10: Hulk Hogan Hulkamania is still alive and well in our hearts, and you have to think that someone with Hogan's irresistible charm is a natural for public speaking. If the hit VH1 series "Hogan Knows Best" is any indication, his unique brand of tough love and casual espionage could provide hours of inspirational stories.
9: Cirque du Soleil The number of acrobatics troupes that perform at AU every year is woefully small - which is strange because Bender Arena was practically built for quirky Quebecois circus performers. Sometimes we all need a break from reality - in the form of an awe-inspiring arena spectacular.
8: Chris Brown He danced his way into our hearts during this year's MTV Video Music Awards. The "Stomp the Yard" star is a true triple threat as a singer, dancer and actor. Furthermore, he has T-Pain's backing, and that's enough for us.
7: Insane Clown Posse (ICP) Who can resist a lovable evil clown? ICP's unique brand of psychopathic alternative music mingled with black and white clown makeup would truly shake up the AU campus. Plus, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope seem like pretty cool guys.
6: Clipse The machismo Clipse is undeniable. Listen to "Chinese New Year" just once and you might want to drop out of college and pursue drug trafficking and gangsta-style assassinations. If wanton violence isn't your game, then just admit that Clipse's MCs, Malice and Pusha-T, are this generation's Louis Armstrong, pioneering scat singing for weaponry.
5: Mystery It's time for us to step our games up, and what better coach than acclaimed pick-up artist and D-list celebrity Mystery? Host of the reality series "The Pick-Up Arist" and author of "The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed." However, after a motivating workshop, you may know him better as the man who changed your life.
4: Criss Angel Magician turned musician Christopher Sarantakos, alias Criss Angel, spends his nights at the top of a giant pyramid in Las Vegas. That doesn't mean the celebrated illusionist couldn't feed himself through a wood chipper in the Tavern for us.
3: GWAR Imagine a giant penis cannon in the Tavern shooting faux cum, piss and blood all over your chicken tenders. Need we say more? Virginia Commonwealth University rejects GWAR are known for disemboweling political and religious effigies onstage and in elaborate costumes. A Styrofoam Ben Ladner spilling its guts in our cheesesteaks? We can only hope.
2: Meat Loaf The King of Wagnerian rock Meat Loaf may be the single greatest performer who has ever lived. One year after the completion of his bat story arc, in which a bat traverses out of, then back into, hell and then is loosed from his fiery home, the larger-than-life singer is probably desperate for a tour.
1: The ghost of George Washington As students at the American University, it seems a great oversight to us that Washington has never once visited campus - hell, legend has it that AU was his idea! We propose a campus-wide s?ance to resurrect this nation's most memorable leader for what is sure to be his most memorable performance. - "An All-American Evening with George Washington, location TBA."
-COMPILED BY THE SCENE STAFF
