Hello all, and welcome to Listopia. This new column will be dedicated to looking at our current pop-culture fascinations and queries through the lens of the media that came before. In list form!
This week, the impending departure of Steve Carell from NBC’s “The Office” has caused a new flurry of excitement about who will replace his character Michael Scott. It’s a big question, because Carell’s character is both the heart of the show but also a major target for the show’s critics.
So how do the writers prepare their audience for a break-up from a loved or loathed character? By looking at this handy list of the four major ways a character can disappear forever.
Option 1: The Bell Tolls For A Ratings Bonanza
The character has been blown to smithereens. The chances of them coming back: zero, barring angels or a saving throw. Reserved for gritty cop shows, over-the-top genre pieces and, of course, soap operas, killing off a character is a good way of making sure that pesky actor or actress never eats the last éclair for the Kraft Services table again.
This option can be invoked a few different ways. For one thing, it’s important not to anger the writers: After Jon Polito mouthed off to reporters about being shafted on “Homicide: Life on the Street,” the writers altered the script, having Polito’s character commit suicide between seasons. If you’re the creators of “Lost,” simple fan dissatisfaction can lead to the killing off of characters. Of course, there are more tragic examples: when John Ritter died, “8 Simple Rules” also killed off his character in a similar fashion, leading to some touching moments on an otherwise mediocre sitcom. Then they brought on David Spade to replace him, and that’s the greatest tragedy of all.
Odds for The Office: 100 to 1 (Though...think of the ratings.)
Option 2: The Jedi Mind Trick
Sometimes we are simply meant to forget that a character even existed at all. Their disappearance is never commented on, leaving fans to scratch their heads. The most famous example of this is Chuck Cunningham, Richie’s older brother on “Happy Days,” who was simply never brought up again after some prominence in the show’s first two seasons. For a more modern example, re-watch the pilot for “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” You didn’t know Larry David’s character was supposed to have kids? You’re forgiven, because they’re never mentioned ever again.
Odds for The Office: 80 to 1 (5 to 1 if the characters had their way.)
Option 3: The General MacArthur
The option with the most open-ended possibilities but also less satisfying than some of the others. Essentially, the writers make the main character leave the bulk of the show for their own off-screen adventures, emphasis on the off-screen. This allows the option of bringing them back for a guest appearance or if the show is too difficult to write without that character. In TV parlance, it’s called “putting a character on the bus,” which I assume is named after the easiest way to get rid of unwanted young children every morning.
This is the most common form of ditching a character, assuming that the writers or producers have not been angered or recently bored. Because of the possibility of coming back, it fits a “realistic” setting much better than another possibilities. Lazarus wasn’t dead, he just had to move to Chicago for a new job (I smell a spinoff!). However, there’s one worth mentioning. The Ropers were eliminated from “Three’s Company” for their own spinoff. Unfortunately, their show floundered and after its cancellation there was little they could do to get back on the show that made them famous. It is a cruel bus.
Odds for The Office: 2 to 1.
Option 4: The Reality Showdown
Your $50,000-an-episode contract isn’t worth dealing with your housemates/competitors/other horny single people (on Fox at least). So do what any other sane person would do when leaving a place of employment: burn your bridges.
Epic screaming matches, hair pulling and a general sense of satisfaction at leaving everything ravaged and burned. Truly “The Jersey Shore” is our generation’s barbaric Viking horde. Reserved for reality shows and, God willing, “Two and A Half Men.”
Odds for The Office: 1 to 1 (Cross your fingers, people.)
mrichardson@theeagleonline.com
