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Wednesday, Dec. 17, 2025
The Eagle

Eagle Rants March 2

Rant here!


• PENIS!

• I have yet to see a Coservative/Republican be bullied (except for by my ConLaw professor, but that's supposed to be a joke). In my experience, republicans are abnormally respected because everyone prefers to debate people who disagree with them.

• Thank you to the kind gentleman who gave me a Banana today on the quad. I appreciated the potassium fact.

• Now I want to know who Bananaman is...

• Hughes, good for you that you love yourselves, but please calm down. It gets a little over the top. Also not all Honors students live in Hughes, I'm in Leonard.

• If a guy sexually harasses you, kick him in the nuts.

• Seeking: straight male who loves Harry Potter, board games, Nate Ruess, foreign language, & Sheldon Cooper. Just trying to see if this person exists at AU :)

• @"Do you have a rocket ship potter" PLEASE BE MY FRIEND

• @ "Ladies, why don’t you like nice guys?????????" NICE GUY SYNDROME. Just because you treat them well doesn't mean you deserve to feel victimized when women don't want to date you. That's great that you do respect women, and I'm not criticizing you for that at all, but that shouldn't justify feeling so entitled. That attitude is what's not working, sir.

• Hey you, yes sir I'm talking to you. Did you not hear me because your music is too loud? Just so you know WE'RE IN THE LIBRARY. I love Biggie too, but it's a problem when you're sitting 3 tables away, and the music from your headphones is giving me a headache.

• Eagles Rants Editor, your sarcastic responses bring me so much joy. Way to be the #1 Sassmonster

• "If you look the hippies in the eyes you will turn into a giant sunflower."

• May the odds be ever in your favor

• I lived in Hughes before it was all honors, when people like RA Jay graced the fourth floor. Believe me, it was a lot better back then.

• C- Let's find some sources. And I don't mean the online ones.

• Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

• I am a lady and I like nice guys. COME AT ME

• I've hooked up with women before just not in college. I want to try again. Who is down? (ps I am a ladayyy)

• Dear Men,  I will not date you/hook up with you if you are opposed to going down on me. A Woman

• I want to experiment with the same sex! :O [Editor’s Note: Get it girl/boy.]

• I'M A MONSTERRRR!!!

• "@@All of the girls in SOC and Marketing are really stupid. How did they get into this fine institution?”" Please don't make generalizations. May some are but not all. I study what I enjoy, sorry it's not science or polysci. I work hard and enjoy my P.Comm major. SOC FTW.

• That awkward moment when I realized I spent all night flirting with a guy from my work... To then find out he's ten years older. Dammit

• @Ocean Walker: I would cry, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.

• @Hey male COMM students: I'm a gal and I find them irresistably HAWT.

• @Weeeeee!: Back attcha, queen of LAL.

• I have yellow fever. -A straight white girl

• Wow so much SOC hate. I really don't think that SIS and SPA are all that much harder.

• It's midterms time. Surely we're far enough along in the semester that it's okay to add the randomly attractive people we make eye contact with in our classes on Facebook, right?

• @"Ladies, why don’t you like nice guys?????????": Get over yourself. Believe it or not, girls don't avoid nice guys. Take a good, long look at yourself rather than blaming an entire gender

• I only fall in love with girls in SOC and Marketing.

• @"FISHES": Actually you can use "fishes" when you are talking about different species of fish.

• @Harry Potter Hipster Boy: "My favorite is Chris Brown." That's not something you should advertise.

• Sexy biddie seeking to trade sexual favors in exchange for paper writing...

• @Photo lab LAs: Dunno about the hot LAs, but making out in a darkroom is on my bucket list. Perfect place for sexy times... minus all the chemicals.

• YOU were in the dav again on March 1st at around 7:45 wearing the same hat again and the same coat. I walked in around then and sat on the bench near the coffee table and you were on the couch reading. At one point you finally looked up and smiled at me (twice). Next time I see you, I am introducing myself. You're cute and life's short. Hope you're in the Dav when I am and our fates meet.

• It's okay b/c conservative christians = douchey

• I think there's nothing funnier than people talking about civility when talking about Gov. Brewer...the SB1070 bill lover? The one who disrespected the President...twice. Ahhh, yes, shame on the libs, Brewer is Miss Congeniality

• Did you just call peeps in the Undergrad Senate Honorable and Distinguished...is that a joke...please tell me it is....please...God AU kids are retarded

• Look Ladies, I’m not saying that you chicks are lame. I’ve seen quite a unruly ones when I’m out on a Saturday night, but let’s be honest, the dancing is lackluster at best. I can’t even find my pelvic rhythm some times, and it makes me so gosh darn angry. Again let me clarify, I’m not talking about all sheilas, but overall, it’s pretty disappointing. To all those excellent dancers, come find me at Fur this Sat. night. I’ll be wearing a candy apple red low cut V-neck (my signature club wear). This guy is down to clown.

• Your eyes are like twin moons, gorgeous and glowing. After class, I usually wait outside Ward and pretend to smoke a cigarette just so I can see you walk across the quad ever so gracefully, like a wild horse prancing through a wind-swept glade. Oh man, oh man, what’s gotten into me… I think I got the hots for Teacher.

