Diary of an Intern: Sleep late, party late, get to work late

Punctuality goes out the window

I have my internship again tomorrow, which I am dreading. Not because I hate my internship, but because I am a lazy bum who can't stand the thought of waking up before the crack of lunchtime. I should probably go to bed earlier, but whenever I hit the pillow, I know I'm destined to have more insane Nyquil-fueled nightmares about Anna Nicole Smith and estranged members of my family.

Not surprisingly, I am usually late to my internship. But whatever, let's keep in mind that I am interning for, um, FREE, and that I really shouldn't care. However, the overachiever inside of me subscribes to the idea that punctuality at the workplace is a good idea, so I feel guilty for never being on time. It should be noted that I was late this morning by only 20 minutes, which doesn't even come close to last week's record of three hours.

This recent rash of tardiness can be blamed on two factors, none of which include myself directly: 1) I am really tired all of the time; and 2) I can't fall asleep until at least 3 a.m. I cannot do anything about the first factor, seeing as how schoolwork and extracurricular activities keep me busier than a whore on VJ Day. But I can do something about Numero Two. How, you ask? By purchasing ear plugs.

Ear plugs will block out the racket of my computer, the air conditioner, and my roommate's keyboard, thereby allowing me to fall asleep at 1 a.m. rather than stare blankly at the ceiling for two hours, wishing that I wasn't so damn sensitive to peripheral noise pollution.

The only problem I foresee is being unable to hear my alarm clock in the morning. But who cares? If I am late to work again, at least I would be maintaining a certain air of consistency.

Of course, the problem with being so tired all the time is that by the end of the week, I'm ready to release all of my stress through partying. I like frat parties, or Guapo's parties, or Front Page parties. Any kind of party will do, as long as it's not a "rainbow party," which I disturbingly learned about today in my Media and Sexuality class. If you want to know the details, then Google it, but not while at your internship, if you know what's good for you.

I especially like partying with fellow interns. A night spent with an intern at a bar is an excellent source of office gossip. You can bitch and moan all you want about your internship, but you'll always be interested in the seedy details of the workplace. It's human nature.

To arrange an intern party this weekend, I went with one of my coworkers to Rodman's. Let me tell you, Rodman's is the best store ever - better than TJ Maxx, and that says a lot. They've got everything in this store: beer, wine, gourmet foods, beer. They even sell wheelchairs on the lower level with faux-Burberry seat cushions. One day when I'm not so lazy, I'll take a more detailed inventory of the store and then forget to write about it for you all.

Anyway, we filled the shopping cart with the usual groceries - four cases of my beloved Natural Ice. The woman at the register recognized the other intern from past transactions and chatted with us as she rang up our purchase. On my way out of the store, I heard the register lady tell us to have a nice weekend. A nice weekend? Honey, tell us to have a nice night - we'll be coming back tomorrow!

Michael Vallebuona is a senior journalism and CLEG major writing about his experiences as a painfully employed intern. Diary of an Intern runs every Thursday, except next week.

badintern@gmail.com

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