Everyone has had their first time, second time, third time and so on. With every thrust, every lick or every kiss you learn what you want, who you desire and ultimately begin to understand your sexuality.
Understanding yourself and your desire will cause you to have a more pleasurable experience with your partner, simply because when you know what you want, you can express it to the person you are with. But during this exploration, you have a responsibility to yourself.
Fundamentally, you are your own best line of defense. In the end, you are the number one advocate for your health and safety. This all being said, horrible and despicable things happen to people, we are not blaming victims of crimes of this nature.
Let’s get right to the butt of this. Many people enjoy sex without condoms — scratch that, nearly everyone enjoys the sensations of sex more without condoms. With the birth control pill and the invincibility complex of many college-aged people, unprotected sex is bound to happen on a college campus. But this is a deeply personal choice that should be made by both parties involved. Understanding the outcomes is an important part; however, accepting what may come to pass is paramount. In the end you can cry to as many friends you will like, but you will still have to sit in that doctor’s office, Planned Parenthood center or in front of an unfriendly nurse as he or she takes your blood for another test.
Everyone makes her or his own choices, and in the end it is about you knowing what you’re doing and being OK with that. Sex is a very natural process, whether you’re vanilla and enjoy the tried and true missionary position or enjoy being carted off by the D.C. Leather Boys from S and M 101 and spanked ‘til your ass is rosy. Don’t have shame in what you enjoy or whom you enjoy it with. In the end, it is your life. It is not the life of the girl who might yell “slut” at you when you walk home from a fantastic evening.
For those who attended S and M 101, hosted by Queers and Allies this past week, the leather boys brought up the issue of understanding your true desires. It’s OK if you like to be spanked, hogtied or act like a puppy. While being a dutiful slave to a master is more than OK, people shouldn’t be a slave to society’s perceived notions on sex.
With that being said, girls don’t have to be prudish and lady-like, and boys don’t have to be crude and always looking for “some ass” — or vice versa. We know we may be preaching to the choir on this campus, but so often we see people fall into the same traps of conforming to what they think people want them to be, and not what they want for themselves.
This leads guys into thinking they can treat girls poorly just because others do it. It leads girls to think they need to get as drunk as possible before a frat party to hook up with a guy. These kinds of actions do not lead to good sex, and they often do not lead to being happy with yourself.
In the end it comes down to taking a personal responsibility for what you want. It is not a decision that can be made for you by society, and it is often not an easy decision. Take for instance a girl and boy who decide to have unprotected sex. They may enjoy it more, they may feel closer together, but they may also become pregnant. Or imagine two boys at Apex going home together. They may have amazing sex, but if it is unprotected, the consequences can be fatal.
Finding a medium between personal responsibility and your personal desires is no easy task. With pregnancy, HIV and other complications, not all personal desires are without consequence. The first step is to always understand what you and your partner want together. But the dialogue cannot end there. You and your partner must also realize the possible consequences of your actions, especially if you choose riskier behavior — and know that the responsibility is on you both. Then, should something unwanted come to pass, you will be as prepared as possible.
Please feel free to contact the AU Threesome with questions or comments at authreesome@theeagleonline.com.
