• @"Do girls here masturbate? I'm a sexually frustrated girl due to my LDR, but I would be so embarrassed if my roommate knew I used a vibrator (were I to buy one). Are there more discreet ways to masturbate?" go to Pleasure Place in Georgetown, get a waterproof vibrator and use in the shower. Bam! problem solved
• @"Why does the Eagle Rant editor get to be anonymous but a sex columnist can’t be?" KA-POW! [Editor’s Note: It’s so unfair]
• @"How do you know if you are in love?" love is when you can't imagine living your life without that person. They are in every waking thought you have and every sleeping dream you have. They are the center of your universe. Every decision you make takes them into account. You constantly think of ways to make him/her happy. And you would sacrifice parts of yourself for the other person. That is true love.
• @person making Disney quotes: I love you. Please don't stop.
• @"I want to have sex with a girl somewhere inside MGC" Try the 3rd floor (4th floor if you include TDR as a floor). No one is ever up there.
• @"I"m worried that the counseling center won’t be able to help me, and I have no back up plan." If the counseling center can't help you (or if you feel they aren't helping you in the way you would like) they can give you an outside referral to nearby therapists. I've used both nearby and on campus therapists and both have been very helpful.
• @"Nate Bronstein stole all the forks from TDR." ...and my heart! (swoon)
• Stop worrying who you will sit next to at commencement. Just sit a stranger. No AU student is going to bite you. We're all one big happy family. Why not make a new friend the day of graduation?
• @person helped by the counseling center. I am so happy for you. I was greatly helped by the counseling center too due to some PTSD issues from an event in my past that kept haunting my dreams. But now I am almost completely better, and have learned to deal with my baggage in more healthy ways. [Editor’s Note: Go counseling center!]
• when will I outgrow blacking out?? because finding out about my night from pictures on my phone and texts (those that I haven't deleted) is getting old
• @"I kind of agree with the opinion that going to grad school and then immediately starting a family, while fine, seems a bit like a waste. why not take a few years, have a career, travel, do things for you." How is going to grad school not doing things for me? Who else would I be going to grad school for? There is nothing I would want more in my life after college than to go to grad school.
• I can't stop eating. When I AM able to, I feel disgusting and fat. #firstworldproblems
• So we have gender neutral housing, but not gender neutral bathrooms? Redic. I look forward to the day when all bathrooms are single room stalls and marked with "person" instead of a gender.
• @fetish rants: My fetish is AU students ;) (Wouldn't it be creepy if I weren't an AU student...)
• What is with the ridiculous amount of sex rants on february 7?
• I love how anyone can eagle rant. I go to GW, but my bf goes to AU. He got me hooked on rants. GW doesn't have rants. major fail.
• I read the eagle rants and I'm a grad. student.
• Why doesn't AU open a medical school so that we can raise our school ranking? We have a healthy endowment. And there is a major shortage of doctors in this country. Or at least we could open a DO school.
• Dear Guy from the Gym and Dav.: You wear a tank top and look like you're full of yourself. You resemble Adam Levine, but lose the tank top and put on a shirt. You're a grown ass man. And maybe then maybe mature dudes will wanna hit on you. Until then, you'll be stuck hanging out with boys. not men.
• WTF AUSG job board. So angry I can only speak in A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S. SMH.
• I don't understand why so many people hate on AU. I love it here and it makes me second guess my happiness when everyone around me is complaining.
• It would be nice if the eagle prevented some of the rampant grammatical mistakes. What's the editing process like if they can't even keep from double printing parts of articles?
• I was kind of hoping you'd read my rant (which was obviously about you and you would know it was about you, it was so damn specific) and rant back, or say something in person. Guess not.
• @how do you know if a girl is gay?: I think we need a massive gay girl meeting. As in, Look! All the lesbians on campus in one place at one time! They do exist after all! (I hope. Still have yet to find any eligible girls. Sigh.)
• He walks among us, but he is not one of us.
• @"I’m a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits." Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit...
• Why does everyone keep licking my face??
• @"You’re my best friend. I don’t want to date you right now. But I would like to marry you someday. I hope you understand." - i wish you were him, talking to me.
