Some people believe in love at first sight. Others only believe in lust at first sight. Some people think that first impressions are the most important. Others think that any negative or positive assumed upon a first meeting can be reversed over the time it takes to get to know someone. With all this debate over the importance of first encounters, how much value should we place on the first time we go to bed with someone?
One of my favorite T-shirts says, "Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by you again?" Tacky? Yes. Relevant? Definitely. When we are jumping into bed with people after only a glance, then we shouldn't be surprised if they turn out to be less than our fantasy. Those we take the time to get to know probably deserve more than just a trial run in the bedroom.
The first time my best friend had sex with her ex-boyfriend, they accidentally caused the items on top of her dresser - including a mirror - to shatter, showering both of them in glass. After clearing the mess, he consented to giving it another try. She proceeded to fake an orgasm so poorly that he refused to sleep with her for a long time, citing unspecified damages to his ego. To her credit, it was her 21st birthday: She was clearly wasted.
Another friend of mine was hooking up for the first time with a virgin and decided to let him go all the way. Unfortunately, her roommate was in the room. When he started to get a little too vocal, she very sweetly asked him to, "Shut the hell up!" Her roommate then left the room and my friend collected another V-card. (It should be noted that on other first-time occasions, she has been known to leave the room and hide under a friend's bed next door, take bathroom breaks in between rounds and be caught naked with a can of whipped cream.)
The first time with a new person is going to scary but hopefully exciting. If you haven't even hooked up with the person before, then just their anatomy will be a surprise. Even if you have done things with them before, you can't really be sure how they will be as a lover. It is best to brace yourself for the possibility that they are terrible, which could result in hurried dressing and fleeing the scene. But there is the chance that you two will have a really great time together, and it can only get better from there.
The best thing to do is set some ground rules from the start. If there are a few things you are definitely not down with, let your lover know up front. Though some may be able to subtly reposition to prevent their lover from performing a potentially illegal act during intercourse, it's easier if you share likes and dislikes upfront. If you prefer bluntness, just follow my friend's advice. As he once said, "This better be good, or I'm leaving." That is sure to not make your partner nervous.
Though it saddens me to constantly revert to sports metaphors, there is something we can learn from the rules of baseball: three strikes and you're out. Though some would have us believe, "Screw me badly twice, shame on me," I think that the first couple of times definitely allow room for improvement. After about three less-than-stellar sexual experiences, the confidence of both partners begins to falter, and the ability to perform becomes even more unlikely. Although one friend was a trooper and believed her boyfriend when he told her, "Fourth time's the charm!"
There will be cases when one time is enough, however. New lovers will turn out to have fianc?es, leave unwelcome stains or smells in your bed, be way less attractive the next morning or just be too bad in bed to even consider a call back. But don't let these experiences dishearten you from working at improving the sex with someone you really care about.
