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12-year-old thinks new Weezer song is 'OK'

Middle school student Tiffani McRitardde heard the new Weezer single, "Beverly Hills," on the radio yesterday and decided that she thinks the song is okay.

"I thought that once Smash Mouth and Everclear sort of disappeared, there would be no one to fill the void of totally awesome and rockin' jams," McRitardde said. "I am so glad that Weezer has stepped up to the plate and delivered such a solid song."

With lyrics like, "My automobile is a piece of crap / My clothing style is a little whack," McRetardde said that she connects with the song.

"'Beverly Hills' is a song I can really relate to, not like those old Weezer songs. I mean, who plays 'D&D' or gets love letters from Japanese high school girls? Finally I have found a song to listen to in between episodes of 'The O.C.,'" McRitardde said.

Many haters have come out of the woodwork to dis Weezer captain Rivers Cuomo, but McRitardde said that she won't let that affect her judgment.

"I don't care if people think I'm whack because 'Beverly Hills' is a song I can really make out to," McRitardde said.

-MARK MCWANKENSTEIN

'Hot' bands actually set 9:30 ablaze

Hot Hot Heat and The Fiery Furnaces, in tandem with The Arcade Fire, inadvertently burned down the 9:30 club at a show Friday night.

"I always thought the 'hot hot' heat of our band name came from the fact that I looked like Justin Guarini, and have such a hot, hot bod. I mean, you could grate cheese on these abs," lamented Hot Hot Heat frontman Steven Bays. "I didn't know that our pleasant power retro dance-pop had pyrotechnic properties."

The Decemberists were called in for backup in a last minute booking choice during the show, but not even their icy cold poetry could chill the blaze.

A throng of AU hipsters gathered at the Davenport Coffee Lounge and held a candlelight vigil, in which they burned vintage vinyl records and smoked unfiltered cigarettes for hours. A makeshift memorial wall was emblazoned with such homage as: "I love hot hot heat!!!!! They r the best band ever!! I love ne thing they make!!the lead singer is soooooooo hot!"

9:30 bouncers were unavailable for comment, as they were attempting to stamp out the inferno.

-CHILI BLAZEWSKI

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