Chris Rock once said, “A man is basically as faithful as his options.” Like many of his jokes, he’s kind of kidding. But he’s kind of serious too. The evidence of men with fidelity issues could overflow magazine racks across the world. In fact, it does.
Few men are immune to the seduction of an enticing rendezvous. However, men aren’t alone. I know women whose insatiable lust precludes them entering a committed relationship. Yet, regardless of both sexes inclination to explore multiple options, a successful relationship is generally defined by strict dedication to monogamy. Any indiscretion demonstrates a flaw in the couple or the individual, with both sides pointing fingers at the other.
Take your typical college couple. Been dating four months, both are in Greek life or friends with those who are. Both have practically unlimited options and temptations (fishing with dynamite, as I like to say). The rigors of school combined with their obligations to Student Government or what have you creates a cleavage in the relationship. The boy has a midterm approaching and can’t party the night before. His girlfriend finished hers and is looking to celebrate. The girl goes out, meets an attractive guy and they hook up.
What’s the verdict in the eyes of the people? She cheated.
Cheated. Such a scathing indictment. And how does her boyfriend react — by decrying her action and asking, “How could you do this to me?”
What did her hookup have to do with him? Nothing. Isn’t it selfish to even ask that question? Her body doesn’t belong to him. Instead of stifling her sexuality, she expressed it, however now she’ll wear a scarlet letter throughout the Greek community.
For starters, communication in relationships is essential. If in fact, the couple explicitly discussed and agreed upon monogamy, the girl is in the wrong. But too often the default assumption is as soon as a relationship is established, both parties relinquish their autonomy to act on ordinary desires.
I’m not just talking about sex. Many couples view flirting as cheating. Over-protective folks react when their lover merely shares a hug. It’s pathetic.
As dynamic and ever-changing individuals, shouldn’t we alter the fundamental structure of relationships? It shouldn’t be wrong to make intimate connections with people, it’s normal. A relationship is too often used to stymie our opportunities and happiness. People decline events as innocent as happy hours so as not to complicate their lives. Notice the trend of guilt associated with many key relationship words.
It seems we face a dichotomy between being single or in a relationship. Can’t we be in an open relationship and explore the best of both? Isn’t that a natural tendency anyhow?
I think we can do better. Our lives are too short to spend abiding by unreasonable guidelines that inhibit who we are. The fall-out after an affair is terrible for everyone involved. I look ahead to a time where relationships can be what we want them to be, encouraging our individualism sans scarlet letters or words of ridicule.
Conor Shapiro is a graduate student in the School of International Service and a liberal columnist.
edpage@theeagleonline.com
