•since when is having your phone out in class a thing? surfing the web on your laptop is one thing, but the blatant cell use just seems openly disrespectful to me
•Wait, someone wrote an op-ed saying fetuses were the same as 18 year-old people?! Stop, that's funny.
•"This editor is running out of ways to 'laugh' via text. Lolz. ROFL. Haha. Yeah ..." Just stop laughing. It's not that funny [Editor's note: Rude.]
•"I'm embarassed for the virgins here. Like really, really, really, embarrassed." I'm a virgin, and thanks for worrying about this on my behalf, because I never bothered.
•Ok, If you can't find time to publish the rants each day then FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN! I don't work for the eagle, but I'm willing to take on the responsibility of posting rants each day as my sole Eagle-related responsibility. Where do I sign up? [Editor's note: Someone's a little late on the April Fools' joke.]
•I'm still a virgin because I have a phobia of getting pregnant. Even with birth control and condoms, there's still a slight chance. I'd rather have both legs chopped off than get pregnant.
•Knowing I won't have eagle rants tonight (Monday night) ttally ruins my day. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. WHY EAGLE, WHY!!! [Editor's note: Also late.]
•Did the glittery poop people ever meet up? jw
•I want to have a baby so bad. Why does fertility have to peak in th early 20s? It's like biology is telling me to do one thing and society is telling me to do another (ie don't have kids until after college and grad school and working and blah blah blah). I just want an adorable baby to love. Is that too much to ask?
•So I'm a girl in a 3 year relationship with a guy. But lately I have been having intense sex dreams about me with other girls. In my dreams I am very much enjoying sex with other girls. But in real life I have never had sex with a girl, and I enjoy sex with my boyfriend (most of the time at least). Does this mean I am gay or bi?
•Dear editor, Ruining the pattern of daily rants by going back to once a week rants will completely destroy the culture of support that has been built by daily rants, whereby people ask questions and seek support, and then the next day someone responds answering their questions and giving them support. Moving to a once a week rants format will mean it will take about a month for a person to ask a question, get a response, and then confirm that they received the response and are grateful. [Editor's note: Wow, this editor's April Fools' joke really got y'all good.]
•As someone who has been greatly helped by the daily eagle rants support network, I beg you not to destroy this crucial aspect of campus culture and to please go back to daily rants once again. I want to support others by answering their questions and concerns. And I gain much from others supporting me as well. Sometimes people can’t wait WEEKS for an answer. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS! [Editor's note: Haha, again, see above.]
•OMG I just noticed the April Fools joke. That was so cruel editor. I almost has a heart attack!!! But I'm laughing about it now. haha Dang you really got me. [Editor's note: This editor is laughing too!]
•@"I am currently dating said former OL." What the heck is "OL"? Can someone finally explain this?
•@"I'm embarassed for the virgins here. Like really, really, really, embarrassed." Well I'm embarrassed for all the sluts here. Like, really, really, really embarrassed. I hope they have fun with all their STDs and future infertility problems.
•All the virgin hating is really ignorant and annoying. Why do you care what I do with my sex life? Does the fact that I'm not having sex negatively impact your sex life? No! Actually the fact that I’m not having sex means less competition for you in terms of finding a guy to have sex with. So what gives? Why are you angry at other people for being virgins? The only explanation I can think of is that you are insecure because virgins make you look bad. But please feel free to offer another explanation for your virgin bashing…
•Are we going to have eagle rants this summer? I don't see why we can't. I mean there are classes going on in the summer and the university is up and running. And students can rant from anywhere around the world. And the editor can also post the rants from anywhere that he/she has internet connection. What will it take to have rants this summer? I practically died last summer without rants. Don’t make me go through that again! [Editor's note: That will be up to the future editor-in-chief to decide. But, remember, The Eagle staff are on summer vacation too and could use a break.]
•LDR people: I often struggle with my LDR and feelings of loneliness. Then I started watching the show Army Wives online. It may sound like a dumb suggestion, and I know the show is fiction. But seeing the emotional struggles that people go through in real life when their significant others are gone oversees really helped put things in perspective for me. I get depressed because I only get to see my bf once a month. But then I think of the military wives wh have to go many months, even years, without seeing their husbands. Anyway, hope this helps.
•OMG, you are one naughty editor. I totally fell for that April Fools joke. I felt like I was being broken up with. My stomach sank and I was like NOOOOOOOOOOO, Please don't leave me. I'll do anything! Please come back. [Editor's note: : ) ]
•To the girl who self injures and wants to tell her boyfriend- make sure you trust him COMPLETELY before you do. I told an ex that I did and he later used my secret to control and belittle me because he knew I was sensitive about it. You never know how a relationship will go so be careful.
