When it comes to your sexual partner, do numbers matter?
No, we’re not talking about inches — we mean the number of people your partner has been sexually intimate with in the past. Do you ask? And if so, does the answer affect your decision to sleep with that person?
By the numbers
“I think numbers matter,” a male junior in Kogod School of Business told me. “It can be too high after a point. Maybe 10? I mean, I’m only 20 years old, so that high of a number would probably point to a lot of sexual partners in a short amount of time.”
A male senior in the College of Arts and Sciences agreed. “We’re at the age where multiple partners isn’t uncommon. But when you get into the double digits, I think that’s when most people get kind of freaked out. If I meet you and you tell me you’ve slept with 15 dudes, I’m probably not taking you home tonight.”
A female senior in the School of International Service had an experience with a sexual partner whose number was high, and she told me it did create somewhat of an obstacle in their relationship.
“His number was around 17. When someone has been with so many partners, it’s hard to distinguish yourself as ‘special’ to them if they’re willing to do that with so many people,” she said. “You start to feel like just a number.”
A male senior in the School of Public Affairs took a slightly different stance. “In general, numbers don’t really matter to me since I am not a hugely jealous person,” he said. “I know I’m not Neil Armstrong, first to walk on the moon and plant the flag. The moon landing was no less monumental for Buzz Aldrin because he was second. No need to fret about the past.”
Putting the number in context
Some students pointed out that when it comes to numbers, it’s important to consider the broader situation.
“It’s entirely contextual,” a female senior in the School of Communication said.
A female senior in CAS echoed this sentiment. “I think it depends on a lot of factors — how old the person was when they had sex for the first time, how many sexual partners were from committed relationships, and whether the person has been tested for STIs. All of those things determine your judgment about a number.”
The SOC ‘11 female explained, “I wouldn’t care what the person’s number was, but I would be more tempted to ask him to get tested if it was a higher number. Numbers don’t matter to me as long as I know my partner is clean.”
“I don’t think numbers are a huge thing to worry about, but what is more worrisome is how you go about getting those numbers,” the SPA ‘11 male agreed. “Sex is a dangerous activity for a number of reasons.”
Getting tested and coming clean
Ultimately, asking about your partner’s number shouldn’t be an opportunity to pass judgment on someone else’s sexual history. Numbers are personal, and no one should be criticized for theirs. However, having a talk about numbers with your sexual partner is a good way to practice responsible habits in your sex life.
The conventional wisdom is that when you choose to have sex, you’re also having sex with every person your partner has been involved with in the past — and when it comes to STIs, that’s a good way to think about it. Like it or not, every additional partner represents an increase in risk for STIs.
“It’s about a willingness to share the number honestly so people can assess the risk they’re taking,” a female senior in SPA pointed out. “I talk less about the number and more about the last time my partner has been tested or the protection she used. It’s not about the number itself, it’s about knowing that we’re both healthy.”
If you’re looking for more resources on sexual health, take advantage of our campus community. Stop by the Student Health Center (McCabe Hall, first floor), the Wellness Center (the back of McCabe hall, entrance facing Nebraska Avenue and Rockwood Parkway) or the Women’s Resource Center (MGC 202a).
sexwonks@theeagleonline.com
