Rant here!
• @In shape gym participant: how do you want "out of shape" JFC users to get in shape if they can't use the gym? Why don't you spend less time being ignorant and let others use the gym without your negative judgement. Because the truly disgusting people are people like you.
• I wanna marry whoever it was that made the reference to Monty Python's "Funniest Joke in the World" sketch.
• Don't worry, I'm a girl afraid of commitment too. I bail as soon as 'relationship' comes up. I just want to screw around (figuratively, not literally :PP). I guess I'm disillusioned with the concept of marriage as well; everyone seems so unfaithful, it seems rather pointless to me.
• OK people, we'll have to talk to get this group project done. It won't hurt. I promise.
• GOD DAMN HIPPIES!!!!!!!! U make me hate my classes!!!!!
• Anyone know an inexpensive place I can get good fish and chips that there is metro/bus access to? Broke college student craving fish and chips...
• I never fake orgasms. If guys think they are doing something right and you fake it, how is it ever going to get better?
• @ 8 kids: I hate to make this continue, but large families have been shown to correlate with higher rates of deviance in the kids. (More kids means less supervision, fewer opportunities to impart good lessons, yada yada yada) -Love, a criminology major
• @"Now all we do is acknowledge each other.." This is one of the most sincere rants I have heard in a while. You sound like a good person and I hope all turns out well.
• Dear AUTO, we were sitting on Constitution in a improperly functioning van for two hours. TWO. HOURS. Wouldn't it have been just great if we were in a bad part of town as it got dark? Please get a contingency plan for this kind of thing, as it was wonking ridiculous.
• thank you for the dinner offer, if you can find me, feel free :)
• I really want to not see you everywhere, because it makes me want to have sex with you again...even though you never text back...dick.
• I'm thin but broad shouldered I don't have a pretty face. I feel like people judge me because of my looks even though I have no control over them. I wear makeup, but that doesn't do much good. Just because I'm not beautiful doesn't mean I'm a terrible person :/
• I never really did like you, and the rest of the "group" doesn't either. I think they're actually jealous that I finally got away....oh if you only knew the things they say about you. Have a good life, I know i will!
• You guys had a typo on the wonking front page. I don't know who's job this is, but they are obviously terrible at it.
• the people who work at Salsa are so rude. they walk around like they own the place. I saw one worker steal like 10 bottled sodas from the fridge. They need some super vision and training ASAP
• Suffering from travel withdrawal. Symptoms include eating my feelings with ethnic food and pouring over the EF College Break site instead of studying. There will be a bank-robbing event to raise money for a cure.
• In case anyone I was sitting with in the hall before class reads these, Gus Gus from Cinderella's real name is Octavius, so uh... yeah.
• question for the girls out there: i'm most comfortable sleeping in just a t shirt and underwear. is this weird/if you were my roommate would you be uncomfortable?
• I'm the one who posted the Tupac quote from the 21st. I copied it during the McDowell fire-alarm and didn't proofread. Sorry about all the typos...
• You've got every right to a beautiful life. Come on! Who says? Who says you're not perfect? Who says you're not worth it? Who says you're the only one that's hurting? Trust me, that's the price of beauty. Who says you're not pretty? Who says you're not beautiful? Who says?
• When is the next KPU Event? I hope we get a good 2012 political analysis panel!!
• I'm not gonna write you a love song, cause you asked for it, you see. #concert
• I regret getting a Founders Day ticket. None of my friends got tickets and now I'm afraid its going to suck
• @ Everyone saying "girls should not put themselves in dangerous, alcohol-induced positions of vulnerability if they don't want to be raped", I have 3 things to say. 1. Only approximately half of sexual assault cases occur after consuming alcohol 2. Any time any person says "No", to sexual advances, regardless of alcohol consumption of either party, no sexual advances should continue 3rd to follow…
• 3. Sexual assault is NEVER the victims fault. Period. Any ranters who disagree because this in some way infringes upon women’s autonomy or ability to make decisions, I urge you to reconsider (and to remember that women aren’t the only victims). Being assaulted isn’t a decision. If you say no, it means no. If you say yes drunk, it means no. If you’re unconscious, it means no. I’m not advocating irresponsible behavior, but rape is a crime. If you were kidnapped, robbed, beaten or killed while intoxicated, it would be the perpetrators fault, just as it is the rapists.
