• Just found my roommate spooning my dog, listening to "I don't know what love is."... WOW.
• That awkward moment when you walk into the Wellness Center to get condoms and they don't have any that are big enough.
• That even awkwarder moment when your roommate walks in just as you're opening the new foot long dildo you ordered offline...
• What happened to the ausg job board?! I need a job! :(
• How do you know if you are in love??
• I think my roommate is dating her pillowpet.
• Please don't leave me. I love you. -Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
• Morning begins with the singing of the bluebird up with the sun, rise everyone. -piglet
• You'll never know how yummy acorns are if you say " I only eat honey from a jar". -Piglet
• You're my best friend. I don't want to date you right now. But I would like to marry you someday. I hope you understand.
• Dear "my roommate is a moron", Me too... me too.
• Dear Roommate, If by showing me the eagle rant about "having sex with my roommate" you were implying you wanted to have sex with me, stop. It's never going to happen.
• Dear Roommate, Stop dead bolting the door. Haven't you realized I want your Mac Book to be stolen?
• WHY CAN'T I GET A JOB!!!!
• disembowel SG!?! oh, sorry. disassemble SG! there's a thought...
• i can slam a door shut too, just watch... See
• at least there is no limit for eagle rants, unlike the chance my roommate will find someone. Limited
• chew chew chew i'm gonna staple gun your mouth shut
• Why do I always talk to guys that live so far away from here? And yet, I don't seem capable of making a true connection with any guys here anyway... So I guess I shouldn't complain.
• why can't I use %#$@ing profanity for my eagle rant?
• I don't care about your girlfriend... I bet her address ends in dot com.... shut up
• I am sad. And kinda lonely. I mean, I have friends here that I love spending time with, but it just doesn't feel the same... I miss home.
• i'll trade you. I'll do all your work for the year but you take my roommates...
• lets be honest, if I truely were a wonk I would realize that there is no point in copyrighting a word nobody else would copyright.
• addicted to eagles rants :( #firstworldproblems
• I don't care if you are Jewish, or Muslim. We can still meet Jesus anytime
• The Eagle Rants editor needs to hurry it up or they will have a late night visitor. [Editor’s Note: I need you to stop yelling at me and calm down.]
• Has anyone seen my business cards? They say Trojan Magnum on the front.
• Why can't I get off?
• Is it bad if you can't get it up?
• I want to have sex with a girl somewhere inside MGC
• Has anyone seen my golf ball?
• You are taking too long on posting Eagle Rants you lazy bums
• I might get some serious eye-rolls and groans for saying this... but I actually like the KNOW/WONK campaign. I'll admit the money that goes into it might have better uses, but it's quirky. I like quirky.
• Sometimes I think my DNA is laced with boy repellant.
• To the Editor: Sometimes my rants get through; Sometimes my rants get cut. I don't place the blame on you; You've gotta go with your gut. -A Eagle Rants Fan [Editor’s Note: THIS.]
• @Person seeking a reading Hmm, tough question. Maybe we should agree on a meeting place, since I'm fairly sure the editor won't publish e-mails (good thing to).
• To the obviously cute guy in the gym: it is annoying enough to know that you only have looks going for you- but can you please not touch your chest after you lift? It makes you look like an even bigger douche.
• The "Lost" ranter: I love you. Buy me a cup of coffee and we can chat about the Dharma Initiative.
• @Taking oxycodone before class Solution to your problem: give me your oxy.
• Love the rants-where were they when i was in college lo these many years ago!
• Why does the Eagle Rant editor get to be anonymous but a sex columnist can't be?
• I've never been so horny or for so long in my life. I can't even stop fantasizing during lectures.
I hate it how coffee shops serve extremely hot water for tea. I shouldn't have to • wait half an hour just so I don't scald my tongue.
• Why does the Mudbox sell stick-on bindis? I feel like that's offensive...
• I hate the fact that more people here don't like country music. It has something for every feeling and phase in college.
• Aaaand I just made cookie dough. For the purposes of eating as-is, not so much for the cookies. Damn, senior year panic and depression is setting in much earlier than I had anticipated.
• today, eSuds is down and I have no clean underwear left. fml.
• So there is this girl in my class who wears disney shirts all of the time. I think she is cute
• I keep seeing pepsi girl... I want to ask her to come drink a coke with me one time...
• I'm going to be the one person that complains about TDR food ALL THE TIME.
• Yo, kids in Battelle, this is not the silent floor of the library. Please say something... anything.
• lookin' dapper
• "The first casualty of gender-neutral housing"... idiot, not unless he or she is gay and thus, could have sex with his or her roommate now. Pea brain, expand yo mind.