• @"Can we please be friends without you using me?" No.

• I am tired of always having to have my friends help me with romantic-ness. I just need a certain someone to stop and just enjoy time with me and this way something can happen. We are friends, but I want to be better friends.. or more..

• @"I never thought that I’d say this, but I want meaningless sex. Now." I'm ready.

• @ "Thank you god for pretty girls in sundresses. There is a reason I love spring so much." You're welcome.

• @"stop selling carby things late at night in anderson!!!" Stop eating them.

• @"I ordered my food an hour and a half ago, and it hasn’t come yet. I haven’t eaten all day. Seriously, I really oughta stop pre-paying the damn tips.?" I ate your food.  It was delicious. I'm so sorry.

• All this talk about Brewer is making me thirsty for a nice cold beer.

• @"I’m done with the paranormal activity college writing seminar I accidently signed up for. Sorry I don’t believe in ghosts. get at me."  You signed up for a paranormal activity class and you don't believe in ghosts? Geez that was dumb.

• @"YOU. YOU ARE THE REASON I DON’T HAVE INTELLIGENT DISCUSSIONS IN THE LOUNGE. GO THE F*** AWAY." NEVER!!!

• Why Lisa, why?? Youre tearing me APART Lisa!!

• THE ROOM! WOWOWOWOW

• Why is every guy I am sexually attracted to a Republican?! Not complaining, just confused... -A hardcore liberal

• Even though we slept together that one time, I still think you are gay. But I wouldn't mind doing it again.

• Here's one I feel all the time at AU: carnivore-shaming! I wish I could just eat my bacon in TDR without feeling judged by all the vegetarians and vegans.

• I feel so lonely watching everyone hang out with all of their friends on the quad. I wish I had that.

• So paranoid that my neighbors in the berks can hear me pooping...

• I wish I could afford to stay in DC for the summer with my friends. Not all of us have a choice to stay and I feel like I'm missing out

• You know what bugs me? When you can obviously tell that two consecutive and similar rants were posted by the same person... [Editor’s Note: It’s been bothering me too]

• @A suggestion for the Honorable and Distinguished members of the American University Undergraduate Senate: no.

• . . .so is it possible to UN- friendzone a guy

• Dear Conservatives and associates pissed about Jan Brewer, Rumor has it that some people are planning on protesting Angela Davis.CLASSY!!!I forgot the famous phrase "two wrongs make a right".Cant wait to see how this one plays out. As always-King of the Bridge

• If i hear one more person hate on the senate I'm gonna bust a nut. - King of the Bridge

• @“I think about chicks every time I’m hooking up with my boyfriend. time to come out y/n?” Yes please.

• It's not easy being green.

• Dear AU and/or PEPCO, when you say you're knocking out the power between 2-2:30 AM between Feb 28-March 1, don't go and actually do it on March 2.  Believe it or not, the day of the month number actually changes at MIDNIGHT.

• It's the Snowpocalypse in Jordan! #studyabroadranter

• yo Editor, my futon is not dirty! check yo self

• Nope, not too much to ask at all! I want a classy guy to go out with

• @Turn The Other Cheek. That's a great verse, but you don't have to be Christian to have dignity and respect others. It's called being a good person, and we all should be held to that standard.

• Tell Constantin to call home...

• @SG students are drinking in their offices: if they were, I would probably like them all more.

• Do you remember when we went down to suburban Alexandria to get a piece of sports equipment for me? Or when we saw a concert together at George Mason and we were in the very very last row? I remember all of them. And I still miss that 4 years later.

• Honestly, I respect Occupy AU a lot more now that they've DONE something. Stand up for what you believe, fight the good fight!

• If peeing in your pants is cool consider me Miles Davis

• If you can afford an iPad, you can afford to print all of your readings. End of story.

• Not all sorority girls suck, I promise!

• Im not sure why he would flirt so much but never text, even when he says he will. Maybe thats just how he treats all girls? Still pretty uncool to lead me on like that.

• All the sororities with the letter phi in them call themselves "phis."  This is what I suggest: a fight to the death to determine who will be called the phis.  The surviving sisters win.

• You need to make a decision. Otherwise, you're leaving me stagnant and incapable of making a move in another direction. Just be clear with me. I can take it.

• I don't know about you guys, but I'm really excited about the olympic.

• I am a girl and I masturbate every day. Is that normal?

• You know the Honors Program is too competitive when you are embarrassed to tell your friends you have a 3.7 GPA because it is so low.

• that awkward moment when The Eagle has so many typos you can't even read it..

• The original Tuesday at 7 people were breaking the rules and ranting about ex's on the first date. And yes, I am one of the originals.

• Aw damn, my hermit roommate has more of a life than I do on a Friday night. :(

• What do British people call PMS? Bloody hell!


Section 202 hosts Connor Sturniolo and Gabrielle McNamee are joined by fellow Eagle staff member and phenomenal sports photographer, Josh Markowitz. Follow along as they discuss the United Football League and the benefits it provides for the world of professional football.


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