•Any down-to-earth, chill conservatives want to talk politics with a down-to-earth, chill liberal? I'm tired of just hearing the liberal side of things...
•I'm thinking of starting an anti-bullying club here on campus because it's something I'm really passionate about and know a lot of people have experienced... would anyone join?? thoughts?
•Eagle Rants= Post Secret AU [Editor's note: Yup, that was part of the intention of Rants when they were created.]
•Do not say we are dating without the title if you don't treat me like it.
•Missed class didnt get to laugh at the biddies today :(
•you're beautiful,
•I like this whole posting rants in the morning thing (a la April 2nd). Can we please continue this trend? [Editor's note: This editor just posts Rants whenever this editor has a spare moment. No promises on timing.]
•Rants don't you ever leave me again! Or even pretend to leave me! Speaking of leaving, when will the last day of rants for the semester be? Can we have rants over the summer pretty please? If the university is still open, the rants should still be flowing. :) [Editor's note: See above.]
•I'm a little drunk on you, and high on summertime...
•"The grey in this city is too much to bear, And I believe we are meant to be seen, And not to be understood."
•I have a month left before graduation so I want to hang out with all my friends as much as possible but these damn class projects keep getting in the way of my free time. Arg.
•What is the mystery tweet about Nick Rangos, The Eagle? What's your game here? [Editor's note: Check out a print copy of The Eagle for the column on Rangos this week.]
•Aaaaand my senioritis just kicked up my symptoms by twelve notches. Excuse me as I go read every TFLN ever written.
•Yes. You do deserve them. Enjoy :). Those who speak of virginity as a virtue are imbeciles!!!!
•I've never hooked up with anyone, ever. I want to but I don't party. Advice? #Never-been-kissed-dude
•@"I'm embarassed for the virgins here. Like really, really, really, embarrassed. At least we know masterbation isn't a lost art." Apparently grammar is a lost art though.
•Wait, so the weekly rants announcement was actually an April Fools? Darn it. I knew it was too good to be true.
•Come on baby play me something, like Here Comes the Sun.
•I love your gypsy eyes.
•Hey guys, gullible isn't in the dictionary!
•I don't know what amuses me more: the fact that people were gullible enough to believe the Eagle's obvious April Fools joke, or the fact that said people were for some reason incredibly angry at the Eagle for it.
•CASA BONITA...CASA BONITA food and fun in a festive atmosphere!!!
•Live in my house, I'll be your shelter. Just pay me back with one thousand kisses. Be my lover, and I'll cover you~
•Public notice! Do not save personal files to the desktops of library computers! They will not be deleted when you logoff. The other day I logged into a computer with someones diary saved to the desktop. I deleted for them but dont be stupid people. This has happened repeatedly!
•I spotted the elusive bus pooper!
•@SI-er: I told my partner i SI the night we became "official." It's an important part of my past (and sometimes still an issue) that I wanted her to know about. She's been really supportive. I had a really bad experience telling an ex, who told me it was a "deal breaker" and that was terrible, but I knew we weren't compatible if they couldn't accept that about me.
•I wish the Occupiers would occupy me! #ButActually
•UC research project? Bad idea.
•I'm the girl who told her boyfriend that I used to SI and: I had only been dating him for about a month. I probably should have waited longer, but it worked out okay, since now we've been together for a year. I didn't love him when I told him but it didn’t change his perception of me, which is what I was most afraid of. But you know better than anyone how your boyfriend might react. It’s tough to tell someone about such a sensitive part of your past, so do what you feel is right. Good luck :)
•Come ye cool cool considerate set We'll dance together to the same minuet To the right, ever to the right Never to the left, forever to the right May our creed be never to exceed Regulated speed, no matter what the need
•I'm glad no one thought horribly of me after I drunkenly performed at the Open Mic Night at the perch. Drunken Sax Guy
•OMG, the April Fool's Eagle is cracking me up. High-larious. [Editor's note: So glad you like it!]
•Remember a few days ago, when someone ranted about someone they knew who boasted about being able to fight, and how there are a lot of people on campus who actually Do know how to fight? I wonder who irritated them with their boasting...
•@'It's called urbandictionary.com': Yeah, I could go to that kitschy website, or you could use the familiar, standard terminology instead of some slang or abbreviation because you're trying to act cute. You may think you're saving time by saying 'SI' instead of 'self-injury', but if too many people are trying to figure out what you mean, you're not saving time.
•Proof of AU's idiocy: professor Sariva Goetz is going to be let go, and five bucks says that Catholic snatches her up in a heartbeat. The DPA's shooting itself in the foot.
Rant here!