• Could someone please explain to me how the heck we got two new senators and I heard nothing about a special election??
• Re: "...Gay until proven straight." Although I chuckled when I read it, but I don't act like people wouldn't freak out if someone posted the opposite.
• I love reading rants from abroad! I feel like I'm back at AU every day for 5 minutes.
• "... I’m thinking of asking a guy out on a date… I’m a girl… is that weird?" Hell no
• Don't leave your Uncle T-Bag hangin'!
• One of the new roommates in my apartment is a pretty girl and now I'm afraid to poop in my own home. This is terrible.
• Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON!
• I'M A MONSTER!!!!!
• Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass!
• WHY ARE NONE OF THE SOUTHSIDE ESUDS MACHINES WORKING?!?! TODAY IS LAUNDRY DAY GODDAMNIT.
• I"m worried that the counseling center won't be able to help me, and I have no back up plan.
• I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
• I realize everyone has strong opinions on this baby @ 25 subject, but enough already. if you want to have a baby and you're happy, go for it. if you don't that's fine too. who cares what everyone else has to say. in my opinion, unless someone pays your bills every month, their opinion is irrelevant.
• living life=getting drunk at a bar?? you're kidding right?
• I think that a guy in one of my classes is really cute but I have no idea how to spark up a conversation with him. It's not that he's intimidating, its just that it would be so random!
• There is no reason to complain about the FWS situation if you don't qualify for work-study. BABYSIT! You'll make more money anyway, and there are plenty of positions that don't require a car. This especially applies to international students since babysitting is almost invariably under the table.
• I love doing homework naked.
• i'm tired of reading the "married at 25" rants! can you please stop posting several rants regarding the same topic?
• Seriously, don't ever ask me to watch your stuff again and come back an hour later.
• re:sitting alone at commencement: I literally know no one in my major. I just realized this. WHO AM I GOING TO WALK WITH?!?!
• @how do you know if a girl is gay?: as a gay girl who really doesn't look gay but tries really hard to make it known, please ask. i just want a date.
• I thought the Dav prided itself on being fair trade, the cool thing, the hipster thing where intellectuals can sip coffee...... but they've been playing Taylor Swift all morning. Ears. Bleeding.
• @The person who thinks having sex with your roommate is a casualty of gender-neutral housing: Sometimes people have sex with their same-sex roommate which has nothing to do with gender-neutral housing....
• @fetish game: I'm turned on by rainbows. And velvet.
• I'm abroad, but I feel like I'm back at AU with these daily rants SIGH
• @married by 24 if you want to be married/have children by the time you're 25, that is your choice and I respect it. However, everyone defending her needs to stop scaring the naysayers by saying that after 25 there's a much lower chance for fertility/making it sound like developmental disabilities become an inevitability; my brother was born when my mom was 36, and I was born when she was 38; she got pregnant naturally and fairly easily, and neither of us have any developmental disabilities.
• Let's jump out a window! T_T
• Seriously guys 10k a year is a drop in the bucket in terms of AU's budget. Splitting the position in 4 parts and not paying any of them wouldn't work either. That would make the running of SG even less efficient b/c the 4 heads would have to do so much extra coordinating to make sure they were on the same page. Too many chefs spoil the pot.
• I wish I had more support.
• I am miserable in law school, but there is no way out now.
• I'm so embarrassed and I can't get over it. What do I do?
• @fetish rants: I have a bubble fetish. I want to have sex in a bath full of bubbles.
• best bathroom graffiti is in ward!!!! MADE MY DaY!
• @"... I’m thinking of asking a guy out on a date… I’m a girl… is that weird?" That's not weird at all! My current girlfriend asked me out, and it's by far the best thing that's ever happened to me!
• I really....really.....REALLY hate valentines day. And it doesn't help that all of my friends love that infernal holiday
• So I posted a few days ago about not having happiness with anything I do anymore. But that's gone! I am doing much better, thanks to surprisingly enough the AU Counseling Center. If you are having thoughts about going, GO. All the sessions are FREE. I think you get up to 8 or 9? Not sure. Also from the support of certain friends. Also journaling has helped too. Ahh. Today was the day when I finally realized that I WILL be alright, and EVERYTHING in the end will sway the way you want it to because you make it that way. Progress with my happiness all the way! [Editor’s Note: Right on.]
• Every time I get close to dating you, I freak out, act like a child, and start ignoring you. I didn't think having a fear of commitment was a real thing, but I'm seeing more and more that I can't get shake the feeling that something will go horribly, horribly wrong if we date... but I'm absolutely in love with you.
