According to popular logic, the point of having sex is to orgasm, to cum, to get off, show off your "O" face - you get the idea. But what if it isn't? And what happens when you don't? According to the 2000 Orgasm Survey, 72 percent of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their most recent or current relationship, while 24 percent of men admit to the same.
In surveys of college students, straight men said their gal would "never do that," but 55 percent of them admitted they could tell (or think that they can tell) when they're being faked, according to Leland Elliot in his book, "Sex on Campus." Even then, in her book "Sex for Dummies," Dr. Ruth Westheimer says both men and women are able to perfectly fool their partners if they want to.
An orgasm will not necessarily happen every time. For a substantial percentage of women, they will never be able to orgasm from sex alone (estimates range up to 40 percent of all women), according to Paul Joannides in "The Guide to Getting it On."
Don't despair! First, get practicing on your oral technique. Gay or straight, your tongue will be able to do what sex does not, and your partner will love you for it. If oral sex isn't your thing, or if your partner is not interested, you can always try manual stimulation.
Second, do not have sex while drunk or high. There are the obvious problems associated with drunken and high sex, such as the possibility of not remembering your delicious time together. But inebriation also makes achieving an orgasm difficult. Contrary to the delusions of many drunken sod, imbibing large quantities of alcohol does not make you a sex god.
Third, stop stressing about the orgasm and enjoy the ride. It doesn't necessarily have to be the goal every single time. For many people, sex is about the sense of togetherness and connection that the act brings, so relax and focus on enjoying each other. In fact, focusing on pleasure (yours and your partner's) rather than the end result will increase your chances of having an orgasm. If you are having problems, here are some tips that might help you along.
Despite what you see in the movies, it may be a good idea to slow down and talk about it. More foreplay is always better and can result in a better sexual experience. Taking the time to get your partner aroused and in the mood will improve the chances of having an orgasm and make your partner look forward to Act 2.
Joannides says it usually takes women about 20 minutes of foreplay to attain the level of arousal necessary for orgasm. Even for men, a previous orgasm from a hand job, oral sex or other stimulation can make an orgasm from sex more likely after a few minutes of recuperation time. And ask questions! You can make it a dirty little game if you want, but usually a "tell me where" or a "does this feel good?" will suffice.
And finally, try turning the lights on. Humans are visual creatures, and sometimes your partner needs to see your nether regions in order to figure out what's going on down there. For those of you who don't know what's going on down there, get some chocolate sauce, ice cubes, a feather, scarves and any other fun props and explore together.
That's it until next time. Send us your questions at insearchofbooty@gmail.com.
