I don't know what's worse: unnecessary remakes of good movies, or equally unnecessary remakes of really, really bad movies. Didn't we say everything we needed to say with the first "Revenge of the Nerds?" "The O.C."'s Adam Brody is slated to co-produce the remake/cinematic travesty for Fox Searchlight for 2006. Even classic films can fall victim. "Guess Who," opening tomorrow, is not a movie adaptation of the totally awesome board game. That's what I thought at first, but it turns out it's really just a remake of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," but with a twist: The races are switched. Starring Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac, the movie seems to be a studio head's dream, but the only people getting punk'd are the audience. Here's a look at when bad remakes tarnish the name of good films.
Jack'd
"The Jackal" - 1997 Of all the movies where Bruce Willis looks really gross, he's the grossest in "The Jackal." This remake of the 1973 original, "The Day of the Jackal," features Richard Gere sporting the worst Irish accent of all time. Thankfully, the only thing that saves this otherwise pointless movie is Jack Black totally getting his arm shot off. That was awesome.
Ball'd
"Rollerball" - 2002 I knew this movie was genius when all of a sudden, from totally out of nowhere, at least 10 minutes of it is shot as if you're looking through night-vision goggles. Ten minutes of everything being green for no reason whatsoever. Did the lighting crew just quit that night? What's the deal with that? Chris Klein + LL Cool J / Everything's Green = Awesome.
Godzilla'd
"Godzilla" - 1998 An utter blasphemy. The fiercely awesome dude-in-a-suit from the original 1954 film is replaced with a computer-generated atrocity of whackness. First of all, the only thing that can kill Godzilla is super-science, not three missiles to the midsection. Secondly, the whole baby Godzillas running loose in Madison Square Garden was totally cribbing the raptors from "Jurassic Park." Weak.
Zombie'd
"Dawn of the Dead" - 2004 The only reason to give this film the title of George Romero's brilliant 1978 follow-up to "Night of the Living Dead" is money. The fans of the series will turn up just because it has the title. What this movie should be called is: "Mekhi Pfeiffer is the Father of a Zombie Baby Who Gets Shot in the Face," or something that more accurately reflects the movie.
Circum-navigat'd
"Around the World in 80 Days" - 2004 British funnyman Steve Coogan takes his first step toward disgrace by starring with Jackie Chan in this remake of the 1956 original. "80 Days" treats you to Rob Schneider eating trash, Arnold Schwarzenegger flexing his gross man-boobs and Macy Gray. (What is this, "Spider-Man" all of a sudden?) Not even portly kung-fu actor/director Sammo Hung, from that CBS show "Martial Law," could save this one.
