• @Nietzsche being dead, you just made my day so much. Thank you for that. P.S. Nothing matters.
• @We will take our country back. Really? That's pretty divisive language coming from someone who seeks more acceptance. Honestly, as a dem, I'm usually intrigued by republicans. My question is "why?" Social views usually stem back to personal values. I can accept a difference of opinion there. But supply-side economics? The Laffer curve? C'mon.
• people in the group study room talking about some Dutch citizen and international law...what the freak are you going on about!? i can't tell if your project is really interesting or if my work is really boring
• TOUCH YOURSELVES EVERY DAY
• Editor, you're the freakin' bomb. Don't listen to the haters. And to whomever keeps ranting that the editor sucks, seriously, knock it off. Obviously you've never been in a position to experience this, but people's feelings get hurt by that sh*t. [Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, I don’t have feelings.]
• "I'm scared of getting loneliness induced psychosis." I'm scared for you, too, because I've been there and I know how much it hurts, feeling as if you could be saved if you could just find a single human connection but it's like you're a ghost, no one can hear you, so you send out anonymous messages online hoping that someone, anyone, will write back. so. I'm writing back. hi.
• I know, right? Humming people and whistling people... They are awful.
• Brohoof! These Eagle Rants just got 20% cooler.
• poor humming girl man
• Anyone know of any good bungees you could use for the purpose of attaching an AU ID card to your belt? My roommate loses hers daily, and I feel a bungee cord of some type would rectify this problem.
• As a marsupial expert, I am very koalafied.
• I really need to get up and print something, but I can't move because I'm listening to xm on my computer and all my favorite songs keep playing.
• So, I know I'm pretty, but I like when you say it, so please don't stop anytime soon...
• Where the aspies at?
• I eat too much fro yo these days. I guess there are worse addictions, but fro yo in the Eagle's Nest is such a temptation.
• Dear guy sitting near the computers on the second floor of the library last night, you are unbelievably gorgeous.
• I'm so sorry for whatever happens between us. I never planned for this to happen this way.
• No hot professors???
• I hate it when people say "what's good?" IT MAKES NO SENSE!! I'm always tempted to answer: puppies or cupcakes.
• To the person rating about Italy and France: you are seriouisly a tool. No one cares and its annoying. Find something better to do.
• Dear phonathon people...STOP F*CKING CALLING ME. I gave this damn school 160k in tuition and I refuse to pay another dollar so that AU can redistribute my money to random minority students via scholarships. Sincerely, an annoyed alumni.
• @beautiful/caring/strong/faithful Now we're all just curious... Come on, details :)
• Ladies of AU, how big does a guy need to be in order to be considered "big?" sometimes i push the tip of my penis inward so it matches my belly button
• @plaid shoes girl: i think that was me, thanks!! I'm glad you liked them :D
• @Tavern at 3. Sorry, Mondays are no good for me. How about next Friday (10/19) sometime between 12:30pm and 2:30? And it's all good, I never got a confirmation so I didn't show up.
• @Northern people are great, but I miss southern people....Who are you and where can I find you? I miss the south and southerners.
• I just want a boyfriend who understands my crushes on historical figures. No, I don't wish you were Alexander Hamilton, I just think he was a cutie. Get over it.
• you suck editor!
• @girl who is attracted to straight girls and girls with boyfriends - You need to stop being me, or come find me so we can be perfect and alone together.
• @ “There is a special place in hell reserved for people who don’t use eaglebucks or dining dollars when there’s a long line at Eagle’s Nest.” Um some of us are actually responsible enough to use real money and have real credit like big kids. Using eaglebucks is beyond stupid when almost every major credit gives you cash back. I get paid $200 a month to use my credit card. So have fun getting zero cash back with your eagle bucks.
• I wish this could be a happy song. But my happiness went away the moment you were gone.
• @”What if someone was about to kill themselves?” I don’t know about you, but I only have one self who could be killed. But perhaps this is why you are seeking help in the counseling center…
• I didnt ACTUALLY care or anything bro
• He wants to be Aladdin
• @ 'a cracka helpin a sister out' .............................................. really bro? Really.
• Lol don't even bother texting me back. If you're reading this and think I may be talking about you. You're right I am. Put down the flip phone tiger, you've done enough damage for one day
• I found a really good poop spot. I just thought I'd let you guys know ;)
• You made me physically sick with the amount of awkward you just created. I would congratulate you but I'm sure this is nothing out of the ordinary what with you being a straight male at AU and all
• I'd like to personally apologize for the country music in the dav.I wasnt there and I didn't make the playlist but I have a strong feeling I know who did and I definitely am the enabler in this situation so MY BAD I'm off to un-enable them now and save your ears
• Reading rants all calmly when you realize one might be about you...
