• I'm so fed up with Alex Prescott. If he is being paid, he should be able to control the weather. The snowstorm is clearly an act of negligence from Alex.
• Dear Phonathon complainer: Have you ever heard of constructive criticism? If you can't take an informal (i.e. has no impact on whether you remain at your job) evaluation by a fellow student, how are you gonna survive a formal evaluation in a more "legitimate" job than the Phonathon where your position might be dependent on a good eval? Get over it and maybe even learn from it.
• I'm SO HAPPY that my chargers have gotten broken from someone pulling the sprinkler and housing and dining won't pay for it. S a D housing and dining.
• You know you're in college when: The school starts stocking the vending machines with 5-Hour Energy.
• End the Moroccan occupation of the Western Sahara!
• I know that there's more to life than having a boyfriend, but I'd REALLY like to have a boyfriend. I have some candidates in mind.
• Why would you choose to make an important phone call at full volume in the middle of the library? You were on the first floor! You could have taken less than one minute to walk out the doors or to the designated cell phone area and saved me (and plenty of others) the interruption.
• If AU was serious about ending drug usage on campus they would ban the Canadian flag. How dare they put a pot leaf on their national banner? (Though it does explain some of the whacked out things they do.)
• Why was Sidney Crosby upset? He heard the Caps had an agreement with The Hershey Bears and he loves bears covered in hot gooey chocolate.
• If American University has the Eagle as a Mascot, does Canadian University have the beaver?
• What's the difference between Mike Babcock and Jeff Jones? Mike Babcock is an amazing coach with sucky players. Jeff Jones is a sucky coach with amazing players.
• Dear Eagle: I would write a letter to the editor, but I don't want good writing mixed in with bad writing. Are you really advocating that the way to oppose a blood ban is to donate blood? Is the way to fight war, to wage war? If the way to end racial violence, to wage racial violence? What were you thinking? A Concerned Reader EDITOR'S NOTE: There's a difference between an editorial and a column. The editorial represents what the paper's staff thinks. A column, which is what you are referring to, represent the opinions of the writer.
• Dear Charlie: A cat? Really? A cat?
• Sidney Crosby is coming to AU. Seems the one thing he's good at he can do in the amphitheater and the bathroom in the basement of the library.
• Why is Canada's birthrate so low? Because Canadians can't score.
• Hey Canada- Hockey is your official sport, eh? Then how do you explain the 5-3 loss to us, eh? Yours, The United States
• Sven Kramer: I would love to have dutch treat with him! Why can't our speed skaters look like him?
• Here's what I don't get: AU can spend thousands of dollars on getting warm up clothes for the basketball team, getting matching sneakers, getting all of this junk, yet they're too poor to buy more than two sets of intramural pennies? Aren't *we* the ones paying for sports?
• Why don't we just nuke Long Island and get rid of my annoying war-declaring roommate?
• I'm so ridiculously obsessed with Lady Gaga, it's starting to affect my work. Ra Ra Ah Ah Ah!
• Stop crying, I'm pretty sure no one cares anymore. South side is for gangstas!
• I love guacamole, but Salsa guac is just NOT CUTTING IT. And they charge extra? BOO, YOU WHORE!
• On February 13, a friend and I both called in to campus security and 911 about a guy who as walking in front of Ward with what appeared to be a rifle. NOTHING in the police report?! Really?!
• Dear person sitting behind me, First, please chew your potato chips with your mouth closed. You are not five years old. Second, did you put an entire bottle of hair gel on your head this morning? You look ridiculous.
• I hate tools in the lounge who feel the need to sing "Party in the USA."
• I'm turning 21 soon and will soon have an extra ID that may or may not say I am 23. Any Asian guys interested?
• Quit bitching about the Phonathon. It's a part time job, not a gloriously fulfilling career. It's convenient, the pay's not bad, and if you really take it so personally that they're just doing their jobs then you're gonna have some serious issues when you get out of college.
• Dear Roommate, Shut the fuck up. You could sleep for 30 years straight and still complain that you haven't had enough sleep. I get it. Fire alarms suck. However, so do you.
• All of the sudden, hippies just cause me to fly into a blind rage. It's like I'm having patchouli-triggered Vietnam flashbacks or something.
• I feel better knowing that I'm not the only who's type is "tall awkward dudes."
• As a graduating senior, I wish college freshmen could learn much more quickly that, while it's great that they're getting involved, being in several thousand activities does NOT make you as important as you think you are. Being in the SG does NOT make you important. Having an internship on the Hill does NOT make you important. Going abroad to a developing country on a pre-packaged program does NOT make you important or more wordly than everyone else. Do these things, but develop some humility. Do these things in order to realize that the world is much bigger than you so that you grow and develop as a human.
• Ms. Berlin is the best thing that ever happened to Tenley. If you've never been to Tenley Café, I recommend the trip. It's well worth it. EDITOR'S NOTE: As a Mentorship program alumnus, I agree!
• DO YOU LIVE ON THE THIRD FLOOR? THEN THIS IS JUST THE RANT FOR YOU!!!!! It's TWO flights of stairs down, kids. Don't take the elevator unless you a) are carrying lots of heavy things or b) have a disability. Oh, and being in a sorority is NOT a disability.
• So I've been in the library since around 8 p.m. It's 2 a.m. And I'm still editing my English paper. Normally I'd be close to gouging my eyes out, but this paper I'm slaving over is an album review for one of my favorite bands. Much love to LIT-101 Indie Rock and a shout-out to our very own, very awesome Professor Choutka. I'm probably going to use this paper to apply for an intern position at Rolling Stone. Henceforth, MLIA.
• Why are we appointing a WCL student as the trustee when we're primarily an undergrad institution. You really think the WCL students have any idea what's going on on Main Campus? No, and frankly they probably don't care. Just another way AU tries to screw students over.
• If the high school me met the college me, she'd beat a bitch down.
• So, I'm a girl, and I want to play soccer. Really bad. I played all through high school, and I miss it so much. Only prob is, I've emailed the club team and they said they don't take new members halfway through the season? And the intramural website made it sound like I needed a team. Help?
• Girl 1: I think EI roofied me last night. Girl2: Where were you? Girl 1: At their house, obviously.
• AU Threesome best thing to happen to WI, the Eagle and AU. Its time to bring them back.
• Why is the Intramural Website something from 1995?
• Someone out there has taken the last DVD of BSG season 2.5 and the first DVD of BSG season 3.0 from the library. No true BSG fan would do that. I suspect it's a star wars fan trying to make us watch the filth that is George Lucas. You are Sith Scum sir!
Rant here!
