It's three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You've had one too many cups of jungle juice. You think his name is Andrew, but you're not really sure. You thought you would never be that girl, but there you are, in your drunken haze.
You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else. He wants to cuddle and you're starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up could turn into something.
Hold up! Not so fast. Unfortunately, we couldn't be with you in the moment of need -- but maybe we can do a little damage control.
Ladies, delete "Welcome Week Guy '09" from your phone. Dudes, don't call! Hook-ups do not lead to relationships (we'll explain why).
A lot of people think that their first sexual experience in college is something meaningful. We can tell you that it is not. When you hook up with someone, you're thinking with your clit or your dick -- you're not gathering the type of empirical data that you would were you sober. This leads to you waking up with a guy who you thought was attractive last night and trying to convince yourself he's still attractive today. Put down your computer and stop trying to Facebook-stalk him. Stop asking your roommate if she thinks that he could possibly be attractive with one eye closed, her head tilted and the lights out. It doesn't matter if it was just a hook-up; as long as you're safe, not pregnant and clean, it's time to move on.
Others might feel guilty and regret their drunken romp. Don't. Everyone does it. Granted, it might be a little early in the school year for a late night/early morning run to CVS for the $52 pill. But if it is necessary, please do get that pill -- AU does not have family housing. (Oh, and by the way, don't use mommy's credit card to buy it -- and don't rely on the ATM in Anderson Hall.) Still, college is about learning, right? Consider this your first lesson of the semester. It's natural to want to be with someone you are attracted to -- or, at least were attracted to at the time. But sexual attraction, drunken or sober, is not the same as a relationship.
Not that we've imparted our wisdom and personal experience on you, let's talk about how to recognize the beginning of a real relationship. You meet someone you like, whether its 3:00 a.m. or 3:00 p.m., and it turns out you have your clothing on this time. We are now starting off on a better foot and, lets face it girls, more often then not you'll have to slow the guy down. That's more than okay -- it adds to your "mystique." Flirt with them, step in a little bit closer, laugh at all his jokes, flip your hair, basically everything you see in the movies without the sex. I said without the sex. In this day and age, it's okay to ask him out. If you're too shy for that, ask for his phone number or Facebook him. Start a conversation to find out more about him, and in the process discover more about what you want.
This time, you're thinking with your brain and not your sex organs. In the end it's all going to be about what you want emotionally, intellectually ... and physically. There is no reason to rush into any relationship. Two weeks at school does not mean you know the guy. You don't want to ruin your first semester being in a relationship that you don't want. Let's not waste your time or his.
So before you get over-anxious to leap into that glorious relationship, here are a few questions to ask yourself: 1. How intoxicated were you when you met? 2. If you were sober, would you find this person attractive? 3. Do you really want a relationship this early in the year anyway?
Until next time: avoid a frown, contain your clown. Both the Health Center and LBGT Resource Center have free condoms.
Questions, comments, hate mail? E-mail us at authreesome@theeagleonline.com.
