Throughout life and especially on college campuses around the world, students entering a new relationship are sometimes at a loss. Often, finding a person you want to settle down with during your years at university is difficult enough without the many questions that arise. One of the biggest questions seems to be when a couple is ready for one of the biggest steps: sex. If we could tell you a certain number of days, hours and minutes, we would — but it’s just not that simple. Even among the three of us, we have very differing points of view, so we decided to each give our own answer to this age-old question. Take note that the three of us realize despite how much we each think our opinion is the right one, there can never be an absolute answer to this question.
Maxwell Hillcrest: So, you want to know how long you should wait before sex? In my book you are already ahead of the competition by asking instead of acting. More often than not, I’ve seen couples plagued by some indefinable magic number separating them from sex. But by asking, you are halfway on the road to your answer.
Even in a world as open as that of a university (and AU is no exception), there still seems to be a disconnect between the sex that takes place and how much people actually discuss it. Since you are in a relationship, you need to come at it in a mature way. And the best way to accomplish that is by talking.
Instead of looking at other relationships to find that “sweet spot,” talk to your partner. The two of you will go much farther in your relationship if you consult one another rather than waiting for the heat of the moment when nothing else seems to matter.
I know this is not the perfect answer. In fact, I suspect it is the answer you already knew would be true. But the fact remains: if you want to avoid having sex too soon or not soon enough, you are going to have to go through the awkward, yet vital, sex talk.
Buster Darkhole: The timeless question. Sex is as natural as eating and sleeping. I would say try not to have it too soon. Before I venture into any body cavities, my first priority is to get to know the person I am with. I like the whole “take them out to dinner, go for long walks around the monuments late at night” romance thing. The idea is that this will allow two people to talk and bond over more than the physical.
As your relationship begins to mature, the right time will find its way under the covers (or against a wall, on a sidewalk, against the RA’s door... wherever). However, honest conversation can bring a relationship to new levels. I have received more satisfaction from those conversations than from any one night with my man.
I will say that you should not do it just because you feel you have to, or just because your friends are doing it. It’s something that is different for all relationships and all people. Moving too fast may scare some people off or put unrealistic expectations on a relationship. Moving too slow is the easiest to fix — no rush for this plunge.
Once you start spelunking, understand the possible outcomes to this act. If you’re not safe, you can open yourself up to nasty STDs or pregnancy. Let’s face it, college students can barely plan out their essays until the night before, let alone take a regiment of pills. And, again, AU doesn’t have family housing.
Amber Sparkles: I think your best guide for deciding when to have sex with someone you are starting to date is to examine your reasons for having sex in the first place. If you like someone enough to be interested in dating her or him or already are dating them, having sex could be a good experience. It’s a new way of exploring your relationship.
It doesn’t have to mean that you must date that person forever, but it also doesn’t mean you should run away like you did from that drunken hook-up after a frat party earlier this year. It just means you like him or her.
Moreover, if you are beginning to develop affectionate feelings for someone, it can be easier to be physically affectionate than express your feelings in words. As long as you are having sex because you like the person and would be interested in building your relationship, there isn’t a time that is too early or too late. But if your reasons are otherwise, then maybe you should think again.
The AU Threesome can be reached at authreesome@theeagleonline.com.
