One of the best parts of the movie theater experience is the previews. There are some who don't like them, but for most, a trailer can make or break their expectations for that movie. It is in this spirit that The Trailer Park is written. We review movies before they even come out, based purely on the quality of their trailers! So sit back and relax, the main feature will begin after these previews.
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Warner Bros. Pictures Release date: Sometime in 2007 While only a teaser, this trailer gives a good look at the world the animators are crafting for the latest TMNT installment. It looks gritty and realistic (or at least as realistic as one can get when dealing with mutant ninja turtles).
The only drawback seems to be that the Turtles move a bit faster and can do crazier feats than in any previous incarnation, but that could work to the movie's benefit. Who doesn't want to see the Turtles jump from rooftop to rooftop in their quest to fight crime in New York City? Overall, this movie will most likely rock steady and introduce a whole new generation to Turtle Power.
"The Black Dahlia" Universal Pictures Release date: September 15, 2006 Brian DePalma's first movie in four years wants so badly to not look like "L.A. Confidential," but with a trailer like this, it's hard for comparisons not to be made.
The loveliness of the ladies in the trailer makes up greatly for the fact that this is another film with Josh Hartnett in the lead, something that hasn't quite worked out in the past and probably won't work well in the near future. If anything, there will be fantastic eye candy, even if the film isn't very good. This one is 50/50 - if it can be different enough from "L.A. Confidential" and Hartnett can overcome whatever wooden ailment has struck him in his other roles, it has a chance to be great. If not, it'll be relegated to the all-style-and-no-substance land of crappy retread cinema.
"The Santa Clause 3" Buena Vista Pictures Release date: November 3, 2006 Seriously? Is this movie really happening? The first was a wonderfully endearing Christmas classic, but the second was just disturbing, and this trailer is further proof that Disney thinks the American public is mentally challenged. To rob a line from Stephen Colbert, both Tim Allen and Martin Short are on notice - start being funny again or fade into obscurity once and for all! Save your money on this opening day, or go see "Flushed Away" from the creators of "Wallace & Grommit" instead. It's bound to be better than this garbage.
"Black Snake Moan" Paramount Vantage Release date: February 16, 2007 Most witnesses to "Snakes on a Plane" also saw the trailer for this amazing film from the director of "Hustle & Flow." Samuel L. Jackson stars as a God-fearing bluesman who keeps Christina Ricci chained to the radiator in his Deep South home to cure her of her nymphomania. How could this movie not be good? In all seriousness, the movie looks like it's going to be an interesting exploration of race and religion as the two characters work to exorcise their demons, and will be provocative enough to raise questions among moviegoers and critics alike. But yeah, Christina Ricci chained to a radiator in her underwear while Samuel L. yells at her.
"Crank" Lionsgate Release date: September 1, 2006 "The Transporter 2" meets "Speed" - 'nuff said.
"Transformers" Dreamworks/Paramount Release date: July 4, 2007 Other cartoon franchises will be brought back to life on the big screen. This teaser is somewhat weak. A Mars rover gets attacked by what must be assumed to be a Decepticon, and then the preview cuts to a shot of Earth, followed by the title. Final judgment will be reserved for the first full trailer, but any fan of the show will be foaming at the mouth to see how this plays out next summer.
