"Please don't feed the sorority girls." -Alpha Sigma Phi T-shirt
An Open Letter To The Girl Up Ahead In The TDR Tator Tots Line: We can see that you like tots, based upon your insistence on taking 10 minutes to dole out the choicest, crispiest ones for yourself. However, unbeknownst to you, a serpentine queue of hungry, disheveled rugby players and newspaper staffers is forming really, really rapidly behind you. Also unbeknownst to you is that ALL OF THEM ARE HERE FOR TOTS, TOO. That is all.
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From any seat on the campus-bound shuttle bus around 6:15 p.m., is it really that ludicrous to assume that all Washington Semester students really do while at AU is hit TDR and work out? Stepping on toes of the homeward-bound intern set, Tenley campus-dwellers pour onto the bus and into the aisle; the girls are clad in spandex Adidas workout gear and various college sweat shirts, the guys are in cutoff fraternity T-shirts and mesh shorts, and all tote Nalgene bottles plastered with Guster and DMB stickers. They waste no time whipping out cell phones and discussing what time the evening's TDR fine-dining rendezvous should convene. Then again, they probably do all kinds of not-workout-related stuff during the day, like scoring some Chipotle and waiting for the No. 32 bus to Georgetown.
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Speaking of buses, several shuttle riders experienced five minutes of sheer panic and confusion last Friday when a gentleman in a yacht-sized maroon Cadillac rear-ended an AU bus en route to Tenleytown. The incident, which occurred just past Van Ness, wouldn't have been so interesting had the driver not slammed on the brakes, thrown off his seatbelt in extreme indignation, exited the bus, inspected the damage (or apparent lack thereof), and then fumed mercilessly at the offending driver in question, shouting several rounds of "You hit my bus!" A few flustered riders opted to flee the scene by exiting the bus and footing it up Nebraska Avenue, likely fearing being questioned about the incident.
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In the wake of the sudden disappearance of Mr. Body Massage Machine, sophomore Jeremy Rovinsky appears to be AU's most popular Facebook user. With 597 friends at AU alone, the philosophy and political science double-major lists chums at scores of other schools, from Adelphi to Xavier. At press time, Rovinsky was a member of nearly 50 facebook groups - including "F.C.C. - Freaky Clubbing Caucasians" and "Voting For Kerry Only Because George Bush Looks Like Used Car Salesman/Monkey and is an idot" (not an Eagle typo - we assume they meant "idiot"). His "wall" had 83 revisions, an impressive 50 percent made by people other than himself. Congratulations, Jeremy, and expect a call from us sometime when we're home alone on a Friday night, wondering what happened to our social lives...
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When the admissions office said AU had no fraternity or sorority houses, it wasn't kidding. However, this didn't seem to bother a gaggle of fraternity letter-clad brothers spotted Wednesday morning camping out in the Marketplace in Mary Graydon. Some bleary-eyed, some asleep, and all with laptops and homework scattered about, it appeared they had been there all night. Why sleep separately in your dorm rooms when you can sleep communally while wearing sweet, sweet identical T-shirts? That's what we thought.
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In the extremely weird fact file, the "rants and raves" section of craigslist.org can always be depended upon for a smashingly entertaining read. Just recently, an Eagle staffer spotted a post from a concerned individual warning women about an unscrupulous gentleman whose M.O. is trying to infect unknowing sexual partners with herpes. Although the anonymous poster stresses that the perpetrator is a violent alcoholic who tells "hard cold lies," the post also mentions that "he's very dangerous, because he is a charmer." Look out, ladies, because "he has all the lines."
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