• Cheers to the freakin weekend betches ;D
• @"Does anyone know of a nice place to meet attractive, smart gay men besides Town?" and @"Why can’t I find any attractive gay men on this campus? All the guys I seem to like are either straight, taken or a**holes…" Agreed. I’m on Grindr begrudgingly but haven’t actually met anyone (on campus) in person because I don’t want random sex, I’m not out, and to be honest I’m embarrassed I’m even on it. At the risk of sounding like a total douche—I consider myself intelligent, genuine, masculine, and attractive. Where are you two? -Gay Ranter
• WOW wtf white people. stfu.
• You can always make an emergency appointment at the counseling cetnter and they'll take you that same day
• @ "There is a special place in hell reserved for people who don’t use eaglebucks or dining dollars when there’s a long line at Eagle’s Nest." What? Why? You do know that only people with meal plans are given Eaglebucks and Dining Dollars, right? Are you saying that anyone without a meal plan (a large majority of upperclassmen) shouldn't go to the Eagle's Nest? Wow, you're pretty ignorant.
• @"Their earliest one was over a week away…are you kidding me?" There is an emergency counseling service for dire situations such as having suicidal thoughts. If anyone is in a situation like that they can tell their RA or Public Safety and can get help outside of normal business hours.
• "Where you're going has no signs and you're not going in a straight line you ought to have me on your mind I dare you to think otherwise"
• Where does one find good coffee besides the Dav? I like self serve stuff, but I don't like crap.
• Oh wait, the Dav has self serve, doesn't it. /moron
• Broke into Neil Kerwin's house the other night, turns out he doesn't live there. #fml
• Tuned into Kerwin's Korner Tuesday night -- Neil Kerwin wasn't on this week :(
• AU MEMES Y U NO HAVE MORE MEMES??? Seriously, I love laughing at those things, I wish there were more of them.
• Went around to the Public Safety office yesterday. Smelled like weed. Weird.
• Accidentally got a boner while I was giving a group presentation in Econ. So embarrassing......
• My roommate has strange fetish where he likes to not throw out garbage.
• I wish the girls at AU weren't so God-awfully hideous.
• I wish these frat parties had more guys that cared about my feelings.
• Did anyone else lose all their crap in the big EQB fire Tuesday night?
• Accidentally touched a girl's boob in the library, then got the crap kicked out of me by her jock boyfriend in the middle of the quad.
• TDR didn't have coffee ice cream today, I wish we hadn't outlawed gentleman's duels.
• Pocket watches need to come back
• Actually saw a kid in a pizza cat shirt today. Whatta hipster.
• Minding my own business in MGC last night when Public Safety threatened to beat me with a pipe. #fml
• I can't masturbate in SIS because THEY BUILT IT OUT OF WINDOWS????
• I wish they would pump out the library, the basement is still under two feet of water. #firstworldproblems
• Tried to order something at the Dav yesterday but I ended up staring at the barista's BOOBS for too long, and then I forgot what I wanted to order so I just walked away.
• Found a razor blade in my Subway today, what the H*LL??
• I've got a paper due at 11:59 tonite but I don't have any paper to print it on.
• I wish the water fountains still held PBR
• So, I haven't received my GI Bill and the VA won't answer the phone. Guess rent isn't getting paid for another month.
• Came home and my roommate was asleep and it was only 9PM????
• I GOT SWITCHED TO TIMELINE
• Hate it when I go to TDR and ALL THE TABLES ARE MISSING. What am I supposed to do, sit on the ground like a Buddha?
• Nobody wants to dress up as the Avengers for Halloween for me?
• Why is there blood ALL OVER the front of Ward?
• Uhhhh since when can't we smoke in the Mudbox?
• I was walking in the hallway with scissors in Ward and then I saw a cute girl that I liked and I got so nervous that I accidentally stabbed myself in the thigh oh my god #embarrassing
• I really wish there wasn't blood all over the front steps of Ward. #gross
• Is eaglesecure downloading porn to anyone else's desktop?
• MEMEGENERATOR IS DOOOOOOOOOWN
• I need to get to class but there's BLOOD all over the front of Ward.....
• I don't have a Beach House ticket :(
• Just saw a kid stab himself in the leg with some scissors........why do I go here?
• 1st floor ward men's room is #DESTROYED
• 2nd floor ward men's room is #DESTROYED
• 3rd floor ward men's room is #DESTROYED
• 1st floor ward classroom has been #DESTROYED
• WHERE'S THE KERWIN IN KERWIN KORNER?