• If my group doesn't get our RCC, I will destroy McDowell. We deserve that suite.
• Have to point this out: it's entirely possible that the roommates who slept together are the same gender and just gay. Same-gender housing only stops hooking up if everyone's straight.
• @Can girls ask guys out? YES! They totally can. Unless the guys is a total jerk, he'll be flattered.
• I hear that you like me.... confirmation would be nice from any valid source.... drunk or sober....
• @ BDSM kitchen fetish--I'm a guy and my fetish is that I would like a woman to peg me.
• Whoever made the Sh*t AU Students say left out complaints over Eagle Secure and the Metro System. SHAME!
• I'm used to being single for Valentine's Day and all, but this year it just seems even more annoying for some reason. Eagle Ranters, will you all be my valentine?
• omg the feb. 6 rants were freaking amazing. There should be an award for how great they were!!
• Please make a sequel to sh*t AU students say. PLEASE!
• @grad school for "just a mom": I wasn't the original poster but I plan on going to grad school and then immediately becoming a stay at home mom as well. I plan on going to grad school for psychology. I am going not only because I enjoy learning about psychology and want to learn more, but also because psychology knowledge will make me a better mother.
• I'm so sad and lonely and anxious that I have started talking to myself. At first it was just when I was alone, but now I have started doing it in public. #scared.
• @why grad school for just a mom: I don't view grad school as a vocational training ground. I view it as a mentally enlightening life experience that everyone should be lucky enough to get. I do not at all consider it a waste of money. Expensive cars and clothes I consider a waste of money. I guess we all have different priorities in life.
• @graduation issues: Graduation is just a ceremony. Not going to graduation does not in any way devalue your degree or make you a bad person. A significant minority of people do not go to graduation because a) it costs money to rent the garb b) it takes forever to go to all the practices and the actual ceremony and c) there are much better things you could spend your time doing.
• That awkward moment when really ugly guys talk about how they wouldn't sleep with a biddie. As if you had a chance!
• @girl asking why a mother would want to grad school if she doesn't plan on working: Higher education makes people parents, better citizens, and better people overall. And maybe she wants security in case she ever does need to work and she is too busy raising kids to go back to school to get a graduate degree.
• So I got cold called in law school and totally blew it. Crying in class = not cool. :(
• @"the person who responded to my “sitting alone at commencement rant” Not going is not an option when my parents pay over $50,000 and are flying to see me graduate." It's not too late to cancel flights. It's only February. Tell them you appreciate their willingness to fly out and see you, but they really don't need to spend the money because you just aren't up for the whole show that is the graduation ceremony. Tell them you are saving them lots of money.
• @fetish ranter: my fetish is sex in public places ;)
• I feel like all my coping systems are breaking down.
• @"Seems like a waste of money to me if your highest goal is to mother 6 kids": I am not seeing your logic. Please explain. Why would you imply that mothers should not be educated? And I don't view education as a waste of money.
• @"that awkward moment when you get arrested over break and now you’re afraid the school will find out and take away you’re scholarship" How did you get a scholarship in the first place without knowing the difference between your and you're?
• Nate Bronstein stole all the forks from TDR.
• Why does TDR suck?
• I just want to sleep
• Just heard about a very single Anderson Hall President via eagle rants. Mr. President, I offered before but once again, I'd love to be your Monica LeWONKsky ;)
• @"Is anyone going to see that Shel Silverstein show that AU Players is putting on?! It sounds hilarious!" I'll be there! It does sound hilarious!
• Oh my god. If you're going to talk to your friends in an abnormally loud voice and laugh obnoxiously every minute THEN LEAVE THE FUCKING LIBRARY.
• I kind of agree with the opinion that going to grad school and then immediately starting a family, while fine, seems a bit like a waste. why not take a few years, have a career, travel, do things for you.
• lol au sux
• So an engineering student told me it is better to push the automatic door button rather than manually force them open as it damages the electronic system. Could this be true?
• To the guy who's been ranting in the desperate hope that suddenly he will find out whether or not the girl he's crushing on is available and, if so, whether or not he has a chance with her, I have some advice. Ask her out. I'm serious. Nothing will make you instantly more attractive and even if the answer is no, she should be flattered. If it doesn't, she's not all you thought she was.
• Dear sir, we do not care about your personal opinions on religion or the burqa. You should stop bringing them up.
• this guy i'm sitting next to a phonathon is one sexy catt!
• Grow up. This is all so stupid. Remember what's important and just start being a good person.
Rant here!