• *your; it was an honest mistake...... it's definitely not the worst thing i've done
• Hey Eaglesecure, way to load 20% of my YouTube videos and then just stop, dead in the water. Seriously, I never thought I'd see the day where I'd long for the chance to sign up for Comcast.
• Please just tell me if you like me. Or have someone else do it. Whatever works!
• @Commitment issues: Welcome to the club. It's not so bad; now that you recognize the problem, you can work to overcome it. Or choose to be friendzoned and just enjoy the friendship. I personally prefer the second option, but if you seriously want to be in a relationship with this person, don't let your fears hold you back. Play some cost/benefit and decide what matters to you the most. #support
• I want a pet.
• I haven't seriously done homework in days...
• I hate to be THAT person, but I am overwhelmed by the stress I feel over finding a little. Please like me back!
• I don't think Tim McBride is cute. Bring back Nate Bronstein!
• I honestly do not like AU students. I try to spend as much time off this god-forsaken campus as I actually can. I should have gone to University of Maryland.
• If I find someone in my class attractive, and I want to stir up conversation and eventually hopefully soon lead to a hang out time, How would one go about doing that? I cannot just wait for it to fall and just happen, I like being proactive. (soph girl--->junior guy) ADVICE?
• I am tired of people telling me what to do. I am 19 years on 20 years old and I can make my own decisions whether or not my friends think they are trying to help me or not. If it ends up being a mistake, SO WHAT. That would be a mistake I would have had to made, and had to learn from. (this is probably totally so grammatically incorrect, but, yeah.) THOUGHTS? (p.s., i like when the eagle rant editor posts a little comment at the end of my rant) [Editor’s Note: oh hey hey]
• #rangosrants?
• "Live together, die alone"
• Stop copying everything we do.
• @Person who wants to talk to cute guy in class but it's random: Story of my life!!! Aah! Why can't it be easier? I just wanna be friends with some cute guys (if nothing more).
• I don't think anyone is saying education is a waste of money or that mothers shouldn't be educated. But grad school does cost quite a bit of money (and parents are usually less likely to pay for it). If your goal in life is to be a stay at home mom, you don't need a Master's Degree. You can get the same education by reading books in the field you want to study, classes at a community college, etc. Hell I'm currently taking a class at Stanford University on computer programming through iTunes U for free. Anything is possible
• Dear New RA, It is 2 am in the morning and there is a JUST DANCE PARTY GOING ON IN THE LOUNGE. Some of us have to sleep. Would it be too much for you to do your job? Sincerely, Anderson's Fourth Floor
• Straight girls: how flattered/creeped out would you be if another girl asked you out (under the assumption that you were gay/bi)? I have terrible gaydar, and I just want a date.
• Dear whomever put duct tape on the Anderson 3 elevator, I heard it get stuck. Someone may or may not have been on it. Luckily I was on the outside wondering if the doors were stronger than the tape. The tape won.
• Dear rider upset with the Equestrian Team, we feel confident that we answer all emails received. However, if we did miss your email, we apologize - mistakes do happen and we're not perfect. We're sorry to hear you've taken it personally and promise to respond promptly should you reach out to us in the future. Best, AU Equestrian
• AU emailed me, wanting me to name them as a beneficiary in my estate. But... I'm a junior. I'd make a joke about how I must be more valuable to AU dead than alive, except that tuition here is so expensive, my "estate" is probably in negative digits.
• @fetishes. I really like toned calf muscles. And being pinned down or against a wall.
• Does AU think it's acceptable to send current students e-mails about donating to the school? Don't they know we're all poor from the price of tuition? They need to stop.
• girl in my calc class with hickeys all over your neck: shut. up.
• “The first casualty of gender-neutral housing”... or this person could live off campus. It is possible for people of different genders to live together. I'm a girl and I live with three guys.
• Mmm, so watery. Yet there's a smack of ham to it!
• ???, where my sistaaz at?!?
• Wait, Hermano means brother? [Editor’s Note: Yes, in Spanish]
• What is going in the old McDonalds. It's been SO long and they still haven't announced anything.
• Learned the hard way that I should not have sex with a friend... darn...
• Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?
