"Hey, guess what? Dave Coullier totally shaves his balls. He told me not to tell anyone, so I make it a point to tell everyone I know."
-Bob Saget, a.k.a. Danny Tanner from "Full House."
A guy came into the campus UPS store today asking for stamps. The employee at the time displayed the options: astrological constellations or Greta Garbo. The patron looked at first disappointed and confused, and then slightly amused at the choice. "Hm. I guess I'll take the constellations. They're a bit more heterosexual." Dude. Greta Garbo's hot. Especially on those stamps, man. Especially on those stamps.
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Sports guy: "He was ALWAYS Uncle Joey." News girl: "Nuh-uh. He was just 'Joey.'" Scene writer: "Oh my God, is this really happening." Sports guy: "I bet you $200 it was 'Uncle' Joey!" Random boyfriend of photographer: "Ha!" News girl: "I watched it all this summer, you're totally wrong." Scene editor: "I'm looking it up on IMDB right now and then we are not talking about this anymore!" Random boyfriend: "Ha!" Thus is the working environment of The Eagle.
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At a recent film screening, a Scene staffer witnessed a personage who brought him back to the days of his youth. There, taking up two seats with his girth and paying absolutely no mind to the loud hushes coming from every corner of the theater, a grizzly, white-haired gentleman was talking to his uninterested companion with the exact same intonation and style as the Vacuum from "The Brave Little Toaster!" Lord, why is that bear of a man not my grandfather?
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Everyone knows the AU squirrels are scary as all Hell. They're not normal, "I'm-gonna-get-out-of-your-way-because-I'm-a-squirrel-and-you're-a-person" squirrels. No news there. But yesterday one Scene staffer saw a horrific tableaux involving one of those infamous squirrels. Like an ancient Grecian frieze documenting the descent of Man, there stood this squirrel, holding an entire candied apple in its mouth, looking as covetous and cruel as any personification of Satan. The end is near! Fear not robots or clowns, students. It's the squirrels, and it's serious.
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Let's take a moment to praise the cer-tain weather conditions that are keeping D.C. crispy cool while the rest of the country is freezing cold. One Scene staffer received multiple text messages yesterday to announce the first snowfall of the year in her Midwestern hometown. She responded with text messages celebrating the warmth that still remained in our glorious city. Then she had a good laugh that so many people had nothing better to do besides keep her updated about precipitation patterns a thousand miles away. And people say there isn't anything to do in the Midwest.
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Remember "Revolution 9" on the White Album, where John Lennon is all like, "Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine," and so on? Well, at McDonald's today an employee holding a freshly bagged meal called for the person who ordered the no. nine meal three times! Ladies and gentleman, we've found the fifth Beatle.
-Compiled by the Scene Staff
