1. Food.
Thanksgiving is not only a cornucopia of fun. It's also a cornucopia of food. Of course we all know and love the 25-pound turkey that comes with dinner, but let's give some respect to its supporting cast. From stuffing to cranberry sauce to mashed taters, all the food works together to supply the world with a meal fit for a king or queen. So stuff yourself like a pi¤ata with a smorgasbord of festive treats.
2. Family.
You know those family stories you hear every year at the Thanksgiving table? The one about how Uncle Rick lost his pinky finger in a freak fly-fishing accident? Or Great Aunt Mona's fateful night with FDR during the Dust Bowl? These are the things you'll tell your kids about one day. Or your therapist.
3. Pie.
We thought pie needed its own category. Because really, the possibilities are endless. Pumpkin, pecan, apple, blueberry, lemon meringue, rhubarb, strawberry rhubarb, sweet potato. That's not even mentioning the meat pies. Chicken potpie, turkey pie, pepperoni pizza pie.
4. Tryptophan.
Don't believe the hype! The Thanksgiving powers that be, namely PETA, would have you believe that turkey contains some sort of noxious chemical that will induce a post-feast stupor. These are vicious lies! Turkey does contain trace amounts of tryptophan, however this amino acid must be consumed in isolated, large quantities to have such effects. That delightful nap is more likely a result of gorging on tasty treats.
5. Pilgrims.
Nothing says Thanksgiving like Pilgrims. They're like the ultimate Americans in that they didn't get pushed around by anyone. England persecuting their religion? Fine, they're moving to Holland. Holland causing a loss of cultural identity? Fine, they're moving to America. People already live there? Not for long.
6. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
If there is one thing that's better than Garfield, it's a building-sized balloon of Garfield barreling down Broadway. There's nothing better than spending the afternoon inside with Grandma watching NBC's hard-hitting coverage because you didn't bring your tennis shoes home from school to toss the ol' pigskin around with your cousins. And does anything top seeing Santa pilot into Times Square as he officially begins the holiday spending season?
7. Veg-outs! (But not on veggies.)
It's more than likely that when the Pilgrims invented the holiday, they were lounging on their early-American La-Z-Boys, playing pre-industrial Halo. Luckily, nearly 400 years later, modern Americans can practice Thanksgiving like their forefathers intended: by turning off their brain and turning up the E! Network. Whether it's watching a James Bond marathon or working on your Madden 2007 franchise, the holiday break is a perfect time to become a vegetable (but be sure not to eat any vegetables, since that's un-American).
8. Leftovers.
Hope you left room in your suitcase. With veritable pounds of turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce left after the Thanksgiving meal, you'll need all the packing space you can muster to haul those delights back to D.C. Better call home now and tell Ma to invest in more Gladware!
9. Two weeks until finals.
OK, this isn't a hit. In fact, it's about as far from a hit as we could get. How does one week until end of classes sound?
10. It's finally appropriate to start making "War on Christmas" jokes.
Remember when Bill O'Reilly and all the other talking heads on Fox News started talking about the Left's "War on Christmas?" Now that holiday season is here, it's the perfect time to start calling just about anything an attack on Christmas. As a primer, we suggest picking up John Gibson's groundbreaking expos?, "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought." With the Democrats in control of Congress, say goodbye to Christmas cheer, replaced with the icy gloom of political correctness and religious diversity.
-Compiled by the Scene staff