• I'm always down on Greek life but now I'm graduating and feel like I missed out on that part of college.
• I've tried really hard to convince myself that I have decent taste in men, but alas I can no longer deny the fact that Massholes 5 years my elder with GPAs that are approximately half of my own are not ideal suitors. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
• Can we please put Eagle rants up before 11 pm?
• To the three girls walking at approximately .1 mph side by side taking up the whole sidewalk...I hate you.
• Today is my ex boyfriend's birthday. I totally creeped on him on facebook and he looks like he's a caveman crack addict. Oh, sweet karma
• Can we go back to posting rants in the morning? k thanks
• When will these random boners during lecture end?!
• If your parents paid for your education (or a significant part of it) and want to see you graduate, I think you're obligated to go. It's the least you can do. Different story if you paid for it yourself, of course.
• The Eagle Rants aren't up yet. You guys should have your pay deducted for being so slow. [Editor’s Note: pay?]
• Chemistry joke ranter - i want to work on your leucine zipper with my zinc fingers
• jesus christ, just tell me what you want. because I know what I want, and I want you. so stop hanging me out to dry after every time we hang out.
• ALL I WANT IS SKYRIM BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE IT UNTIL AFTER FINALS.
• Jar-Jar Binks is the worst Star Wars character ever.
• Why is there graffiti in the L6S stairwell? You had to make this place more of a sh**hole?
• There was a rant with over 100 words on it on the 2/8/2012 rants. It was a good and uplifting rant and it was only 108, but still.
• I live for Mac n Cheese Wednesdays at TDR.
• Can we have Plan B vending machines like Shippensburg University does?
• My boyfriend's roommate hates me. Good thing I hate him back.
• Grandma's house for spring break is sounding pretty awesome right now.
• You know you're watching too many Korean dramas when English just sounds weird to you... and it's your native language.
• I like sex. Sex sex sex. Tralalalala.
• Kimchi~ my love, I'm so glad I have you ^^ now I can regrow any potential amputated limbs as well as fight off the ever rampant 'I-live-in-a-college-dorm'itis. My roommate only makes those faces because she does not understand the deliciousness. =) Now... where's my dokbokki?
• Someone cook the chicken in TDR! Also stop stealing the forks!
• Real Talk: Is there a scale I can use on campus? The one at the gym is broken and I think I am losing weight. Help a sister out!
• I know it's horrible, but I really want to have sex with my best friend. We just get along so well and have all this sexual tension, I just want to go for it.
• I would actually chop off a boob if it would get my neighbors to stop singing at all hours of the day. KEEP IT DOWN.
• @fetish conversation -- I once read a thread on reddit about a girl who wants to have sex in a bathtub/kiddie pool full of chocolate pudding and now I REALLY want to try that! (sugar free of course--no yeast infections plz!)
• I almost had sex in the park down the street... but then she lost interest...
• It was a dark and stormy night when Senator Smitty Werbermanjenson was to be impeached. But on his way to Ward 5, he disappeared never to be seen again. Some say he died of food poisoning on fried catfish day. He never even got to present his bill. His ghost now wanders MGC 262 in hopes to get his bill passed. He was #1.
• Can we stop calling the pepsi girl "pepsi girl" and start calling her "mark zuckerberg's little sister?"
• SIMMER DOWN NOW
• ONE LOVE
• I need a massage.
• Dear Eagle Rant Editor, you are so cool. I'm sorry these biddies hate on you sometimes. Love, Coyote [Editor’s Note: Weeeeeee!]
• Hi All, I am an honors student. I live in Hughes. I love American. That is all. Love, Happy Honors Wonk
• I don't know Nate Bronstein... This needs to be fixed.
• Trying to decide on which building to live in next year... Which one is best? -Confused
• My goal in life is trying to not to screw up... and yet I feel like I fail everyday... #feelingemo
• Washington, DC is ranked by Men's Health as the #1 city for finding eligible, single women.
• I want to staple all the things!!!
• 12:04..no rants yet...1:30..no rants...4:00..still no rants..5:50...no rants...6:10..NO RANTS [Editor’s Note: 6:30... RANTS!]
Rant here!
