Democracy has rules. Democracy only works if people follow rules. It does not work if people cheat - if there are ballot stuffers, chronic disenfranchisement of minorities or an electoral college, for example.
The AU gym is a democracy. As in other democracies, there are limited resources, and there is a system for deciding who has access to which resources at which time. When one enters this forum, one must follow the rules in order to make the system work for all parties concerned.
Olga Khazan is a senior in the School of Public Affairs and a social commentary columnist for The Eagle.
For example, if we are coming from work, we lock up in our belongings in one of the lockers that the university has so kindly rented to us for $100 a year, because, besides being a democracy, the university is also an extremely profitable business that will stop at nothing to deprive us of our meager intern stipends. If others' belongings are left in the cubbyholes, we do not steal them. We do not drop metal plates. We do not grunt loudly into the mirrors while lifting an amount of weight that we are clearly not capable of, scaring those around us. Well, we do, but we are judged silently and harshly.
We sign up for elliptical times. We do this so that there is not a bloodbath of sorority girls who all want an elliptical with a TV screen so that they can watch "The Hills," or so that vicious rumors are not spread about who is a Big Fat Elliptical Whore and who isn't. And we respect the times on the sign-up board by not using the ellipticals when we clearly have not signed up. We do not make flabbergasted expressions at the tired, perturbed blonde girl who asks us to get off because she has signed up for that time. She has observed the gym procedure, and she will win. We do not pretend that our initials are also "OK," for no two sets of parents could have that sick of a sense of humor.
Most importantly, we do not erase the times of others. Occasionally, this happens, and an angry mob forms, grumbling and pointing at the times in consternation when it could be blissfully peddling away to its iPods. Time erasure demoralizes the human spirit. Tomorrow, we will wake up flabbier, angrier and more miserly. Our rights will have gone unobserved and our glutes untoned. We will become jaded and will lose our faith in U.S. democracy. We will grow up to vote Republican, forever clinging to what is ours so that it is not taken from us like our elliptical once was.
When this shameful travesty occurs, the Eraser Tyrant must, under no circumstances, suggest that we, the Oppressed, instead use a treadmill. This is laughable. Everyone knows that treadmills are inferior. They hurt our knees and do not burn as many calories. They represent everything wrong with the United States.
Today, I call for an end to our blatant disregard for gym democracy. If we do not fight for our rightful use of the ellipticals, we are allowing the Man to win. The Man - who does not work all day, and therefore does not have to use the gym at night when it is most crowded. The Man - who is not on column deadline and therefore does not have to rush home to finish writing. The Man - who thinks that wearing an AU athletics T-shirt gives him free reign of our gym.
We must not give up our fair spin on the elliptical we rightfully signed up for on the infallible board of white. The capital letters of the "YOU MUST SIGN UP" sign on the board could not be any clearer, and the time could not be riper for asserting our freedoms as gymgoers.
