'Cum' to terms with your foreplay habits

I'm a girl, and my best guy friend and I had sex for the first time this summer. Everything was great -for me, that is. He was a virgin, and we were safe and used a condom, but he couldn't come. The second time, we used a condom again and he was close but didn't. I've given him blow jobs and hand jobs, but he always tells me to stop before he comes. Can a virgin come with a condom on? Maybe the friction is better without the condom and the sensation's better. How can we fix our problem?

Sincerely,

Irritated at Reticent Kinkiness-Exchange Development

Dear IRKED,

You're doing everything right, and you can't beat yourself up. I assure you: Everything will get better from here. For some reason, your guy friend lasts a lot longer than most virgins, which is something that, later on, when this is behind you, you will be very grateful for. Trust me.

For now, he needs to come (or "cum," as it is often written) with you. From what you are saying, he has never orgasmed in the same room as you. Part of your problem is trying to jump from nothing to an orgasm during vaginal intercourse, which can be really hard.

There are several things you can do, but your priority is to have him experience an orgasm with you there. One way to do that is just to give him a hand job or blow job until he blows his gasket. Keep it sloppy with lube or saliva, and ask him what he likes.

Another way to go is to take a more passive role and let him masturbate with you there. Over time, you can participate in the process and continue to get more intimate until he's coming inside you. The idea here is that you need to take a step back and develop some intimate foreplay. Eventually, you'll know how to get him so worked up that he can barely contain himself when he penetrates you.

Like I said, with some practice, you'll be fine. In terms of condoms, don't delude yourself here. You're right that the friction and sensations are better without a condom, but I firmly believe that sex without condoms (or any other form of contraception, like the pill) is for long-term, committed relationships where you are more prepared for the possibility of getting pregnant. Stick to condoms for now. Good luck and report back with a progress report!

Dear Pierce,

OK, so this might be kind of weird, but sometimes when I masturbate, afterward, I taste my semen. I know it's weird, but I just have this curiosity about it, and honestly, it turns me on. Is this weird, or do most people have the same kinds of desires as me? Also, is it appropriate for me to share this secret with my friends?

Sincerely,

Chillingly Undaunted Masticating

CUM, yes, eating your own sperm is really weird. But if it turns you on, go for it. A simple Google search will reveal that, not only is this habit more common than anyone could reasonably expect, but it's almost always healthy. The only caveat, which seems like common sense, is that if you have certain STIs, such as chlamydia, gonorrhea or HSV II (the non-cold-sore type of herpes), you can spread that infection to your mouth or throat. If you're STI-free, it should be no problem. If you're not sure, it's always a good idea to get tested. You can check out free local options at Planned Parenthood's Web site: www.plannedparenthood.org.

The body can break down semen like any other liquid, and boys and girls who swallow do just that all the time. This is a little more unusual because it's coming from your own body, but biologically, it's the same. However, if you develop strep throat-like symptoms, get that checked out right away.

Unless masturbating is a regular topic among your friends, it might be really inappropriate to bring something like this up. Before you tell anyone, you might want to ask yourself, "Why am I telling this person I eat my own cum?"

The questions are really starting to come in! I've heard some of you have burning questions but are afraid to e-mail me. I promise, I will be the only one to ever see your e-mail address, but if that's not good enough for you, we now have an anonymous submission box outside The Eagle office on the second floor of Mary Graydon Center. Also, you can always make up a fake e-mail address on Hotmail (it takes two seconds), or simply e-mail me from your friend's computer, as some readers have already done. Again, my e-mail is piercehardcastle@theeagleonline.com.