During a 15-minute hiatus in Wednesday’s late afternoon class, I hustled to The Tavern to grab a cold one and was instantly dejected, stuck deciding between juice and Coke (which blended together makes joke, which was somewhat fitting). When I hustled back to class and took my seat I nudged the girl next to me, “Did you know the Tavern doesn’t sell beer?”
“I know, it’s ridiculous, huh?” she said.
“Ridiculous? It’s outrageous. Practically illegal!” I exclaimed.
Unbeknownst to me, the professor, positioned directly behind my desk, interjected and asked if I was trying to procure beer in between his lecture.
“Ha, me? No. No. (long awkward pause) No.”
“Perhaps there’s a legitimate explanation for your dilemma then,” he said flatly.
(Is it too late to transfer classes?)
On a similar note, those quesadillas and southwest sauce must’ve been bomb. Since it’s my first semester at AU, I can’t fully mourn their departure like many of you (see bulk of Eagle Rants), but if you could resuscitate the magnanimous Ted Kennedy or reinstate cheese quesadillas, which one would you choose? (Don’t answer that.)
What’s more appalling is the glaring omission of a different cherished item on the menu at Tavern. Like alcohol! Criticizing sauce while overlooking alcohol is akin to disparaging BP because of their commercials. Take a cursory glance at Eagle Rants, and you’ll see a litany of complaints about the sacred sauce, but not one devoted to beer. Wake up, student body. What the wonk is wrong with you? It’s called “Tavern” for crying out loud! According to dictionary.com, a tavern is: “A place where liquors are sold to be consumed on the premises.” Seems like a pretty clear definition to me. And now they have the audacity to steal your southwest sauce — to kick a man while he’s down ...
I’m still adjusting to AU culture, and although I have my complaints, lack of sauce isn’t one of them.
First, Jacobs Fitness Center is so crowded I get my cardio just by moving out of people’s way while waiting for a machine. It’s inadequate for the traffic and needs to be renovated and expanded. Many sections of the gym close abruptly for varsity sports (who deserve their own facilities), thereby exacerbating the problem. There’s also no towel service, which is unhygienic and raises the risk of contracting disease. The few rags accessible to clean machines are usually so drenched with sweat and disinfectant that I’d be cleaner spending a night with Snooki.
Speaking of antiquated, the jostle to secure a computer in Bender Library is maddening. Perhaps I’ve been spoiled in the past, but queuing to print a paper for class isn’t something I’m accustomed to. I’m starting to get the perception of a sardine in a can, and I’m vegetarian so that’s basically antithetical of my diet.
If AU is concerned about competing with the big dogs, it’s going to have to do better than ‘wonk.’ While the new School of International Service building is a notable step in the right direction, we’ve got to improve other infrastructure to expand with the size of incoming students (not a fat joke). Instead of spending money frivolously on a marketing ploy that seems to have backfired at best, funds should’ve been apportioned for more pragmatic means. By placating the desires of current students, AU does great marketing for future alumni donations while concomitantly enticing student recruitment efforts.
Besides the faculty, reputation, and location (amongst other factors), campus aesthetics and state-of-the-art buildings allure people to AU. While we’re unquestionably successful in the former, we’re falling behind in the latter. If the “wonk” campaign represents the direction of the future, we’re heading into misguided terrain. To say anger over “wonk” is exaggerated or dramatized is probably true, although perhaps it’s symptomatic of deeper student issues.
Like southwest sauce.
Conor Shapiro is a graduate student in the School of International Service and a liberal columnist. You can reach this columnist at edpage@theeagleonline.com.