• @ Tupac ranter: lovelovelovelovelove, I've been thinking this for days
• Is Conor Shapiro a public figure?????
• I haven't hooked up with someone since I've been at AU but I really want to. Come on boys
• I was raped when I was sixteen. I was at a party and had been drinking, but not heavily or dangerously. I was not unconscious. Alcohol was not disturbing my decision-making process. I had attended the party with friends. I knew everyone. But that didn’t prevent it. I don’t understand how people can say alcohol is to blame. Regardless of the alcohol, here are the facts. He was big, strong, and morally abject. I was small, weak, and ashamed. If you can find a way I could have gotten out of that situation sober, let me know. Otherwise, shut up.
• worst part of running linux: eaglesecure has never worked for two of my friends on their computers running linux and OIT has little to no knowledge on linux
• The best part of Eagle Rants is the Editor's Notes. [Editor’s Note: Ayo]
• I'm sooo sleepy all the time
• happy birthday to me!
• @whoever thinks he/she saw Peter Parker, I get that a lot. Probably was me. =)
• You were the only person who bothered taking care of me last semester. I hope to repay the favour this semester.
• I'm assuming that was sarcasm. Everyone I know wants to punch Conor Shapiro in the face for coming across as an egotistical blowhard in all of his columns.
• @Dear ex-boyfriend: The problem isn't AU boys sweetie--it's you. There are assholes everywhere and you made a habit of dating them. There are plenty of nice guys at AU. You probably just friend zoned them all and went after the wrong guys.
• @Eagle Secure deleting part of yesterdays rants: I thought I was being censored and was about to rant against you -_- Guess I"ll cut you a break then :P
• About that time a member of the wrestling team posed half naked on a photography website
• You don't know what real women do! REAL WOMEN SACRIFICE! NOW SMILE ABOUT THAT!
• to the ladies on my floor who decided to participate in a certain frats pledge "task" last night: my respect for you just dropped like a rock.
• dear girl at mcdowell front desk who wears the red hat. you make my day everyday bcus youre so nice.
• Everyone posting about small boobs being just as nice, stop deluding yourself. Sure, maybe a small pair of breasts are fine, but the girl has to have like a body of 8.5 - 9.3 to make it acceptable. Submitted by the voice of the cold hard truth.
• Anyone else wonder why a dime of their tuition goes toward a counseling center? I say to hell with these people. The majority of this campus resides in upper income households and should have settled their mental problems prior to college, o wait they are probably already on five types of prescriptions. I mean by God, you could be a child soldier somewhere. Think for just one minute and stop being selfish.
• People angry about condoms... Really are we not just a little jealous we are not getting some? Bahahaha
• Loving all the Arrested Development quotes. Actually LOLed at the editor's note. STEVE HOLT!
• No one ever made the comment that women should be raped if they get drunk. The argument was that when you drink you put yourself in a state where you are more likely to be taken advantage of due to lower inhibitions. Now whine all you want but actions precede consequences including being raped. Not arguing that the individual who rapes should not be to blame, but it took the actions of both to get to this point.
• @tuesday, i got your message too late! let's try again tomorrow, same time. otherwise, thursday. deal?
• I would definitely take part in an Eagle date lab.
• To played their violin in the ampitheater last night aroun 1 am... thank you for the lulaby : )
• 1:15 AM is an inappropriate time to practice the violin in your dorm room. Consider a Katzen rehearsal room...
• Whoever is playing the violin outside at 1AM...keep it up! Its calming me down as I get to bed!!
• i'm not actually into guys, but i want to get drunk and make-out with him again. is that weird?
• Conor Siegel is so cute :)
• @can some WOMAN...: I would guess that it's due to a combination of the sexualization of breasts vs factors like height or complexion as well as the historical trend of marginalizing women...
• @nice, non-douche guy: do you want an award or something?
• @RCCs ARE ANTI-WOMEN: I'm guessing your RCC didn't get a suite? Thankfully, ours did! #notevensorry
• I don't know what people are talking about but Sigma Chi pledges are looking pretty hot!
• So, Ranters, I have a question. Last year I had pretty much the classic college spring break: A trip somewhere warm with friends where I was lightly buzzed for about 3 days straight and spent every day and night pool/beach side. Oh, and I did it for near-free. But this year I'm pretty much limited to the tri-state area, and I'm looking for ways to recreate that break. Any suggestions from locals or people who have been stuck in the district for spring break before? -Girl Just Wanna Have Fun
• You're sweeter, stronger, decenter and spunkier than tea. O Whiskey you're my darling, drunk or sober [Editor’s Note: Whisky you’re the devil, you’re leadin me astray. Over hills and mountains, until I’m very gay. (I sing this in the hot tub with my older brother a lot)]
• I hate this school.
