisgusting
• I'm worried that my sexual preferences are not good for my health. Does anyone know any good safe anal play instructional websites? Not porn.
• 2:30 AM on the 29th. Still no 28th rants. NOT OKAY EDITOR
• I WANNA SMANG YOU!!!!
• I still don't like you or want to be your friend.
• cuz you're like a caffeine~ You bad to me, so bad to me, oh girl you like a caffeine.
• Baby good night Jaljayo Good night Geureom nan Dancing dancing dancing in the moonlight.
• Hey Editor, you are late! -- Actually you are probably in the library studying. So I totally understand. Good job for staying productive! (or if you are asleep, I hate you.) But actually. Make sure to get some sleep people. You will be a lot better off in the long run.
• "I would not say such things if I were you!”
• He's way too short for you. It just looks awkward. Find a taller guy. Seriously.
• There so many beautiful pro-life girls on campus! They're seriously so cute. I'm a pro-life guy. I want to get to know them better!
• But really your wardrobe is wicked terrible
• NO. NO WE DON'T TALK ABOUT HOMESTUCK HERE NO
• SPA is totally the gryffindor of AU.
• Screw the IDF, so glad that most of the people at the propaganda event last night took part in that huge walkout.
• You can't move forward if you're hanging onto the past.
• I just might have to kick someone's a$$ if eaglesecure continues to piss me off.
• May I suggest an "AU Matchmaker" page a la Au Compliments to set people up if they are interested in each other?
• If I thought I could have sex with my professor for a better grade, I totally would. There's no way she'd go for it though.
• To the group of fine guys in TDR this morning for breakfast wearing suits... I would gladly do each and every one of you. ;)
• As a girl, I really want to know- how much do guys really think about sex?
• Okay so I've come to accept the mediocre looks of the female student body here at AU. With that being said, I am currently looking for a girlfriend. Looks: tolerable; personality: tolerable; Organizational ability: required; Cooking ability: required. Car on campus is preferred. All interested applicants please apply through career source. Can be done for a maximum of 5 credits per semester. Thanks.
• omg the internet is full of derp today
• People are angry at the editor for not censoring the rant where the guy told someone to kill themselves, but if the editor had simply not posted it, the guy may have just thought "oh darn; my rant is a little offensive", but with all the backlash, he now sees how hated he is and how unacceptable his way of thinking is. Public forums without censorship usually work.
• Boy you've got my heart racing.
• he said i'm his dream girl.
• WHAT DOES THE DAV PUT IN THEIR CHAI MIX BECAUSE WHENEVER I HAVE IT I FEEL HIGH AND NAUSEOUS. I KNOW YOU TROLLS ARE DOING SOMETHING.
• Did someone get us banned on the EagleSecure Network from Omegle.com I always used that site when I was bored, and someone just up and got us banned. Thanks a lot.
• Oh My Gaaaaaaah! Cuddle Puddle! GO!
• Pro tip: when we have a guest speaker in class, DON'T sit there raise your shirt up and scratch your hairy stomach with your keys. So rude and disgusting.
• @ "please stop teasing me." if this is directed towards me I am sorry. Just checking, but how am I/the subject teasing you/ are you a guy or girl
• Wtf editor, the least you can do is put up the 28th rants when you remember rather than making us wait two days for rants because it's easier for YOU to just combine them. You were the one who made the mistake. You don't get to take the easy way out
