Maybe you and your high school girlfriend ended up going to different schools in different cities. Or maybe your boyfriend is spending a semester abroad. Maybe you graduated a year early and moved away. How do you make it work? Are long-distance relationships worth it in college?
Separation anxiety
A female senior in the School of Public Affairs did long-distance with her current boyfriend for six months while he was abroad, and has since reunited with him in D.C. A female senior in the College of Arts and Sciences is in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend who attends another college. And a male junior in SPA tried and failed at long-distance as a freshman.
All three students agree the physical distance between partners creates a huge obstacle in these types of relationships.
“It’s important to try to keep it special and make sure it doesn’t fall into a rut when you’re not together,” the CAS ’11 female said. “It can get kind of mundane to just talk on the phone.”
The SPA ’11 female agreed. “It’s hard to talk that much. You can talk about your day and what you did, but after awhile you’re struggling. And you’re so horny that you almost exclusively want to talk about sex.”
Personal touches can make all the difference when you’re missing your long distance partner. “My ex-girlfriend and I communicated by Facebook message and instant messaging, which was our downfall,” the SPA ’12 male said. “I was completely unaware that she wanted to see my face, hear my voice, read my handwriting, etc.”
Long distance lovin’
So is it possible to keep your sex life steamy when you’re miles apart?
You have to use technology in new ways, the SPA ’11 female explained. “We definitely made use of Skype, GChat and e-mail to make up for our lack of physical togetherness,” she said. “We told each other stories of what would happen in the future and we retold stories of things we had done to each other.”
“I send my boyfriend pictures of myself in lingerie,” the CAS ’11 female said. “I’m careful to never include my face in the picture — it’s always from the neck down.”
The SPA ’12 male used his laptop to make a video of a sexual encounter with his ex-girlfriend. “It was literally the worst pornographic video ever,” he said. “It only showed hips, you couldn’t even see anyone’s junk, and lasted all of two minutes (that is, the video lasted all of two minutes, not myself — don’t jump to conclusions here). Still, having actual documentation of having had sex at one time in the not-incredibly-distant past was enough to get me through my personal time, if you know what I’m saying.”
Both females reiterated the importance of sex toys in their partners’ absences.
“A vibrator is definitely a girl’s best friend when her boyfriend is away … I wouldn’t have survived without it!” the SPA ’11 female told me.
“I use a vibrator while we have phone sex,” the CAS ’11 female said. “Usually my boyfriend will say what he would do to me if we were in person. He’ll ask what I would do to him, or he’ll ask me what I’m doing in the moment, if I’m touching myself or using my vibrator.”
But is it worth it?
For the SPA ’12 male, long-distance relationships aren’t worth it, especially during the beginning of college.
“There’s just no reason to deny yourself — in the prime of your life, your sexual peak — the opportunity to enjoy other people’s bodies, their touch, their company, solely because at one point in your life, you experienced a high schooler’s notion of love,” he pointed out.
The CAS ’11 female has a different perspective as an older student.
“I met my boyfriend in college; it’s not high school love,” she said. “I’ve been at AU for a long time, in and out of relationships, and I can honestly say there’s no one here I would rather be with.”
sexwonks@theeagleonline.com