• Why am I still a virgin #crying
• Wish I didn't have to be a slut to get a girlfriend......
• All my friends are going to CMJ but I'm not.....
• The front of Ward is GROSS. Covered in blood........
• WHY THE F*** IS WARD COVERED IN BLOOD?
• There are just a bunch of frat bros digging a hole in the middle of the quad.............ok
• Since when can't I park under Anderson?
• Blow jobs?
• Front of Ward is seriously gross.....#bloodymess
• Found a finger in my tenders. No, wait. That is my tender.
• Every time I'm in Dissident Media, I have to sit in the auditorium and watch these THREE F***ING HIPSTERS in front of me read Pitchfork!
• @"Nietzsche would like to have a word with you nihilists, but he’s dead so it doesn’t matter." Actually, Mark Twain made the quote. And it was to imply that value is subjective, not nihilistic.
• @ Kerwin's house is actually off campus. he does NOT live in that house on Northside. also his house has a waterfall in the backyard
• @There is a special place in hell: some of us are seniors/grad students who do not have meal plans and do not want to waste money on eaglebucks we never use. check yourself.
• @ So I had something really life shattering... The counseling center is severely overworked, I had a similar experience and I had to wait over a week for my intake and then another 10 days for my first appointment after that. If someone is about to kill themselves or feels like they need help right away they ALWAYS have an emergency counselor on call and you don't have to wait.
• "THE THIRD WORLD CANT DEVELOP WITHOUT CARBON" ... life cant develop without carbon #scienceatAU
• "Your search for "music piracy" AND "slut shaming" found 0 results." Wut?
• "Your search for "music piracy" AND "slut shaming" found 0 results." I call BS.
• Step 1: declare an SIS major with a Peace and Conflict Resolution Step 2: Go abroad to Africa Step 3: Gather up all the little African children you can. The more the better. Step 4: Take a picture of you and your little African children. Post to Facebook. Step 5: Get 30 people to 'like' your picture. Smile, and go home knowing you've done your job, helped Africa, and are now morally superior to everyone else at this school.
• Im not happy here, and there is no one here i can really talk to about it. I would give anything for a relaxing weekend at home
• Gained 10 pounds. gross.
• @ "Kogod. Katzen. Kerwin. #LookAtTheEvidence" This would makes complete sense in a world where Kogod and Katzen weren't Jewish. #TheLightsAreDimWithThisOne
• I wonder if Neil Kerwin goes to Starbucks and has the Barista's call him "Mr. President" just to spite them.
• I'm starting to hate myself again.
• I just farted & sneezed in the library.
• Anyone else been gaining weight since they've been here? All that jungle juice and steak & egg is adding up...
• Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
• People in the library: do not look over my shoulder at my computer. It's quite rude, and also hazardous-I may very well be watching or reading homoerotic fanworks. Oh, and if you do it anyway, I promise you that I will write homoerotic fiction about you being a laptop voyeur in the AU library. And it shall be posted on Eagle Rants in 100-word increments. So watch yourself.
• Everybody's leaving for fall break and I'm lonely! It's not even that big a deal-"fall break" is just a normal three day weekend with good marketing.
• squeeze. poop poop poop. ahh the sweet release. the malodorous satisfaction of a late night dump.
• I do not give a flying f**k if I suck your tiny dick I just want your booze kind sir...don't flatter yourself.
• to person who made lal knock-off: thank you! everyone go there!!
• I might transfer. It's not like this is a bad school, but once my sister leaves I literally won't have anyone here. I don't know why but I just can't seem to make friends.
• In my opinion, Paul Ryan did a great job in the debate! Go Romney 2012!!
• editor, could you enforce the content editing a little more? some of these rants are unnecessarily graphic :/
• Dear Editor, Please, I can't do my work until these things come up. At this rate, I'll be up until the early morn'.
• rants! where are they??
• SEASON 3 OF DOWNTON ABBEY... SO GOOD. i love this show and i wish i were lady mary, seriously.
• Our dear editor must have been partying tonight and neglected their eagle duty.
• NEIGHBORS. STOP LAUGHING. I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.
• no rants over fall break :(
• You suck editor! THIS SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO POST THIS EVERYDAY TO REMIND YOU HOW MUCH YOU SUCK!
• Why are there no rants!!!?? Wth bro!! I say we fire the eagle rants editor, and appoint a new more dedicated less busy person for the job. I volunteer as tribute
• honestly who tells on people to the RAs not cool.
• Wow, Biden was a real jackass in the debate tonight. Democrats should be seriously embarassed at how disrespectful, condescending, and immature their VP is.