• Every year my parents suggest I give up swearing for Lent. Every year I respond the same way. Why don't they learn?
• I don't think I realized how political I am until my conservative relatives came to town and was banned from discussing politics for a weekend. Especially when going to the American History museum and hearing them sing the praises of Bush.
• Oh right, cause you're the big marriage expert! Oh that's right, I forgot, YOUR WIFE IS DEAD.
• A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order...
• There were zwei peanuts, walking down the straße, und one was ‘assaulted’... Peanut
• I saw a very skinny girl with a bottle of maple syrup in her Vera bag. Please tell me you're not doing the maple syrup diet. It doesn't work! Good diet, exercise and smiling are the best way to be healthy!
• @"They were Spanish..." I'm actually in CAS sooo
• @"To all of the out of shape, sick, and disgustingly unhygienic" that's very harsh to say that all of us people who are out of shape at gym are unhygenic. Honestly, I'm pretty sure it's those meathead guys that frequent the gym who lift weights and never wipe down the machines. Seriously dudes. JUST DO IT.
• @"To all of the out of shape, sick, and disgustingly unhygienic" Also, you're basically telling me that because I'm out of shape I shouldn't bother to go to the gym everyday like I do because I want to get in shape? Seriously? Do you realize that this kind of hate is what brings about hate about our own bodies, eating disorders and obesity?
• I just searched Fall Out Boy on the Eagle's website and all the articles made me miss my middle school/ early high school years.
• As a girl, I wish it was acceptable to have lots of sex with lots of people. Sex is so fun!!!
• ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHO GOT RA POSITIONS FOR NEXT YEAR.
• GOOOOOOOOOBY!!
• Shout out to my future roommate, aka the Editor!!!
• There ain't no hummous like Jordanian hummous. #studyabroadranter
• As a grammar nazi, I am saddened by the amount of people who confused the plural and singular of "women/woman" and apparently forgot the rules of possession while attempting to make a point.
• dear salsa, I'm sorry, but we have to break up. It's not me, it's you. It takes you a good 10 minutes to make my food, and then when I eat it, it's stringy and cold and gross. I know we had a good thing for a while, but I just don't feel it anymore. I'm going to be taking my dining dollars to tavern.
• @Confession: I have always wanted to have sex in the back stairwell of the library.I work at the library, and trust me, staff uses that stairwell every day. Don't think it's deserted just because it's the fire exit- I use it at least two or three times a shift.
• finding out the old eagles rants editor was the editor in chief of the eagle kind of ruined my impression of the eagle rants editor. [Editor’s Note: Sorry boutchya]
• Why are there so many damn "@" rants? Be original and stop clogging up the rants with paragraph responses! #RealRants
• I taste blood every time I think of summer; if that's true, I'm in for quite a treat.
• I will never cease to be shocked to hear a bro speaking/acting professionally. Oh the cognitive dissonance.
• I feel like his penis is too small to be making fun of. I feel so bad, I'm sure it has been quite a hindrance on his life. Although you have been quite a dick to me (ironic?) I will take the high road and not giggle at your lil' guy. I'm such a good person.
• eh, the rants aren't up yet so I guess I'll write another one. I have 3 essays due on Friday. There.
• "Gingers are sexy" True.
• Whenever I get an A- I become so depressed that I almost cry. Then I hate myself for being so wimpy and obsessive. I need to get a thicker skin.
• I had a dream about walking into my room and finding that it smelled like cheese. This was an unpleasant experience, but in retrospect, I think it's cool that people can smell things in dreams. Never knew that was possible.
• dear guy who left his used condom in the clark hall girl's bathroom, you might want to get yourself checked out. semen isn't supposed to look ilke that. love, a concerned citizen
• My photography professor just completely butchered my work. Photography is one of the few things I'm good at. FML.
• @[Editor’s Note: They’ll be up eventually. In the meantime, might I recommend the rest of the internet] HA HA HA. I like the new editor, (s)he's sassy.
• RON PAUL, RON PAUL, RON PAUL... ...r3VOLution
• How YOU doin'?
