1. Go to the gym - regularly Have you seen the gym in early January? Everyone's back on campus and ready to "get in shape." Why battle the crowds and cardio equipment sign-up board when you can wait until February, or better yet March, when New Year's is but a faded memory and the pleasures of being well "insulated" and eating ice cream outweigh those of maniacally peddling away on a stationary bike?
2. Stop checking Facebook It was a resolution that nearly broke our hearts to make, but suddenly we had that burning desire to check out our friends' new favorite television shows. After all, what kind of friend would we be if we didn't know? So, let's face it, we gave up and logged on first thing on New Years morning. Because it just mattered more than having our black-eyed peas.
3. Not get involved with this season of "24" This resolution seemed like it would be a breeze last fall, when there was no Jack Bauer in sight and the only television show worth watching was "Next." But Fox proceeded to give the viewers four new episodes - that's right, a sixth of the season - to kick off the new season and, in the process, suck in anyone trying to avoid the show. And it's not like past seasons: this time, Kiefer Sutherland not only has to kill terrorists, but he also has to race against the clock to do so. Well, that actually sounds like the other seasons, but goodness, isn't it always entertaining?
4. Eat healthier, i.e. go vegan Seeing as we go to AU and our daily bread is distributed in the troughs of TDR, this is virtually impossible. The "Cucina Verde" section has only four choices, few vegan, and all constitute enough sustenance for a mere side dish. The standby is salad, which is always wilted or oxidized brown and is of little nutritious value anyway. So, cracking under the instinct to eat and live, we break down and go for a hot dog or hamburger. Hummus does not a meal make.
5. Stop making prolonged eye contact with strangers on the Metro It seemed harmless enough, but our mothers' advice led us to aspire to be more street savvy and to try to avoid the gazes of tired businesspeople, inquisitive high school students and drunken peers. But with that first step onto the Metro platform this semester came an insatiable desire for awkward staring contests. So many missed connections...
6. Get out of debt Yeah, this was much harder than we originally thought. Cutting back on Big League Chew and weekly pedicures was going to be the key to this plan, but things are expensive in this day and age. There are groceries, beer and other stuff that has to be bought, and there's never enough money to go around. Whatever, that's what parents are for.
7. Floss every day No matter how old we are, the dentist still knows that we're lying when we say, "Oh yeah, I floss at least three times a week." The tooth doc knows, folks! He knows! It's more like we floss never. But this year, it's time to take a stance on dental health and to prove him wrong. So pick up that Wintermint Oral-B and floss away. Oh shit, it's already the end of January and we haven't flossed in a week-and-a-half.
8. Keep the dorm room clean The first week back left us little time to organize all of our belongings. With heaps of CVS pharmacy bags carrying everything from toothpaste to spirals and all of our clothes spread across the room, it just became too much to handle. Unfortunately, the only clean part of our rooms was our empty bookshelf, because the bookstore failed to provide most of us with affordable books for yet another semester. A great place to dust!
9. Find true love Man, it's the end of January already and your two visits to Platinum still haven't turned up a soul mate? You may as well just give up on romance and settle for that dude that lives down the hall who winks at you every time you go to the showers. After all, you're not getting any younger. At least he'll have a degree in philosophy to help support the family. Who knew that four levels of night clubbing couldn't deliver true love?
10. Get some sleep So, last night was like six hours and the night before it was like two. That counts as, like, eight, doesn't it? We probably spend at least one hour of our day making small talk about how we don't get enough sleep. The only way to keep this resolution is to abandon our other resolutions, because there are only so many hours in the day.
-Compiled by the Scene staff
