I looked at the scale today and almost started to cry. Like most people, I dread the moment when I finally decide to tackle my biggest fear: that damn number on the scale.
I was at the doctor for a physical. It started out OK. My blood pressure was fine, 20/20 vision, my reflexes intact. Then, it was time for height and weight.
Now, I have always felt as though I am more self-conscious than most people, and I have a hard time saying to myself, "It's just a number," or, "It's just a size." I hear folks brag all the time about how they can eat and eat and never gain a pound, and I actually feel jealous. Is this sad or just normal these days?
There is never a day that goes by that I don't hear someone complain about how they look, and it is so difficult not to get swept up in it yourself. Between magazines, television, friends and sometimes even family, we are brainwashed to believe that any size is better than what we are right now.
There are more people with eating disorders now than ever before; an estimated 35 million people in the United States alone have some form of an eating disorder, according to Focus Adolescent Services, a family health Web site. Eighty percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, and 6.6 million people in the United States get liposuction or cosmetic surgery per year. It doesn't seem like anyone is listening.
Has anyone ever defined what "healthy weight" is? Sure, the Body Mass Index calculator gives you a general idea of your healthy weight, but it doesn't factor in muscle, which weighs more than fat. A "healthy'" BMI range is from 18.5 to 24.9. I used the calculator and it said I was overweight. But I go to the gym often and try to eat right, and I don't think people would say I'm overweight. So what to believe?
It's not easy trying to ignore the numbers. There is a video on YouTube titled "Fat Rant." The girl in it goes on about how she's fat and how that doesn't define her as a person. She was confident in herself. Unfortunately, there aren't enough people like that.
People say we're in an obesity epidemic, but I think we're in an epidemic of hating our bodies until we get so frustrated that we just stop trying. People can only do so much on their own. Add social stigma to that, and it's a miracle anyone has any body confidence.
So, back to my own weight.
It makes me a little sad to say I won't be posting that number here today. I'm not that girl that doesn't care what her weight is, and some day, I hope to realize that it is just a number. I know well enough the number doesn't make me a good or bad person, though. I know I have a lot of great things about me that have nothing to do with my size.
I just hope some day we can forget about size and stop focusing so much on a number. I don't want to hear people complaining about it anymore. I am tired of this being a conversation everywhere. It's not worth it. For once, let's say that and actually believe it. It's not worth it.
