If you’ve ever watched a heteronormative sex scene in a mainstream movie or TV show, you know the deal. After the couple shares a few passionate kisses for a minute or so, they move right into the main act — and then, as the woman is overcome with the pleasure of immediate penetration, they both have simultaneous orgasms after about 30 seconds.
If that describes your own sex life, more power to you. For most of us, however, it couldn’t be further from reality.
Patience is a virtue
According to “I Heart Female Orgasm,” a sex resource that describes itself as “an extraordinary orgasm guide,” the average female-bodied person needs about 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. And that’s just an average, which means that half of women can take longer, up to 30 or even 40 minutes. Clearly, those individuals need more than just a few kisses and some quick thrusts to achieve the steamy sexual experiences they deserve.
Foreplay may not make the cut for TV sex scenes, but it can play a hugely important role in real world sex lives.
Foreplaying around
A female senior in the Kogod School of Business told me she “loves” foreplay. She described her favorite moves as “fingering forever and lots of nipple stimulation, with a touch of anal finger-play.”
“Basically, I like foreplay until I am very stimulated and could possibly orgasm if it kept going,” she explained. “This ensures that I’m lubed up, although I’m not against artificial lube.”
Her boyfriend (not an AU student) told me he estimates that their foreplay usually lasts about 20 minutes. Although he enjoys foreplay, he said the physical stimulation is more focused on his female partner.
A female senior in the CAS said that foreplay should be “the main event” in sexual encounters. “If my partner isn’t going to be able to last long enough during intercourse to get me off, then he should spend a lot of time on foreplay so that I can come too,” she explained.
When asked about her favorite types of foreplay, she said, “I like lots and lots of kissing — starting out first with just lips and a little tongue, and more tongue as you get more turned on. Guys, tonsil hockey is only fun once I’m horny! Later, I like oral sex and fingering at the same time.”
Foreplay in all shapes and sizes
It’s important to remember that foreplay varies from person to person and it’s important to check in with your partner every step of the way.
“Personally, I don’t like when guys kiss, lick or suck my nipples,” the CAS ’11 female said. “I would so much more prefer your hands there instead! Ask me before you try anything like that, or you’re just going to turn me off.”
Foreplay can also be emotional as well as physical.
“Having my boyfriend’s hand on me and in me during foreplay adds a different level of intimacy,” the Kogod ’11 female explained. “It helps get me that much more excited for the real thing.”
The CAS ’11 female agreed. “I really need emotional foreplay. I need to have the sense that my partner really cares about me, my feelings and my pleasure before we have sex.”
Who wants to have sex like the movies if the movies don’t include any foreplay? Use it as an opportunity to find out what really turns your partner on, and don’t be afraid to tell your partner what gets you going too. Talk to each other along the way so that when you eventually get to the main event, it’s hotter than ever.
As always, e-mail us with questions, concerns, sexual fantasies or ideas for future columns!
sexwonks@theeagleonline.com