• Why do you have to be so kind? Why do you have to be so interesting? Why do you have to be so intelligent? Why do you have to like the same things I do? Why do you have to be so attractive? WHY DO I HAVE TO LIKE YOU?!? Seriously, it's driving me crazy. Every time I forget you, you text me or we run into each other and then I'm lost again! Just stop being exactly what I'm looking for.
• POST RANTS NOW! It's 6:30! [Editor’s Note: How’d that work out?]
• Who is Tim McBride? Love, confused alum [Editor’s Note: Current AUSG president/ Eagle Rants celebrity]
• NGL, I really like the Class of 2012 Senior Gift.
• The past two mornings I've woken up in a panic because I started drowning in a dream. Does anyone know if there are things you can do or not do that cause nightmares? I heard somewhere that eating too soon before sleeping can. Anything else you ranters have heard?
• 6:45. POST THE FRICKING RANTS
• Original C+ boob ranter here. I am throwing a party this weekend. C+ cups required. No fat chicks.
• @”ARE YOU SERIOUS. a woman who is raped is raped because she is in THE PRESENCE OF A RAPIST. If I drink until I pass out with a normal man, I will not be raped. If I drink until I pass out with a rapist, I will be raped. Notice the variable there?” Wow seriously? There is no such thing as “rapists” and “non-rapists”. ANYONE can commit or receive date rape if they are too drunk to know what they are doing or drunk enough to lower their inhibitions enough so as to not no longer understand social cues.
• I can't take this guessing anymore. JUST TELL ME!
• Honey, the world is not that black and white. There are not clear cut rapists and non-rapists. If you get drunk around young guys you are putting yourself at risk of getting raped.
• Yes, it would be nice if we lived in a world where there was no crime ever. But we don’t. Don’t be an idiot. You don’t have a “right to get drunk”. If you don’t want to be a victim of a crime, then lock your dorm room doors, don’t leave your laptops unattended at the library, and don’t get drunk and go back to a guy’s room if you don’t want to have sex.
• YES hahaha kudos to the person who made the Eagle Rants parody of the Chili's commercial! It was wonderful! :)
• I think we should talk more often. I think we'd get along pretty well. And you're fascinating. :) [Editor’s Note: I agree, rant back at me]
• If it makes any of the people who care about such things feel better, I wear c cups and no one ever pays attention to me either. I'm in good shape, no acne, etc, but I guess AU guys tend to have higher standards.
• ughhh eagle rants. im at work and all i want to do is read rants.
• ALL I WANT IS A SIGNIFICANT OTHER. PLEASE.
• STOP TURNING THE BERKS INTO A COCKROACH-INFESTED FRAT HOUSE! I live here too, and I deserve to have a quiet place to sleep, and a clean place to live.
• Y U NO GIVE RANTS YET?
• @everyone giving me advice about my eating disorder: Thank you so much. You guys are great. I made an appointment at the counseling center and plan on getting better. Thanks for believing in me. [Editor’s Note: I’m so glad to hear this. We still believe in you!]
• I can't take the anxiety of my mother constantly criticizing me and putting me down and never actually trying to get to know me. Why can't I just have a mom who loves me? Is that too much to ask?
• So my boyfriend's little brother just got engaged. He and his girlfriend have been together for 4 months. My bf and I have been together for 4 years. W-T-F! Where is my damn ring!
• an unhappy eagle rant enthusiast. WHERE ARE TODAY'S EAGLE RANTS [Editor’s Note: hint: you’re currently reading them]
• The previous eagle rant editor promised to post rants by 5 :(
• Dominos Girl-"Is that really your name?!" Me- "Yes, like the state, like the cold." Dominos Girl- "That is totally fake." Me- "Yep, you caught me. I would totally make up a ridiculous name like that. Thanks."
• Hey cute girl in the red sweat shirt sitting across from me in the library with the funny glasses watching The Devil Wears Prada... You are Pretty! Love, Me
• Hey cute girl in the library wearing purple headphones and listening to "Rhythm is a Dancer," you're cute. Let's cuddle tonight.
• Why hello there security camera in the first floor of the library. I wish I had known you were there when my friend and I started grabbing our boobs and pretending to be a girl from our floor. Whoever checks that film is in for a wonderful surprise. Have fun boys ;)
• ITS 8 OCLOCK. I NEED MY RANTS.
• Anyone else watch the GOP debates just for kicks and giggles?
