Aries (March 21 - April 19) There's nothing wrong with taking it easy and trying to let things go sometimes. So do something a little out of the ordinary this week. Let a bottom-feeder use you to serial cheat on their significant other. Every player gets a prize. Lucky study aid: Ear Plugs.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) For you, this week is going to be 100 percent intense. Be prepared for the drama that will surround you, whether it be a fight about who is a better break dancer or a fight with the person who spilled the beans about your secret affair with your teacher. Lucky study aid: Special brownies.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Initially, you may feel as though there is just too much going on in your life this week. If you're having trouble staying motivated, channel your inner inspirational choir and listen to their words of wisdom. Deep down you know you can make it through. Lucky study aid: Your lucky socks (don't you dare change them!).
Cancer (June 21 - July 21) When someone pisses you off this week, do not let the negativity get the best of you. Instead, channel your rage into forming a superb angry rock band. Come up with a catchy name, and make T-shirts featuring that Mr. Nice Guy's face on fire. He'll regret the day he met you. Lucky study aid: Pepto Bismol.
Leo (July 22 - August 22) You may be met with some opposition from your peers this week. Do not get discouraged, let them all smile and say what they want now. They won't be laughing once you're famous. Unless of course they get their hands on your "Girls Gone Wild" footage. Lucky study aid: 97 blue M&Ms.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) Mars moving into your ninth house indicates that this weekend you will totally go there. You know exactly what we're talking about. People will remark later as to how they just cannot believe you went there, but they will be so glad you did. Lucky study aid: Plunger.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) You will go on a date with an odd-looking food service employee. While he or she doesn't mind the fact that you are in a cult, the mood is ruined when someone in a wheelchair comes over to your table and informs you that your date is dangerous. Why? Because he tends to get people shot. Lucky study aid: Speed (Keanu Reeves-style optional).
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) On Monday you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. If someone takes advantage of you, let he or she know you will not be their "poor thing." Instead, wait until the time is right and cause a large amount of damage to his or her car. Lucky study aid: Your roommate's underwear.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Don't be afraid to go after what you want. Sitting around and playing by the rules will not help you achieve your goal. Let people know you're willing to do things that others will not do by putting on your best rhinestone-accented thong and get ready to do whatever it takes. Lucky study aid: Addictinggames.com.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Sometimes you feel like you've got it figured out, but then everything seems to turn to dust. Your tendency to get violent and trash hotel rooms will flare up in the middle of the week. If you're not careful, you might end up on the streets hanging out with a guy named Skinny. Lucky study aid: Hair of newt.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) There's someone who is in your way. This person seems to be trying to take credit for all the work you do, in addition to being completely jealous of your sweet dance moves and slammin' wardrobe. The solution: break his or her leg. Lucky study aid: X-ray vision goggles.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) This weekend, you should definitely be extremely careful and aware of your behavior. What kind of messages are you sending out? Rule of thumb: ask questions first, get naked later. If you keep all this in mind, you may be able to avoid accidents. Lucky study aid: Maracas.
