Ticket to inaugural gala: $500. Gown: $40. Metro fare to get to inaugural gala: $5. Attending a swanky event with over a dozen open bars: Priceless.
On Friday afternoon, I found myself in a jam. I never would have imagined I would be in: scouring the stores around Metro Center for a cheap dress that would be acceptable to wear at a black tie inaugural gala.
When I found out that I would get to cover the Illinois Inaugural Gala, I was ecstatic. Here, a small town girl from rural Virginia would get to rub shoulders with Illinois and Washington elite while wearing gowns that cost more than my first car. Who knows, I might grab for the same crab cake on the hors d'oeuvres tray as Rahm Emanuel, a man I have an inexplicable soft spot in my heart for after I heard about his utter insanity and the Arby's finger incident.
After finding a $40 dress and buying pantyhose from the Eagle's Nest last minute, I found myself on Monday night wobbling to the downtown Renaissance Hotel in my three-inch heels, running down the list of representatives from Illinois I had memorized the night before. I had also made a point of memorizing as much random information about the state as I could, in case I found myself in a deep conversation with one of the state senators and was forced to recite Illinois' average temperatures or the percentage of the population that is Lutheran (Spoiler: I didn't).
Walking in through the rotating doors to the lobby felt like being teleported into some glamorous 1940s Cary Grant movie. I felt grossly underdressed surrounded by crystal-studded, floor-length ball gowns, fur coats and crisp designer tuxedos. I certainly wasn't in Appalachia anymore.
The gala did an interesting job of mixing the classy with the common. While there was a prominently displayed ice sculpture, 50 feet away was a display of Kraft Foods, which is headquartered in Illinois. A Charm City Cake (from the Baltimore-based specialty cake store that is the setting for the Food Network show Ace of Cakes), which typically run for thousands of dollars, depicted a Caterpillar tractor, the parent company of which is also based in Illinois.
In addition to the dinner that was served in three different ballrooms (to which press was not allowed to go to and was reduced to sitting in a corner and watching people eat a spectacular-looking meal), there were multiple open bars on every floor, with different rooms devoted to different kinds of alcohol. My personal favorites were the inaugural themed "Time for Change," "Yes We Can!" and "Bailout" cocktails.
After the dinner, attendees grabbed free swag at several themed rooms, including a 1950s-themed diner, complete with root beer floats, Elvis covers and a pink Cadillac; a Chicago pizzeria with Uno's Pizza, beer and a "Riverboat Lounge," complete with a Honky Tonk piano player.
Also walking around the gala were poor local high school students summoned to dress as famous Illinoisans, real and fictional, from the Blues Brothers and Doublemint Twins to Abraham Lincoln and Jane Addams. I felt especially bad for two girls dressed up as Raggedy Ann and Andy (apparently from Illinois?), who were forced to awkwardly walk up to strangers and perform a painful monologue.
But perhaps the most interesting part of the night was observing all of the diamond-drenched people while discreetly listening in on their conversations. "Everyone, this is my new wife, so-and-so," and "I called the principal of [insert name of swanky Ivy League-caliber preschool here] to see if they have any room for my son ..." For me, the night was nothing less than a culture shock.
Alas, while I did not get to "accidentally" graze hands with my dearest Rahm, I would consider the night a success. Where else in the world could you drink a "Yes We Can!" martini, talk to a Doublemint twin and discuss Michelle Obama's fashion choices while under the watchful, adolescent eye of a 200-year-old man?
You can reach this staff writer at thallerman@theeagleonline.com.
